Sexuality Advice

[Eagle653]

My advice is that neither porn, naked men, naked women, nor relationships is your problem and issue right now. They are simply manifestations of the true issue.

It could be that you're bisexual, or gay, and are having trouble accepting that. You recognize that you are more turned on by men vs. women in porn and are more curious about the male body (vs. female) in general. Those are excellent insights to have and will serve you well in sorting out your feelings about this.

No one on here can give you advice on how to be straight and make these male attractions go away. Not even a professional therapist can do that, although I do think you should see one in order to sort through your feelings and come to a conclusion about yourself that you can live with.

Trying to cut out porn and avoid thinking about men will not make you like/want women. If anything, you'll become more obsessed with men through the "forbidden fruit" syndrome. This will lead to neuroses, frustration, anxiety, and a lot of other unnecessary negative energy. You don't need that--you need to discover who you really are and be comfortable with that reality. That should be your goal, rather than removing symptoms and trying to re-wire your brain. I'm afraid that just doesn't work.

Good luck to you. Please talk to a professional about this so you aren't so frustrated with yourself.

 

[soneric2003]

I would say your gay, but have trouble accepting it. I had the same problem for a long time. I was sexually a lot more attracted to guys than girls but always seemed to be emotionally attracted to girls than guys. So for the most part, I tried to convince myself that I wasn't truly gay. It wasn't until I accepted the fact that I was gay that I started to develop feelings for another guy. I think that in due time you will find a guy you'll get butterflies for. In my opinion it'll be more likely that you'll develop feelings for men rather than a sexual attraction to women.

 

[WYSIWYG]

There is only ONE you, regardless of what your sexual orientation is. If you allow your life to be controlled by others, (or you), as what is acceptable or not, you will be a very unhappy man!

Your family has their 'lives', its about time you had 'yours', be it straight, gay or bi.
Until you find out who you are, and what you want, you will not understand or appreciate a relationship with a man or a woman or both.

 

[thewiz]

If watching gay porn makes one gay and watching straight porn makes one straight then I suppose sitting in a garage and looking at cars would make one turn into an automobile. It just isn't so.

Having been in the very place you find yourself, I can tell you that while I had the wife and two kids, the frustration and hatred of my life brought me to the precipice of wanting to die. It was only the death of my first lover that gave me the strength to complete the journey.

I watched straight porn -- thinking it would "rewire me." I found myself not so much looking at the vagina as all the penis'. I tried church -- I was ready to be ordained at one point. Fortunately the counsel of a very wise priest friend caused me to look inside and become content and accepting with who and what I am.

Saying, "I am gay" freed me from a lifetime of struggle and torment. My fears continued with acceptance from my children -- both not only did so but their fiancees have also as well (we shall see how it goes when my son gets married next month with the ex and anyone else!)

I stopped living the life I thought others would accept and accepted me for me. I have never been happier and have found someone to love and share life with at this point. Barry is wonderful -- he's 27 and we enjoy so much together.

Do not live today as you would think others would want you to live; live today for you and how you want to live. Good luck!

 

[SonOfSlobone]

Whatever your sexuality is, you need to accept it without shame or guilt, and without worrying what your family thinks. That's step #1. If you don't do that, you're setting yourself for a lifetime of misery, as thewiz said.

After that you can start figuring out what you really want. Don't try to have a relationship that conflicts with your sexual preference. Usually (these days) sex comes first and the relationship comes afterwards.

If you've never had sex with a man, how do you know how you're going to feel about it? Sex changes everything.

I'm not trying to influence which way you should go, I'm just saying -- at this point you're forming opinions based on very little information.

At some point (I hope) you're going to have a relationship that includes both sex and friendship. I think it's too early to say whether that will be with a man or a woman...

 

[KaraBulut]

I remember you from before but I don't recall your posts.

If you are bisexual, you will find that your interests will go back and forth between men and women. It's rare to have equal or consistent attraction to both genders at the same time. You just have to accept whatever you are feeling at the moment.

One thing is for certain: your sexuality is like your shadow. You cannot ever escape it. You can continue to have a healthy sexual outlet by watching gay or bi porn. Or you can find a fuckbuddy to indulge in some experimentation. But ultimately, life is far too short not to be having sex and enjoying the pleasures that come with.

