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Should I ask him (str8 guy) out or not?

JRandell69

JRandell69

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There's this young straight guy I work with, who does have a girlfriend (who he even lives with), well... I've talked to him some and he seems real nice and I thought about asking him to go see a movie with me this wkend. That's all nothing else. Just as friends. So...

Should I? Will it look weird?
Will it sound like I am asking him out on a date?
Should I invite his girlfriend to come along too? (even though I really don't want to have to entertain her too. I really would like for it to be just him and me.)
Should I just forget it?

I'm afraid he may be like, "Dude. I got a girlfriend. I want to spend my time with her. Why do I want to hang out with you?"

Of course, if I ask her to come too, it won't sound so much like I'm asking him on a date. So I'm definitely going to have to ask her to come too if I do this....right?

What do you guys think?
 
Does he know you're gay? If yes, then you shouldn't, it WILL seem like asking out. If no, then depends on the guy. Either way, if he's committed, it's just good manners to invite the girl as well.
 
There's no just as friends in this scenario- Unless if you are just quite socially awkward when it comes to making friends. My advice- If you are banking on some glimmer of hope of something happening with you both, or that he might on some level like you back (Which it sounds like you are)- Drop it, and move on. Save yourself the trouble of useless mind games. The does he like me... But there's all of these signs everyone.. He has too... Should I confess my love to him.. I don't want to ruin my friendship...
 
It depends what your motivations are. Do you like him as a friend and want to hang out with him more because you think he's cool to hang out with? Or, do you want to hang out with him in order to become friends so that hopefully, one day, he will admit his secret lust of men to you, and you guys can live happily ever after?

If you only want to hang out with him because you secretly want him, I'd say skip it, move on. Theres no point in wasting your time. But if you guys have already been friends and your just trying to chill with him I don't think its that bad. I think if you do that, you should either invite another mutual friend or tell him his GF can come so its not so 'date' like
 
TX-Beau said:
If it's the same guy from this thread:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?t=356107

No, you should leave well enough alone for all the reasons provided.
Click to expand...

It's Saturday night, he is probably out with his girlfriend having a good time and I sit here in the dark, drinking, alone and depressed thinking about him. It's sad.
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You're a grown ass man (30+) infatuated about a straight 19 year old (College student) who's done nothing but be friendly. Get it together!

Just let this kid be for good. Find a hobby, volunteer, find a guy your own age and one that's gay and a realistic possibility. I don't know if you are still self-pittying yourself, but stop if you are. It's not good. Get your life together. Make something better out of it. Enjoy it, stop creeping. Hey, it's normal to find a young non-realistic guy attractive, but appreciate it and move on.

Sorry for being so harsh, but it's finally time to move on from this one.
 
Thanx 4 the advice guys.

I am really just looking for a friend and think that he would be a cool friend. Yes he is 19 and I am 30+.

I don't have many friends. I don't have straight ones because I'm afraid to ask them to go do something with me, cause they might think I am gay. Plus I can't be myself around them, I have to talk about girls and that sort of thing.

I don't have gay friends, because all they want is to get into my pants and if you reject them, then they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Plus I don't really want to be friends with a guy that's lusting after me unless I am lusting back.

Anyway, I was planning on go to the movies this wkend anyway, I "guess" it's okay to just simply ask if this guy and his gf want to meet me there if they want to.

He's probably going to say no anyway.
 
JRandell69 said:
Thanx 4 the advice guys.

I am really just looking for a friend and think that he would be a cool friend. Yes he is 19 and I am 30+.

I don't have many friends. I don't have straight ones because I'm afraid to ask them to go do something with me, cause they might think I am gay. Plus I can't be myself around them, I have to talk about girls and that sort of thing.

I don't have gay friends, because all they want is to get into my pants and if you reject them, then they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Plus I don't really want to be friends with a guy that's lusting after me unless I am lusting back.

Anyway, I was planning on go to the movies this wkend anyway, I "guess" it's okay to just simply ask if this guy and his gf want to meet me there if they want to.

He's probably going to say no anyway.
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Yeah, I have to agree with the others. There is quite a gap in the age difference, it's not always a bad thing but it can have a significant effect on your friendship. Also, if something were to happen like a defensive rejection because of the difference in your sexuality, it could make things at work awkward. Maybe just keep the friendship on a friendly workplace level. It should save you a lot of heartache and pain.
 
to be honest, and i don't wanna sound mean here because Im not trying to be,
I would leave it be. I am 19 years old, and I would think it was rlly odd for a 30 y.o guy to ask me to go to a movie with him, regardless of orientation. If you had already previously established a really good friendship and you guys both talked a lot because you worked together or something, it might not be as weird, but even still. I wouldn't do it. Of all the people I know in my life who are around that age, I would find it odd if any of them invited me to a one-on-one movie, even if they told me I could bring a significant other.
back out before you make things awkward for yourself IMO
 
Okay guys... I'm now starting to think that maybe it's a bad idea.

