Sexting and Stigma

[walkingthewire]

Hi guys.
I'm facing a weird issue, which I have no idea how many of you have experienced. I've been single for quite some time now, and I tend to miss the benefits of being in a relationship, one of them being sex. If I feel the need, I just do it by myself. I've been thinking about sexting, or even getting a hook-up, but it's really hard for me. Its difficult to explain. For one, I don't feel attractive enough, especially when browsing Grindr. I also feel disgusted in myself when attempting to text people in any dirty manner. It's just the thought of "am I really going to do this? Have I sunk that low?"
I really want to break that stigma, but I have no idea how. Any advice?

 

[Junior42]

Personally, I think you are looking at it the wrong way. You never know when you are going to meet that special person. Im coming up on almost 3 years with my man, and it started as a grindr hookup one night. I have been with him ever since. I wish you good luck and hope you give yourself a chance for happiness.

 

[novo174]

I used mostly dating sites when I first came out. I never felt the need to sext or was ever interested in taking dick pics. I started using Grindr and Jack'd a few years ago. I started wanting to just chat about life and interests like the past dating sites but I realized most guys weren't into that. I wanted to delete Grindr the day after but just stuck with it. I took my first dick pics one week later. I also got used to sexting as some Grindr people's way of flirting and getting comfortable with each other. Anyway, if it's not for you, you shouldn't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Who knows though, you might find it fun.

 

[SeaCore]

A lot of what you need to do involves introspection.
To you, sexting is lowly. But why? Maybe it's impersonal? Maybe you're scared of someone having a permanent snapshot of your naked body? Could this be a trust issue?

What about your ideal? Hookups and sexting—they're clearly not what you want; at least not on the surface. Understanding what you wish for could inform you what you don't like about hookups and sexting. Or it could help you figure out a style of hooking up or a method of sexting that better fits your needs.

Also, I'm glad you wrote the way that you did, it's very honest. But you need to try and change how you think about hookups and sexting. You describe it as 'dirty' and 'low.' If you feel like you're doing something dirty, it's no surprise that you'll end up feeling disgusting or shameful—this is not me blaming you, society encourages this attitude.
But it's not shameful. And it's okay if you find you don't like doing that; it's okay if you do! But reframing how you see sexting and hookups would help you get rid of this stigma.


As far as your body goes. There really is an audience for every kind of body. Don't give yourself more work by judging yourself and psyching yourself out.

 

[novastar]

Personally, I'd use a site like adam4adam keeping your naughty pics "private" but can share with those of your choosing. My BF and I have sexted, but we don't do it often. It's just TOO EASY to accidentally have your sexts sent to the wrong person. I own a respected business in my town and don't even want to imagine the consequences of accidentally sharing a photo of my cum-filled and plugged ass to the wrong person. Also, in my business I take a lot of photos and send to clients. There have been times I accidentally hit "facetime" while nude during a workday (I work from home) and caught it immediately.