Should I ask him (str8 guy) out or not?

[CHAD360]

You're a grown ass man (30+) infatuated about a straight 19 year old (College student) who's done nothing but be friendly. Get it together!

Just let this kid be for good. Find a hobby, volunteer, find a guy your own age and one that's gay and a realistic possibility. I don't know if you are still self-pittying yourself, but stop if you are. It's not good. Get your life together. Make something better out of it. Enjoy it, stop creeping. Hey, it's normal to find a young non-realistic guy attractive, but appreciate it and move on.

Sorry for being so harsh, but it's finally time to move on from this one.

I like your style. It is not harsh, its honest.

 

[Rolyo85]

Which would be awesome if you didn't actually want to penetrate/be penetrated by him.

You are 30+. He is a teenager. You have no basis for friendship with him, to put it bluntly. And to put it even more bluntly, you shouldn't be in a position where you have control over younger guys. This kid works for you - do you realize how awkward and potentially disastrous this could get?


You label too easily, and that is absolutely disgusting to me. Straight guys won't hang with you if they know you're gay, cause ppl will think they're gay too? And your basis for this is that a straight guy once told you that? Jeez, then it MUST be true for ALL straight guys.

Well news flash - that's bullshit! All of my closest friends are straight, and they hang out with me all the time, including in public. EVEN with my rainbow bracelet and obnoxious checking guys out attitude. And do you know why? Cause I'm really cool to be around and hang out with.


And ALL gay guys want to get in your pants? For realz? Really really? Then how come you are on a forum full of gay guys asking for advice? Or is it just because we're online so we cant jump your bones first chance we get? I'm sorry but that's utterly pathetic. I cannot begin to list all the gay guys I know whose pants I DON'T want in. Or the guys I would sleep with, but don't cause, you know, we're both actually people and have higher brain functions so we can actually restrain ourselves.

You have issues. Read TX's post (you ignored it in your post), and if you have, read it again. It's an unpleasant truth, but in the end being gay is all about facing unpleasant truths. You can hide all your life and perv on teenagers, or you can face the music, stop being a creep and live an actually fulfilling life.

Seriously...

 

[TX-Beau]

...You label too easily, and that is absolutely disgusting to me. Straight guys won't hang with you if they know you're gay, cause ppl will think they're gay too? And your basis for this is that a straight guy once told you that? Jeez, then it MUST be true for ALL straight guys....

I understand where he's coming from on this. It's a generational and cultural thing. All y'all young'uns don't really comprehend the kind of straight male gay paranoia that was really prevalent a decade or so before you were born - and that's a good thing.

When I was a teenager that was still pretty common, and it's not entirely gone now, but there is a whole lot less of it. The straight guys I went to high school with - to this day - won't become really good friends with a gay guy (including me who WAS their good friend - not all of them just most) because they think that automatically makes them suspect.

Y'all have it much easier - just like I had it much easier - I didn't have to deal with the obligatory gay bashings of previous generations, and that is the point of being out and being ourselves.

Be that as it may, JRandell69 talk to us, about yourself, about your life, and not about this pointless fantasy you're using to avoid the relevant issue.

 

[JRandell69]

Which would be awesome if you didn't actually want to penetrate/be penetrated by him.

You are 30+. He is a teenager. You have no basis for friendship with him, to put it bluntly. And to put it even more bluntly, you shouldn't be in a position where you have control over younger guys. This kid works for you - do you realize how awkward and potentially disastrous this could get?


You label too easily, and that is absolutely disgusting to me. Straight guys won't hang with you if they know you're gay, cause ppl will think they're gay too? And your basis for this is that a straight guy once told you that? Jeez, then it MUST be true for ALL straight guys.

Well news flash - that's bullshit! All of my closest friends are straight, and they hang out with me all the time, including in public. EVEN with my rainbow bracelet and obnoxious checking guys out attitude. And do you know why? Cause I'm really cool to be around and hang out with.


And ALL gay guys want to get in your pants? For realz? Really really? Then how come you are on a forum full of gay guys asking for advice? Or is it just because we're online so we cant jump your bones first chance we get? I'm sorry but that's utterly pathetic. I cannot begin to list all the gay guys I know whose pants I DON'T want in. Or the guys I would sleep with, but don't cause, you know, we're both actually people and have higher brain functions so we can actually restrain ourselves.

You have issues. Read TX's post (you ignored it in your post), and if you have, read it again. It's an unpleasant truth, but in the end being gay is all about facing unpleasant truths. You can hide all your life and perv on teenagers, or you can face the music, stop being a creep and live an actually fulfilling life.

