Sexual tension between me and my roommate...

[SashaMitchell]

I may be in the minority here, but I say stop this nonsense.

Look, I understand your attraction to this guy. For a long time I thought I was only attracted to straight men. That kind of thinking will get you nowhere. Despite what you and many other gay men may fantasize, it is simply not possible to have a romantic, sexual relationship with a straight man. Sure, maybe he is curious, and maybe he will fool around with you a few times. If that's all you're interested in, then go for it. But don't expect any kind of relationship. You will just be some cheap action he gets on the side.

And this man has a girlfriend. I don't care if he is straight, gay, or whatever, or if his girlfriend is a total bitch. Do not get involved with someone who is already in a relationship. It is demeaning to everyone. If he wants to break up with his girlfriend and explore his sexuality with you, fine. But until that happens, back off. Keep your self-respect.

I know this is probably not what you want to hear. But I think if you continue to pursue this guy, you will be heartbroken. It certainly will not lead to a deep and honest relationship, which you seem to want.

So my advice is to move on. Try to switch roommates for your upcoming trip if you can. Once the trip is over, spend as little time with this guy as possible until you are over him.

You should be honest. You can tell him you are attracted to him, but since he is straight you know nothing meaningful will happen. Leave it at that. If he does have feelings for you, maybe he will break up with his girlfriend and go after you. More likely he will not and you will avoid a demeaning situation.

Move on. Someday you will fall just as crazy for a gay guy who will want you as much as you want him.

 

[chicercatrova]

WOW! I am surprised and excited with all the replies I got- Thank you guys for taking the time to read that and give me some advice.

I'm definitely going to test the waters more, and try and make a very subtle move the next chance I get - Like most of you said, I'm going to try and use the Chicken game as an excuse, and I'll have a back-up excuse ready. I wish a situation came along where it was just the two of us, but he's often going to his girlfriends at night, or our other roommates are around. I'd like to figure this out before our Europe trip.

I will DEFINITELY keep you all updated, don't worry.

And for the record, everything I wrote is 100% true. You don't have to believe me if you don't want, and I know it sounds like a made up fantasy, but it's actually happening to me...

Thanks again for all of your input!

 

[USEDCAR]

Just repeats everything he does to you. If he grabs your ass grabs his back.

 

[conrad]

Sex between two persons ought to be personal and private and it ought to be respected and kept that way. I have no advice to give, but I can say that when I graduated from solo gratification into the wonderful realm of sharing(sex) with the new guy in town, it was only because we had so firmly bonded as friends that we both wanted and needed some physical ways to show our affection for each other.

It all came about very naturally and seemed so right. He did not try to get me into bed nor did I seduce him. We thought of ourselves as regular guys and I am sure that we kept in mind that someday we would do what regular guys did; we would marry. We both did. Our love and affection for our wives and children is genuine also.

But, many years later I can still say that he is my most beloved male friend. Together we had discovered a side of our sexuality which we had not considered before. Knowing that one can have genuine love with another male is something we have both found to be liberating.

I can hope that the OP will bond with his friend. Even if there never is a sharing in sex between you, the bond of friendship and love is worth pursuing.

 

[Seasoned]

Tell him your situation while on vacation in Europe.

 

[zeus007]

Thanks again for all of your input![/QUOTE]

what's new buddy? have you got any feedback (if you do describe it in details...)????

 

[robs]

I'm kinda in the same boat, and it's only going to intensify. I live with 3 other guys and one is moving out so another friend of ours is moving in soon. We had talked about moving into a 2 bdrm apt. but decided that he should just move in with us and I stay too. This guy is pretty hot, and straight. I'm attracted to him, but I don't know if he's even the slightest bit interested. We spent a lot of time together last summer. I don't want to ruin the friendship, but it's going to be really interesting once he moves in. Watch us get drunk one night and sleep together. That would be interesting.

 

[seven_sins]

Does he clown around with other guys like he does with you? If he does, you might be in for a big disappointment.

 

[emancipado]

well, it's hard, if he is your friend , you could lose that , but if you feel like you say you do , tell him, or move out...

 

[NY Curious]

Wow when I saw this I automatically realized we're in very similar situations! My roommate and I both came out to each other as bisexual (him leaning more towards gay since he had done it with girls and me not having enough experience with either) and we would talk to each other about sexual things all the time, but never with each other.

A week or so after we talked, he started making "jokes" like about us having sex or about my body or things like that and I played along saying similar things. The joking never got physical, since he's not really an athletic guy I got the sense, and the most we got was me jumping on him on his bed once.

