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Sexually Repressed for a Decade

J

jm12480

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37 year old gay man.

I've been sexually repressed/abstinent/without physical contact for almost a decade now. It's not completely for lack of trying...much of it is that I have a hard time "hooking up." I need to be connected to someone for me to be able to really go there sexually. There are many other layers - fear, self-exclusion, emotional baggage I carry. I am not making excuses - it's just where I am. I've never dated. Never had a partner. Never had a boyfriend. No, I'm not a virgin - I've had sex multiple times. But at this point...I'm a born again virgin.

What happens to those of us who go so long without human contact? I'm lonely. I need and crave physical touch and sex. I want to be hugged, embraced, kissed, someone to hold my hand. I want all those things. But I fear I'm so far past the point of no return - I don't know how to do any of that anymore.

I'm not suicidal. I don't have destructive thoughts. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm pretty darn adjusted to life. But...it's lonely. It's difficult. What happens to us? What do we do? Are we simply "unrepairable?"

Wondering if anyone else has had an experience such as this in their life. I hope I'm not the only one.
 
Get your doctor to refer you to a sex surrogate, that way he can get you back on track.
 
jm12480 said:
I've been sexually repressed/abstinent/without physical contact for almost a decade now. It's not completely for lack of trying...much of it is that I have a hard time "hooking up." I need to be connected to someone for me to be able to really go there sexually. There are many other layers - fear, self-exclusion, emotional baggage I carry. I am not making excuses - it's just where I am. I've never dated. Never had a partner. Never had a boyfriend. No, I'm not a virgin - I've had sex multiple times. But at this point...I'm a born again virgin.
Click to expand...
There's a couple of conflicting statements here. On one hand, you want to feel connected to someone. On the other, you have a lot of baggage that has prevented you from feeling connected to another person.

If you're driving down the road and you encounter an obstacle, do you just stop in the road and wait for the obstacle to go away? Or do you get out of your car and move the obstacle so that you can continue down the road?

The question here is- now that you've identified that you have obstacles in your way of finding a relationship- "what are you doing to remove the obstacle?". If you can't move the obstacle yourself, then this is where it would be good to work with a therapist about getting rid of those obstacles.
 
jm12480 said:
37 year old gay man.

I've been sexually repressed/abstinent/without physical contact for almost a decade now. It's not completely for lack of trying...much of it is that I have a hard time "hooking up." I need to be connected to someone for me to be able to really go there sexually. There are many other layers - fear, self-exclusion, emotional baggage I carry. I am not making excuses - it's just where I am. I've never dated. Never had a partner. Never had a boyfriend. No, I'm not a virgin - I've had sex multiple times. But at this point...I'm a born again virgin.

What happens to those of us who go so long without human contact? I'm lonely. I need and crave physical touch and sex. I want to be hugged, embraced, kissed, someone to hold my hand. I want all those things. But I fear I'm so far past the point of no return - I don't know how to do any of that anymore.

I'm not suicidal. I don't have destructive thoughts. I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm pretty darn adjusted to life. But...it's lonely. It's difficult. What happens to us? What do we do? Are we simply "unrepairable?"

Wondering if anyone else has had an experience such as this in their life. I hope I'm not the only one.
Click to expand...

You are not the only one.
Did you try therapy? It helps a lot.
 
That happens to me somewhat. After a relationship ends I spend about two years being completely celibate and uninterested in sex or relationships. This has happened three times so far. Usually when the two year mark approaches, I get drunk and force myself to go to the clubs or go on grindr or other apps to get my release. Then I get a bit manic about it. I realize now it's not healthy. I agree with the last post. Maybe therapy would be a good option.
 
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