Shaving my chest hair?

[daniel85]

I am Asian and went on a date with a blonde recently. We were talking about having a second date next weekend, and he invited me to sleep over at his place on Friday night so that we can hang out the next day. (We live about two hours apart, and I will work at a place near his neighborhood on Friday.)

I think we are both into each other, and I'd like to see this develop into something more meaningful, i.e. a long-term relationship. I know that sex can serve as a superglue, so I certainly don't want to screw this up if there will be sex during the sleepover.

I wonder if I need to use 'nair' to get rid of my chest hair before I go. I am sort of an outlier to the Asian population, because I'm not smooth. I have a fair amount of body hair.

A while ago, I dated another Caucasian and we both liked each other very much, but when we were making out, he found out that I had chest hair and lost his interest in me. Afterwards he told me that many Caucasians like to date Asians because they are smooth, and he was caught off guard by my somewhat hairy chest.

I'm not sure if I need to communicate with the new blonde about his preference for my body hair. On the one hand, I don't want to turn him off if this happens to be a deal breaker. On the other hand, I don't want to go out of my way to please him especially in the beginning stage of a potential relationship. If he can't even tolerate my body hair, there may be more issues that can be deal breakers to him.

I look forward to hearing from you with your input! Any advice would be highly appreciated!

 

[future_retro]

If someone loses interest in you because you have some hair on your chest, do you really want to date that person?

 

[Seasoned]

Keep the hair until you want to be smooth. The first guy was only speaking for himself no matter what he said.

 

[Benvolio]

I suggest you assume he expects Asians to be smooth. I think you should Nair your chest the first time to get a feel for how he prefers it and how important it is to him. Then you need to determine whether he is worth it to you. An Asian with body hair may have fewer guys available. I say "may" because I don't claim to know.

 

[maxpowr9]

This topic piqued my interest. My boyfriend absolutely adores my hairy chest. If the guy you are with does not like you for who/what you are, move on to the next one.

 

[lonnie1]

Why don't you let him decide what he likes. When you show it to him, if he is turned off by it, offer to get rid of it right, then and there. Make the ultimate sacrifice. It will grow back.

 

[HunterM]

By all mean, SHAVE YOUR CHEST...if you look like this guy's harry chest. Nobody deserves to be suffocated in all that hair having sex.

Seriously, shave IF YOU want to shave it off. Otherwise, come as you are. It's like hair on your head. Leave it long if you want it long. Cut it off if you want to cut if off.

 

[Kyanimal]

Keep your Fur! (And post a pic of it for Us!)

If "Blondie" doesn't seem to like it? Let HIM shave it off!

THAT could lead to even more "Interesting" things!

Of course ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[KaraBulut]

Honestly, you're over-thinking this.

Don't overgroom for a relative stranger. If this were a long-term boyfriend, then making cosmetic changes might be more logical- assuming that you wanted to make them.

Be who you are.

Make some decisions about how far you're willing to go if opportunity present itself as this "sleepover". And of course, pack some condoms in your overnight bag- just in case.

 

[Benvolio]

The other posters may be overlooking that many Asians find blondes particularly attractive, since there are few blonde Asians. But the blondes who are attracted to Asians probably like the smoothness. You may never find a blonde who is looking for a hairy Asian. Yes, I am making some assumptions but you are in a better position than the rest of us to weigh the probabilities.

 

[Rolyo85]

If chest hair is a deal breaker, then you don't want this guy.

 

[TX-Beau]

Don't do it. Just give that other guy a big fuck you in your head for attempting to put a neurosis in your mind about yourself.

There are a whole lot of guys who like some fur a whole lot.

 

[Benvolio]

Nonsense, chest shaving is no different than any other grooming. Will you tell him not to comb his hair or cut it or put in highlights? Not to shave his face or take a bath?

 

[yhtang]

Well, if the fellow you are meeting is a person whom you wish/hope/desire to have a long term relationship, you have to consider this: if he wants you to have a smooth chest, you may have to maintain a smooth chest throughout your relationship.

Can you live with that? If you can, by all means. But do be careful if the matter of chest hair becomes the deal breaker for him. What else might be set off the termination of the relationship?

Perhaps you might wish to meet him under the "as is, where is" basis. I prefer the "Love me, love my dog" principle, but that's just me.