Maybe I should just forget it and go by myself.
 
I don't mean to be insulting- But have you ever thought about going to see a shrink? Because I honestly think, it might be an experience that you could benefit from.
 
I've seen your situation before, a quiet guy who's denied himself as a teen only to find himself socially immature as he finally begins to act upon his sexual curiosity. You're attracted to younger guys because you see yourself as younger than you are and I'm guessing you're afraid that guys your age have more experience and would intimidate you.

Just because this guy can be friendly doesn't mean he wants to spend time away from work with you.

You could sort out your interests and begin to join some groups or participate in activities that attract gay men. It's time to expand your circle of friends and if you have none it's time to make some. The danger, if you're isolated, is that you'll fantasize to the point where you will believe made up scenarios. That is dangerous and needs to be avoided.

Please stop obsessing about this kid and make some moves to meet gay guys.
 
In general, there's nothing wrong with asking a straight guy (or a gay guy for that matter) to hang out as friends.

However... there's some red flags in this situation that make this not a usual situation.

There's an obsessive nature to the attraction that you have to this guy. There's really no motivation for you to hang out with someone much younger that you don't know and that you don't seem to have much in common with. It's probably better for both of you that you don't pursue this situation any further.

JRandell69 said:
I don't have gay friends, because all they want is to get into my pants and if you reject them, then they don't want to have anything to do with you anymore. Plus I don't really want to be friends with a guy that's lusting after me unless I am lusting back.
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And this just adds more complexity to your scenario. You're generalizing about all gay people. And instead, you're pursuing a straight guy that is in a relationship.

This creates a situation where you are avoiding dealing with your own issues and your feelings about your own sexuality.
 
KaraBulut said:
This creates a situation where you are avoiding dealing with your own issues and your feelings about your own sexuality.
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Game, set, match...

But I'm way more long-winded than Kara, so....

This obsession of yours is a means of avoiding your own issues about yourself.

There is no gay man on the planet so hot - and definitely not a closeted "way over thirty," guy chasing a straight teenager - that EVERY gay man just wants in his pants.

To be frank, and I'm just a little younger than you are and no matter how hot you are, I wouldn't be interested in you for anything OTHER than being your friend (and maybe not even that if your issues are too severe) - because you are in no position to offer anything esle to anybody until you figure some things out.

That attitude is also a way of justifying to yourself why you have no gay life. It couldn't be that you have issues with your own gayness, no, all gay men just want in your pants and that is so offensive - never mind that you are attempting to strike up a friendship with a specific sexual agenda - and no matter how nicely you put that, it is the M.O. of a predator.

BUT the real reasons for all of this are fear, isolation, and probably some internalized homophobia. We can't say for sure unless you talk about it - and we for damn sure aren't going to tell you it's a good idea to try to get close to one of your teenage EMPLOYEES in a bid to perv on him from the front seat.

If you want to talk about yourself, we'll be happy to try and help, but no matter how many threads you post about this guy, no one is going to give you permission to do something even you know is a disaster in the making.
 
Well... I didn't ask him out to the movies this wkend. I chickened out.

There is one thing about the guy that I really can't stand, and that is he seems very shy. I can't stand guys that are shy. Just tell me what you're thinking.

I do have trouble making friends. I have trouble getting close to people. Should I just tell guys straight or gay how I feel about boys and then try to make friends with them???

There are some gay guys that probably would go to the movies with me that I kinda know, but will they perv on me?

Straight guys really don't want to be with me if they think I am gay cause other people might start thinking that THEY are gay too. A straight guy told me this once. And he didn't want to be around me.

This guy however just acts nice and cool. He doesn't act like real gay, you know, just a normal dude to hang with. That's what I am looking for in a friend.
 
What exactly is "act gay?" Why aren't you interested in having friends who "act gay?"

Ex post facto because YOU think that others will then think YOU are gay - you need to start dealing with that.

You're have problems getting close to people because they'll find out, you have problems making friends because lying to people and keeping them at an arm's distance isolates you from the camaraderie necessarily to make friends.

As per the gay guys perving on you, did you not say this:

Plus I don't really want to be friends with a guy that's lusting after me unless I am lusting back.
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And is that not exactly what YOU are trying to do with this kid?

I'm going to be blunt. Get over yourself. None of us are so hot that all gay men pant after us.

And why are you worried about a gay man being interested in you? Does that scare you perhaps?

Why would that be?

Think about it.
 
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