Now he's hooked up with like two other guys and didnt seem like he was very into it, but I think it's because he didnt really care about them. The thing that drives me crazy is that he'll act like he's really into me and then nothing happens.

And just like in your situation, he's a great great friend and I wouldn't want to screw that up, but at the same time I can't repress my feelings! And is it appropiate for roommates to be involved with each other? What if things don't work out and it's awkward...we are living together all of next year too.

Think about that too, what if things do take off but then it dies down or its not what you thought? Is it worth it? How long are you guys gonna live with each other? Ah I feel your tension dude, good luck!

 

[Mattzrider]

Almost all of my sexcapades with 'straight' dudes, many of them athletes, started out with a joke, a slap on the ass or faux gayness.

What got 6 out of 7 of them to open up was when I would lock eyes with them after they got physical. Gave them my best I want you too look. Don't look away either. Hold the stare haha!

The 7th guy and I just got drunk together. Always. He could never have sex with me without a buzz.
This was in high school. College is another story!

 

[Paladin]

I agree with the majority vote - he is into you but just doesn't know how to take it to the next level.... so it's up to you what happens next

- remember,

Fortune Favours The Brave!

 

[chicercatrova]

Thanks again for all of your input!

what's new buddy? have you got any feedback (if you do describe it in details...)????
[/QUOTE]

he actually JUST broke up with the bitch- im so excited. He's been really down and upset and needing comfort and support...

ill let you know what happens!

thanks again for all your input

 

[DVM26uk]

A week or so after we talked, he started making "jokes" like about us having sex or about my body or things like that and I played along saying similar things. The joking never got physical, since he's not really an athletic guy I got the sense, and the most we got was me jumping on him on his bed once.

Now he's hooked up with like two other guys and didnt seem like he was very into it, but I think it's because he didnt really care about them. The thing that drives me crazy is that he'll act like he's really into me and then nothing happens.

And just like in your situation, he's a great great friend and I wouldn't want to screw that up, but at the same time I can't repress my feelings! And is it appropiate for roommates to be involved with each other? What if things don't work out and it's awkward...we are living together all of next year too.

You only live once, he's bi, you're bi, you like him, he likes you and trust me it's not often that kind of oportunity presents itself.

 

[Nominated]

Him being bicurious or not aside, are you completely oblivious to him allready being in a relationship?

 

[JUB]

Wow really hot post. My reaction is that he is really curious and wants to try something. Maybe its the whole GF thing that is holding him back? You should get drunk or something in Europe and see if it goes anywhere. Keep us updated!!! lol

 

[xrph1670]

I had a "gay chicken" thing going with someone in college. My biggest regret is that I didn't play it through with the ready made excuse. Go for it. If he says stop, respect that. You'll know where you stand. If he doesn't...well...Europe will be awesome.

 

[JNewYork]

Almost all of my sexcapades with 'straight' dudes, many of them athletes, started out with a joke, a slap on the ass or faux gayness.

What got 6 out of 7 of them to open up was when I would lock eyes with them after they got physical. Gave them my best I want you too look. Don't look away either. Hold the stare haha!

The 7th guy and I just got drunk together. Always. He could never have sex with me without a buzz.
This was in high school. College is another story!

Loved reading this! You are so right. Fake gayness, a joke, this is how it starts! Jokes are safe.

Whenever I see straight guys doing the faux gay, joking around bit, I immediately believe that at least one of them, probably BOTH of them is seriously in to it.

Two "straight" friends of mine would always joke back and forth with insults about each other's probable dick size or probable gayness. It was funny, macho banter to listen to. But my experiences taught me that something more was really going on.

One day I heard one say to the other something about how his own dick is 8 inches. And he looked right in the other dude's face when he said it. The expression on his face and in his eyes for like two seconds told me everything.

I NEVER take faux gayness, joking around, as anything but a serious expression of homosexual desire.

People are not direct. They test the waters little by little.

Anyway, thanks for sharing that. It really echoes so much of what I've seen in life.

 

[NY Curious]

Any updates with anyone?

My roommate and I were talking last night and he said he has guys back in his mind again but doesn't think he'd date one. STILL he was all over the gay sex jokes...

Still I don't want to spoil the friendship or make an uncomfortable situation...and I especially don't want to seem desperate since he's a pretty cocky guy.

Lately what I've realized I do is that I play along with his joke but then I laugh, and that probably makes him think I'm not interested...maybe I should try something else?

It's bad since I keep thinking about him and I wonder why I want him so much?? It's a bad situation...