Seriously...

Gee Rolyo, I am just being honest. I don't think I am all that, but that's just been my experience with gay guys. Gay guys DO tend to like me for sex rather than just friendship. I'm sure there are some gay guys that probably want just friendship.

No offense to anyone. But to be honest, if a guy acts too gay, then yeah I am a little embarrassed to be seen with him. But that's just me. Being gay is cool.

I am trying to get over this kid. Gee guys I just thought he'd make a cool friend that's all. But I guess it would look weird to be with him.

Now my JUB friends are starting to turn on me.

But I do think I am handling the situation good so far, I didn't ask him to do anything with me this wkend. Thanks to advice from u guys. So I guess he still likes me okay and doesn't think I am a creep. Guys like me okay but.... I just don't know how to get them to do anything with me.

 

[Telstra]

Just look for men who like male on male sex and be their friend.
Sex is not compulsory if you don't want it.

 

[JRandell69]

And Rolyo.... if u got straight friends that like to hang with you, then good for you, but where I am from..... that's uncool.

You can't just ask a straight guy to go to the movies or do something with you around here. And if they know you're gay, then they sure as hell don't want to have anything to do with you.

Believe me I know.

 

[TX-Beau]

Now my JUB friends are starting to turn on me.

But I do think I am handling the situation good so far, I didn't ask him to do anything with me this wkend. Thanks to advice from u guys. So I guess he still likes me okay and doesn't think I am a creep. Guys like me okay but.... I just don't know how to get them to do anything with me.

Nobody is "turning" on you - we understand where you are coming from and so understand the games you're playing with yourself. You don't have to listen, in fact I'm quite sure you'll continue to ignore anyone who says things you don't want to think about. We've all been there as well.

you might consider that having been there and done that a lot of us may have something useful for you to consider.

And you can't get anyone to "do" anything with you by pursuing straight guys while you freely assert that all gay men want is to "do," something with you. That you don't want to be friends with guys who perv on you but that's exactly what you're after with your 19 yr, old straight, taken, employee. you're damn near 40 ask yourself WHY you would fixate on someone so completely and utterly unattainable.

Your posts are extremely self contradictory.

 

[Rolyo85]

Why do you mind hanging out with "gay acting" guys?

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

Gee Rolyo, I am just being honest. I don't think I am all that, but that's just been my experience with gay guys. Gay guys DO tend to like me for sex rather than just friendship. I'm sure there are some gay guys that probably want just friendship.

No offense to anyone. But to be honest, if a guy acts too gay, then yeah I am a little embarrassed to be seen with him. But that's just me. Being gay is cool.

I think it's a non-realistic perception that you developed to cope with having sex under the delusion that you weren't being manipulated in some which way.- A way to not feel used after having sex. Devalued and manipulated.- I think you're insecure and I think the biggest part of you is just wants to belong and to feel accepted. I think your ideas and way of thinking are a bit underdeveloped for being 30+ and something that you should work on correcting. I still do think that you should seek the help of a professional, and that's nothing to be embarrassed about doing. It's taking a step in the right direction, and I think it will honestly help.

I'm also kind of curious where you meet these gay men at.

I am trying to get over this kid. Gee guys I just thought he'd make a cool friend that's all. But I guess it would look weird to be with him.

You are infatuated with someone in a way that isn't healthy for either of you, and it's been a few months now that you've been obsessed with this guy. Your intentions if you are actually honest with yourself, are not just friendship with this guy. & I think you know that too.

If they were the OP would be structured much differently- It would talk about having a hard time making friends, being socially awkward. Asking how to make friends easier. Socialize better. How friendship dynamics work, and how to overcome the kinks within.

Now my JUB friends are starting to turn on me.

But I do think I am handling the situation good so far, I didn't ask him to do anything with me this wkend. Thanks to advice from u guys. So I guess he still likes me okay and doesn't think I am a creep. Guys like me okay but.... I just don't know how to get them to do anything with me.

This is the second thread that you've made on this topic, this time you've included less details, trying to make your story seem more innocent.- Less creepy. Honestly, you're looking for the advice that you want to hear, and ignoring the advice that everyone is trying to give you. It's the reason why you ignored all the first responses. Each response in this thread, tried to conveying to you that this would not be a good idea.

Just because you aren't getting the responses that you thought you would doesn't mean that everyone is against you. People are responding negatively because it isn't a good idea, and it's quite honestly creepy. It's people taking time out of there way to try to help, nothing more. Things have been stripped down, and put bluntly- So, you don't cling on misreading what people are trying to say. I mean even after receiving all negative responses, you still thought that it might be a good idea.

