She finally got a clue!!

[alley]

I yet again had dinner with the EX (God, I need some friends), and I have been dropping hints that I am less than straight for months, very passive-aggressive I know.

I got to the restuarant early and got a table and the waiter was a young guy---he was wearing a Texas Pride star (pink of course) and I did a little lite flirting---long eye contact, extra smiling nothing over the top...just for fun.

When my EX got there we had dinner and were talking---the waiter came over and asked if we needed anything,with a big smile for me----I smiled back. And after he left, she finally said something, "Something going on between the two of you?" Clearly not happy---I grabbed a fry and said, "Not yet."

 

[Alpha1851]

Wow Alley. I kind of feel bad for her. That's a pretty harsh way to find out. Damn.

 

[alley]

Was not after the waiter---was just for fun---a few weeks ago I almost told her but she me stopped and said she did not want to hear about if I was dating or anything....so I have not really tried since---we see each other once a week or so.

 

[alley]

Well, she had just criticized my clothes by telling me I was too old to wearing "that shirt"

 

[Alpha1851]

Well why in the hell are you hanging out w/ her if she's making you miserable? You have no children to force you two to meet up. Walk away.

You obviously don't have to tell her that you're gay (or anyone else of course) but damn, that's a horrible way to spring it on someone.

 

[alley]

We are like sister and brother and we push each others buttons sometimes---and she was repaying some money I loaned her--our relationship has not been a romantic one for a very long time--by her choice---

 

[metta]

I actually think that it was a good way to tell her...with humor....that would keep the situation lite. I guess that would also depend on your personality. If you tend to joke around a lot, I think that it would make sense.

I don't see any reason to drop her as a friend. I'm confused with that perception.

 

[Alpha1851]

I actually think that it was a good way to tell her...with humor....that would keep the situation lite. I guess that would also depend on your personality. If you tend to joke around a lot, I think that it would make sense.

Okay but remember that they're in a very public setting. I believe they are at least somewhat newly divorced and for some, the emotions are still raw. She's already told him that she doesn't want to know that he's dating. So why on earth would it be appropriate to throw it in her face? I mean, he's flirting away and trying to get the waiters number. She asks if he's gay and figures it out. Now, she has to do the politically correct thing by assuring Alley that it's totally cool that he's gay and that she's totally supportive of him and his new desires, at the same time, she'll be wondering if she's the one that turned him gay (yes, we all know this isn't possible but it does run a person's head. Same as if a guy cheats you wonder if it's your fault somehow), she's also probably gonna wrack her brain to see if she should've known he was gay, she'll wonder if he ever loved her, she'll wonder if he lied to her all those years and snuck off w/ men behind her back, and she'll wonder why in the hell he ever proposed to her in the first place, she'll wonder if he was repulsed by her body, she'll wonder he laughs at her now, she'll wonder if he lied to her every time he claimed to love her, and she'll wonder if she ever really knew him. All of this will go through her head but she'll have to plaster a fake smile on her face b/c they're in public. If she gets angry or cries or even asks any questions she'll cause a huge scene. I don't know, I'm not an emotional person but I wouldn't want to find out that way. It's a lot to take in. I would hope that the man that once wanted to build a life w/ me would have the respect to tell me in private. To me, dinner is supposed to causual and fun, not a come to Jesus meeting. Bare your soul and make your confessions in private.

I don't see any reason to drop her as a friend. I'm confused with that perceptionB/c he doesn't seem to enjoy her company. She's someone that he goes out w/ b/c he has no one else to hang w/. Leave her be for awhile and find new people. He's a free man--take advantage.

Just my 2 cents of course.

 

[alley]

I actually think that it was a good way to tell her...with humor....that would keep the situation lite. I guess that would also depend on your personality. If you tend to joke around a lot, I think that it would make sense.

Okay but remember that they're in a very public setting. I believe they are at least somewhat newly divorced and for some, the emotions are still raw. She's already told him that she doesn't want to know that he's dating. So why on earth would it be appropriate to throw it in her face? I mean, he's flirting away and trying to get the waiters number. She asks if he's gay and figures it out. Now, she has to do the politically correct thing by assuring Alley that it's totally cool that he's gay and that she's totally supportive of him and his new desires, at the same time, she'll be wondering if she's the one that turned him gay (yes, we all know this isn't possible but it does run a person's head. Same as if a guy cheats you wonder if it's your fault somehow), she's also probably gonna wrack her brain to see if she should've known he was gay, she'll wonder if he ever loved her, she'll wonder if he lied to her all those years and snuck off w/ men behind her back, and she'll wonder why in the hell he ever proposed to her in the first place, she'll wonder if he lied to her every time he claimed to love her. All of this will go through her head but she'll have to plaster a fake smile on her face b/c they're in public. If she gets angry or cries or even asks any questions she'll cause a huge scene. I don't know, I'm not an emotional person but I wouldn't want to find out that way. I would hope that the man that once wanted to build a life w/ me would have the respect to tell me in private.

I don't see any reason to drop her as a friend. I'm confused with that perceptionB/c he doesn't seem to enjoy her company. She's someone that he goes out w/ b/c he has no one else to hang w/. Leave her be for awhile and find new people. He's a free man--take advantage.

Just my 2 cents of course.

You are really reading more in to the situation than is there.


Again my ex has not been interested in ME---in many years---I got tired of fighting over not having sex and stopped asking for it years before we separated. We have a relatonship where we help one another when there is a need---



My quipe about having dinner with the EX---is because I have not gotten out to make many friends as yet--


And if you believe she would put on a fake smile and not make a scene---well that is not my Ex at all---She is a very strong woman who more than can take care of herself and makes her opinions known, wheather you want to hear them them or not---she has never been one to "suffer in silence"---

 

[Alpha1851]

I'm by no means suggesting that you're at fault for divorcing her or that you need to run back to her. Not at all. You are who you are. Not trying to change that. However, if she made a scene in public you'd post next that she was a big bitch. I personally wouldn't want to find out that way but your ex is obviously more cool w/ it. Which then makes me wonder why you don't just tell her. But, clearly you have it all figured out so I shall step out it. Good luck though. Too bad you didn't get the guys number.

 

[MrBarbrey]

not yet lol!!! classic

 

[alley]

I'm by no means suggesting that you're at fault for divorcing her or that you need to run back to her. Not at all. You are who you are. Not trying to change that. However, if she made a scene in public you'd post next that she was a big bitch. I personally wouldn't want to find out that way but your ex is obviously more cool w/ it. Which then makes me wonder why you don't just tell her. But, clearly you have it all figured out so I shall step out it. Good luck though. Too bad you didn't get the guys number.

Guess you had to be there to understand ---sounds like you are bringing some other issues into this that are just not part of our situaton.

 

[Alpha1851]

No I wasn't there Alley. I ate at McDonalds tonight. All I had to go by was your original post and to me by the way that you described it, it sounded like an uncomfortable situation all the way around. Do forgive me if I'm wrong. Again I shall leave your situation alone.

 

[alley]

Nope -you did not get to hear the part --which happened after-- where we joked about her getting yet another cat---her 10th I do believe----her need for me to take the oldest cat to the vet because she may need to be put to sleep. That she is planning on going on a cruise---and to which I nagged her that her money would be better spent on repairing her crumbling roof.

 

[Alpha1851]

Oh so it went well then. Yeah, I totally didn't get that from your first two posts. Well, congratulations!

 

[Rex]

Quit toying with her and just tell her.