I wish you the best, and hope to hear the outcome of this meeting.

 

[daniel85]

Wow! Thank you very much everyone for your input. You've made me realize the pros and cons of shaving my chest.

I am aware that many people date Asians because of their smoothness, but I'd like my date to see the real me in the most natural light, not someone who is good at putting up a facade. If a smooth chest is something he likes to see, he should be able to communicate with me about his thoughts. After all, relationships are all about give and take.

I like someone who is clean shaven, but he kept some facial hair when I saw him last time. I'd consider that as a 'good to have', but not really a 'must to have'. In a similar vein, I hope my mate would be able to put everything I can offer into perspective.

I'm by no means as hairy as a chimpanzee (LOL), but to get him mentally prepared, I will wear a white textured lace-up sweater from Armani. I will pair it up with a coated white shirt jacket from Armani. This outfit should give him plenty of time to come up with an excuse to kick me out of his door in a friendly manner, if he does see the chest hair thing as a deal breaker.

Any other suggestions would be highly appreciated! I will be sure to keep all of you in the loop! By the way, I'll see another guy who works for a famous high-tech firm on Thursday. Both have their strengths (the blonde is better looking, but the other guy is more professionally accomplished and has better social skills), so I guess that I won't be heart-broken if the blonde gives me a cold shoulder.

P.S. Should I bring some gifts when I have a sleep-over at the blonde's place, eg. a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, some cologne or fragrance diffusers? I'm really new to this dating thing, and thank you very much for your patience!

 

[KaraBulut]

P.S. Should I bring some gifts when I have a sleep-over at the blonde's place, eg. a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, some cologne or fragrance diffusers? I'm really new to this dating thing, and thank you very much for your patience!

In the US, the rules are a little less formal, but in general, a gift in this instance would be optional.

If a friend invites you to their home and in particular if you are staying at their home, a small gift or an offer to buy dinner is good etiquette.

When on a date, you should only bring a gift if you know the person well enough to pick an appropriate gift. For example, if the guy is making dinner, offer to bring a bottle of wine or dessert. The reason you want to know the person well is that it would be awkward to bring wine if the person doesn't drink or bring a dessert if the person is on a diet or diabetic. The problem with flowers is that not all guys will have a vase, believe it or not.

If the date ends up being more a "friend" thing, you can offer to buy lunch or dinner. If it becomes more of a romantic thing, then you can buy a small token item during the day if you want to- it is not obligatory though since there will have been certain rewards to the date itself.

 

[HunterM]

It's funny to see majority of us concurred that your date should accept you for "come as you are". Dump him if he thinks chest hair is a deal breaker for him.

In a man to woman relationship, I cannot accept "come as you are". A woman who does not shave her armpits or legs is a deal breaker for me

P.S. Should I bring some gifts when I have a sleep-over at the blonde's place, eg. a bouquet of flowers, a bottle of wine, some cologne or fragrance diffusers? I'm really new to this dating thing

Just leave money on top of the dresser when you leave

Seriously, follow KaraBulut's advice

 

[Kyanimal]

daniel85, since I do not know where you are from, I have no knowledge of your cultural norms.

Here, in "The States", if it's 'just' a sleepover situation, YOU are the 'Gift', and there is no need for anything more!

However, if it's actually a 'Date' in residence, and he's formally making dinner, then some wine, or cheese, or a desert (chocolates?), would be considered 'nice'.

In either case, YOU, in Armani, would be considered FAR More than "Enough"!

Please keep us posted!

And, Yeah! ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[Benvolio]

Wine is not exactly a gift since you will share it, and it helps to get into the mood. You might say "Do you like wine?" or "I was thinking of bringing some wine, what do you prefer?"

 

[daniel85]

Thanks everyone for your encouragement and for your advice on what to bring. Just a quick update here:

When I texted the blonde about my bringing a bottle of Sangiovese Friday, he responded an hour later by saying that he just picked up 6 bottles of wine!

I am not really expecting him to use up all the wine he bought on me, but that is really sweet! I am very grateful to him for showing me what a potentially functional, affectionate relationship feels like. Hopefully I'll never have to return to the horrible world of dating where I'm constantly treated like crap!