 

[bankside]

So far, all you know is that you find men hot and women sweet but not both at the same time.

If you feel good about one night stands, I'm sure you can find both men or women into that, and you can have a man over if you want to get horny, or you can have a woman over if you want to snuggle on the couch and talk about the future.

By the way, there is nothing wrong with experimenting, especially if you are honest about it up front. Experimenting doesn't tie you down to anything. It doesn't make you who you are, it tells you what you like.

If you are smart about who you are with and what you do, the worst that could happen is you decide not to do something again.

Things get a little more complicated if you only want a relationship. You have got the lust to make it work with a man, but not the romance, and you have got the romance to make it work with a woman, but it sounds like the lust just isn't very strong.

To me it looks like you are going to have to be open to new possibilities either way, if you go for a relationship, or a "friend with benefits" or "lets just try this once and see what happens."

 

[marcelloNYC]

I felt similar to what you are felling about a year and a half ago. I realized New Years Eve 08 that I was bisexual. I was very nervous. JUB was the first resource that I found online and then sought advice from my friends. I have always had a larger majority of friends whom are gay, and it was one of them that bought me a book for X'mas (SoMa by Kemble Scott) that made me realize that I had an attraction to men.

I always new I was not totally straight. I always engaged in anal play when I was a teenager and had relations with transgendered woman throughout my life. I always had a healthy outlook about my sexuality and never thought that it made me gay/bi, just kinky. I also always hung out in gay nightclubs etc.

My initial feelings were that I am only attracted to men sexually, not romantically. In the last 16mos I have swayed to liking men more than woman and then woman more than men. But each time that I lean more on the male side I gain a broader sense of my attraction. I have actually gone out on dates without worrying about holding hands in public, and this saturday met a guy that I really like and hope to date him. I am also about to tell my family and friends that do not know. Am I scared? Yes, shitless, but I feel the need to.

So my sexuality is evolving everyday and yours is also. Don't worry about labels. Experiment safely, enjoy what you feel and see where it leads you.

As far as the family, children etc. I totally understand and worry a little about that also. But if the time comes that you do fall for a guy then the family begins there and the children can come later through adoption. I have two friends in LTR's with adopted children and the ideal family life. It is possible and it is just as beautiful and meaningful.

Hope that helps and if it doesn't then listen to eagle653 and talk to someone.


PS. about the performance anxiety with woman. I have been blessed to have been very sexually active throughout my life and feel that I am good in bed, but no matter how many woman I have slept with, that initial performance anxiety is still always there, but with guys, never!

 

[Reprobate]

I have posted here a few times before cause I was worried about my sexuality. After some deep thinking I realize I have no interest in having a relationship with a man. period.

Now my issue is that I still have a curious interest in the male body, for I have been watching gay porn for a few years now and I'm trying to overcome this "addiction". I worry cause now I don't get hard off seeing a woman naked, as any straight man I would think would, and I instantly get hard off seeing gay sex or a man naked...that's my problem.

I think if I slow down on the gay porn and preoccupy myself with other activities besides porn, things will get better. Mentally I'm worried I won't be able to truly love a woman or be in a relationship because of this problem of this curious sexual attraction to men. Plus considering experimenting is not an option because I worry a lot and I fear my attraction to men would be greater.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Sounds like you are trying to force a decision between being gay or straight. If you enjoy gay porn then you obviously have some attraction for men that means you ain't straight. That doesn't mean that you won't be attracted to women. My advice, quit trying to force a decision on yourself. If you are not in a relationship with a woman then go ahead and try it with a man once, you may not know what you are missing.

Everything you say, if true leads me to believe that you are gay. The problem is that you don't seem to want to be gay and are afraid or ashamed of it. Can't help you with internal battles of that sort other than to say go suck a dick and see if you like it, just be smart about it.

 

[KaraBulut]

There's another active thread on the forum that is similar to yours, in case you haven't seen it:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=267450

 

[bankside]

lol. How not to act like a ho...

Learn the art of letting people down easy. You don't have to take the first offer that comes along, or the 10th. That will help. Also being honest about what you want and your limits. Also, you are supposed to enjoy things in your life. If you decide there is something you like about men, ask yourself how you could keep that going.