And Rolyo.... if u got straight friends that like to hang with you, then good for you, but where I am from..... that's uncool.

You can't just ask a straight guy to go to the movies or do something with you around here. And if they know you're gay, then they sure as hell don't want to have anything to do with you.

Believe me I know.

Do you think that the reason might be your social skills and not people's homophobia? The fact that you might come off as extremely creepy?

 

[TX-Beau]

...No offense to anyone. But to be honest, if a guy acts too gay, then yeah I am a little embarrassed to be seen with him. But that's just me. Being gay is cool...

being gay is cool so long as you don't have to be seen with them?

You're not fooling anyone you know.

 

[TX-Beau]

Why do you mind hanging out with "gay acting" guys?

Because he equates "acting gay" with effeminate which he has a problem with.

 

[Rolyo85]

I know, and I know why. I just wanted him to answer...

 

[bw92116]

You're wasting valuable time on a guy who doesn't want you. It's a dead end, it will never go anywhere, so just let go of it. For your own sanity, you have to shift your focus from him back to you.

As far as the movie, ask a guy who likes going to the movies to go to a movie with you. If you don't know any offhand, look on some of the gay social sites and do a search for a guy in your town who mentions in his profile he likes going to movies. It will be way better than the movie date you were fantasizing of with the other guy.

 

[TX-Beau]

I know, and I know why. I just wanted him to answer...

Sorry, neither of us are going to have any luck getting through to him I suspect.

 

[JRandell69]

Why do you mind hanging out with "gay acting" guys?

Well I don't know. I guess it's because I'm not out. If people see me out with them, then they're going to think I'm gay. But I guess I could try. I'm open to it and I'll give it some thought.

But getting back to my situation with this kid. I got a cool idea.... I could have a girl go with me to the movies, and ask this kid and his girlfriend to come with us.

You know a double date. That way he won't think I'm gay cause I got a chick with me.

Or would it still look weird? So far I haven't crossed any lines with this kid. We still just co workers who speak to one another every once and a while. I'm afraid if I ask him to do something outside of work is when I'm going to cross a line and get into trouble.

He's just a nice guy guys. Okay...I'd like to have a friend like him.

 

[Telstra]

What is the purpose of asking him out?

If ask him out just as a friend go for it BUT if the intention is sexual, no don't ask him out.

 

[JRandell69]

To tell you the truth guys.... I'm a little scared. I think I maybe getting fixated on this guy. I tend to do crazy stuff when I get fixated on guys.

This happened to me once before, I got fixated on another straight guy once before and I kinda drove him crazy. He threaten to beat me up and kill me. I didn't mean for that to happen but he just turned into a complete prick.

He's a big enemy of mine today. I haven't seen him in a long time. It's a shame cause we could have been good friends. But... he didn't want that.

But I believe it is possible to make friends with guys if you make the right choices. That's why I need some advice from the board on stuff like.....well should I invite him out to the movies or not. Should I do this or that.

I'm sure you guys have been fixated on someone before. I know you probably know what I am going through, so I just need your "honest" advice on this matter and I thank you for it.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

JRandell69,
Maybe you should just print out your threads, and give this guy a copy.

Once, again- I would suggest going to see a shrink to help you work though these issues. There are issues. & I am telling you this much if you peruse this "friendship" with your current mentality- You are headed in the same direction as your last interaction "friendship". The only difference that might very, is how extreme the response in the end will be.

Fixation isn't a good quality to posses in any form of a relationship.

 

[JRandell69]

I think I am starting to get over him. If he wants to be my friend fine. If not, F*** him.

I'll keep u guys updated.

 

[cocksucker4use]

You should not objectify and pursue men who are unobtainable at your work. Well, anywhere, but especially not at work. Or, is that the deal? Get to know someone peripherally at work. Some attractive straight man. Pursue him until he gets tired or scared or whatever and pushes back. Then he is rejecting your friendship and he's a prick, an enemy. He is not rejecting you because he is simply not interested in you, but because he is an asshole. That's somehow is more comfortable for you than risking rejection by someone who is available? WTF? Burned on this once, let it go, for sure. I have several hella cute young men at my office. Chat em up, and laugh, go out in groups once in awhile. That's it. Had one job where my predecessor had fucked around, and the guys on the floor thought because I was gay, I wanted to serial "date" them, too. Told them honestly to call me after they quit. Funny, I never got one call, and I fired a lot of them...Under current labor law in most places, you could lose your job for sexual harassment, creating a hostile work environment and perhaps be liable for civil suit, especially if they happen to be of some protected class (religious, ethnic, racial minority).