sexually identity problem

[vaultboy]

Hi all, new to forum. I found this place on a whim and after readinf a bunch of post i decided to join up. I just need someplace to talk about whats going on in my mind. I'm a 27yr old male who never had sex or even dated a girl. All of my sexual exploits has been with males, and i enjoyed it. But my real puzzle is that i get aroused when watching both straight and gay porn. I have never given it much thought untill now and i dont know what to make of it. I really like guys, but i cant get women out of my mind. I dont know if its just society or something else. Am i gay or just bi?

 

[JustJuice]

Maybe you're the opposite of me? I'd consider myself 97% straight, 3% gay. I get aroused when I look at gay porn, and the closest I've been to having sex with a man is a hand job, even though the opportunity to do more has been abundant.

As to what you could do about this, I'd suggest something sexual with a woman, simply because it's an experience, and life is made up of experiences you can look back on and say "yep, I tried it, and yep, I'm gay". Others may disagree with that philosophy, but if you ever get yourself into a long-term relationship with a man, the urge to try it may become overwhelming (maybe because the opportunity doesn't really exist anymore - who knows).

 

[KaraBulut]

But my real puzzle is that i get aroused when watching both straight and gay porn. I have never given it much thought untill now and i dont know what to make of it. I really like guys, but i cant get women out of my mind. I dont know if its just society or something else. Am i gay or just bi?

You're creating a choice in a situation where there's no need to make one.

If you had a thing for guys in uniform, no one would suggest that you had to enlist in the army to enjoy your fetish.

If you enjoy something, enjoy it for what it is. Don't waste effort trying to label it or figure out what anyone else thinks you should do.

 

[mbamike]

Get out there and experiment with both guys and girls. You will figure things.

 

[NCDogGuy]

Welcom to JUB Vaultboy.

I think you are you. And how you are is fine.

There is this push (I suffer from it to) to assign a label. Labels don't matter. You are how you are.

No one on the internet can tell you what you are. And don't let anyone tell you how you are is bad.

Hang in there. We all have our own struggles.

 

[EJMichaels]

...But my real puzzle is that i get aroused when watching both straight and gay porn. I have never given it much thought untill now and i dont know what to make of it. I really like guys, but i cant get women out of my mind. I dont know if its just society or something else. Am i gay or just bi?

First, what the other people said is right.

Second, the kind of porn that arouses you isn't perfectly correlated with your identity/orientation. You can be gay and like all kinds of porn. You might just like sexual things and the specifics don't matter. You might be attracted by the novelty of women. Or, you could be bi, and that's okay. A lot of men who call themselves gay have been with women in the past and still have some attraction to sexy women, and they don't consider themselves bi. They just acknowledge a capacity to response to sexiness. If society didn't try to force labels, more people would be comfortable doing that.

 

[Seasoned]

I disagree about labels to the extent that they can provide comfort and context to one's mind and life. It's assumed we are straight when we are born and those of us that are gay or bi come to that realization on our own, sometimes amidst inner turmoil.

I also don't agree with the notion of experimenting. While it may be easy enough to find willing partners of either sex, the notion that you'd have the hidden agenda of determing if you like one over the other, in my mind, seems callous.

I think you continue to examine your fantasies when you watch porn and when you masturbate. What is turning you on when you watch straight porn, the women or the men?

Some people, and I was one, self-identify as bi before admitting they are gay. Because I was married I thought that I must have been bi but, in fact, was not. Bisexuality exists and some people are apparently equally comfortable with both sexes. I don't know any so I don't know how they organize their lives in terms of relationships.

In any case, I welcome you to JUB and want you to know you are welcome to private message anyone here who you think would be good support. Wishing you the best and sorry there is no easy, absolute answer for you.

 

[vaultboy]

thanks for the advice guys. i guess your right about stupid labels that society put out their. i guess ill just go with the flow and see what happen in life.

 

[EJMichaels]

I disagree about labels to the extent that they can provide comfort and context to one's mind and life. It's assumed we are straight when we are born and those of us that are gay or bi come to that realization on our own, sometimes amidst inner turmoil.

Good point. I was thinking that the labels shouldn't be rules, not that they don't serve a purpose.

I also don't agree with the notion of experimenting. While it may be easy enough to find willing partners of either sex, the notion that you'd have the hidden agenda of determing if you like one over the other, in my mind, seems callous.

Definitely have to do experimenting with respect and honesty. There are women willing to be sexual on an experimental basis.

 

[I-Like-Dudes]

In my opinion, people are not either 100 percent gay or straight, or 50 percent of both. I believe you are like me, where I do like chicks, but I have never actually loved one like I've loved a man. I consider myself 70 percent gay- but that fluctuates often

Edit: Oh, and I've only really hooked up with a guy, never any girls yet. I'm 18, so it's still on my to-do list