Should I be taking advantage of his confusion ?

[Shattereddreams]

I've had the biggest crush on my best friend since we were in like ninth grade and like a week ago we were at a party and we all got into this huge circle and played truth or dare which is so stupid considering were all mature 19 year olds.

We had a lot to drink, I was on the verge of throwing up and I'm guessing so was he, then they dared us to make out which is a dream come true for me and we did it without hesitation, and it felt amazing.


I thought that was the end of it even though I couldn't stop thinking about it and my friend is super straight. He has like 50 playboy issues, lesbien porn, 3 girlfriends currently and one night stands all over the place, he's fucked like a thousand girls !


But him and I have always had this deep connection. We have been friends for almost 6 years ago and we understand each other so much that its freaky. Sometimes he tells me what I am thinking.


So two days ago, he comes over. We chill, we watch some " The O.C " and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he kisses me and the kiss lasts for a few minutes.


He then gets up and says he has to leave, yesterday I tried calling him all day and he wouldn't reply. This morning he leaves me a message saying " Very confused, right now, need to figure things out, can't see you for a while "


Okay this could be anything, it could be a phase, confusion, aftermath of a drunken kiss......but what should I do ? Its clearly not the lifestyle he wants and as much as I love him should I help restore balance to his life and make him get over it or should I tip the scales in my direction and make him mine ?


Please help, his confusion is confusing me now !

 

[Shattereddreams]

Would you want him to take advantage of you if you were confused??

Give him space and let him work through whatever he is going through.

To be honest I really don't know what I want but I am going to give him space which is hard to do since we both go to the same universtiy, have two classes together and are together almost everyday of the week and when were not together, were BBMing. You know I mean I guess it'll work out either way, I'm going to have him a friend no matter what happens !

 

[ronboy]

If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Don't go pushing yourself on him. That's ther surest method of frightening him away.

Give him the time he needs. You're both on the same campus, so you know you'll eventually see him.

Once you get the chance to talk to him (respecting his terms, of course), then you can judge whether or not your feelings for him are returned.

 

[Shattereddreams]

If it's meant to be, it will happen.

Don't go pushing yourself on him. That's ther surest method of frightening him away.

Give him the time he needs. You're both on the same campus, so you know you'll eventually see him.

Once you get the chance to talk to him (respecting his terms, of course), then you can judge whether or not your feelings for him are returned.

Thank you for the advice, I really hope its as easy as you make it sound.

 

[Lefty]

e-mail him

You are my friend ...yesterday, today and tomorrow

work out what you need too, that part won't change

sign your name

let it go where it will.

 

[evanrick]

maybe an identity crisis...and he actually needs your support now more than ever and does not know how to act or ask you. if he doesn't want to talk, just talk to him.
or maybe he is just very sexual or bisexual.
i don't think he regrets kissing you it may have been the best thing to happen to him.
yes he was drunk but you both confirmed something you have felt for a long long time.
if he is feeling guilty which it sounds like then yeah he will not want to see you since it will only remind him of his feelings for you, and it sounds like they are deep feelings probably love.
but dont take it from me i am not an expert. dont take it personally you will need to guide him. you are his friend and he may feel that hes now forced to "choose"
i know thats a very sloppy analogy but his body has already chosen you, now his mind has to sort it out.

Or it could be his previous relationships have lacked emotional satisfaction and you are an natural source of that. men today are emotionally starved by culture, and are discovering that sometimes to satisfy that starvation you will basically binge on that emotional connection.

you don't sound like the kind of person that should be worried if you are taking advantage of him, if you feel at any point you are betraying yourself or your friendship, that's when you are doing something wrong.

 

[The White Stripe]

Let him think it out. LET HIM COME TO YOU!

Don't overwhelm him whatever you do. He may actually have feelings for you or you may be right and he might just be really confused right now.

Be there for him when he comes to you, like any friend, but don't scare him. This is most likely a very difficult thing for him...

 

[star-warrior]

I'd leave him to sort his own head out. But if he calls, respect him rather than letting your lust push him. If he wants to talk, fine, if he want to move things along, that's ok. If he decides its stop time, then be prepared to be sad, but always offer the hand of friendship (no and not in that naughty way), as who knows, when he's less uptight, he might even get adventurous again.

 

[frankfrank]

This may or may not be the best thing, but if I had the identical situation I'd say this to him, as close to these words as possible:

"I realize you need some space, and I'll respect that unconditionally. I'm thankful for the friendship we've had, and any future resumption is your call. If you ever need to talk to me about anything, I'll be a good listener and give the most honest answer or thought that I know how. If you want an apology about anything, please tell me, as I would never want to do anything to hurt you."

Not very long, and I don't think it's very intrusive.

Well, that's what I'd do. No guarantee it works for anybody else, because I'm pretty independent and there's no guarantee anybody else does things the same way.

 

[Shattereddreams]

e-mail him

You are my friend ...yesterday, today and tomorrow

work out what you need too, that part won't change

sign your name

let it go where it will.

Thank you for the advice but e-mailing him wouldn't be me giving him space.

 

[Shattereddreams]

first off 19 year olds playing drinking games NOT MATURE (not that i'm judging everyone is immature from time to time) if it were me, i would try my best to respect his wishes and give him space, otherwise you could lose him as a friend, and who know he may choose you

Haha I know, we do it almost everytime we party ( the games )

 

[Shattereddreams]

maybe an identity crisis...and he actually needs your support now more than ever and does not know how to act or ask you. if he doesn't want to talk, just talk to him.
or maybe he is just very sexual or bisexual.
i don't think he regrets kissing you it may have been the best thing to happen to him.
yes he was drunk but you both confirmed something you have felt for a long long time.
if he is feeling guilty which it sounds like then yeah he will not want to see you since it will only remind him of his feelings for you, and it sounds like they are deep feelings probably love.
but dont take it from me i am not an expert. dont take it personally you will need to guide him. you are his friend and he may feel that hes now forced to "choose"
i know thats a very sloppy analogy but his body has already chosen you, now his mind has to sort it out.

Or it could be his previous relationships have lacked emotional satisfaction and you are an natural source of that. men today are emotionally starved by culture, and are discovering that sometimes to satisfy that starvation you will basically binge on that emotional connection.

you don't sound like the kind of person that should be worried if you are taking advantage of him, if you feel at any point you are betraying yourself or your friendship, that's when you are doing something wrong.

Thank you so so so much, your reply really helped ! If its an identity crisis how am I supposed to help him if I should give him space ? Yes, I would his previous relationships and current ones don't satisfiy him emotionally....he has too much sex and not enough talking...I could give him what he wants * sighs *

 

[Shattereddreams]

This may or may not be the best thing, but if I had the identical situation I'd say this to him, as close to these words as possible:

"I realize you need some space, and I'll respect that unconditionally. I'm thankful for the friendship we've had, and any future resumption is your call. If you ever need to talk to me about anything, I'll be a good listener and give the most honest answer or thought that I know how. If you want an apology about anything, please tell me, as I would never want to do anything to hurt you."

Not very long, and I don't think it's very intrusive.

Well, that's what I'd do. No guarantee it works for anybody else, because I'm pretty independent and there's no guarantee anybody else does things the same way.

I'm actually gonna use that but after he contacts me first because I think most of the people on this forum agree on the fact that I should give him space.

 

[Shattereddreams]

are you out as bisexual to your friend?

He knows I'm bi, he's the first person I came out too !

 

[ShihTzuTylenol]

...we all got into this huge circle and played truth or dare which is so stupid considering were all mature 19 year olds.

Aight, stop right there -- first of all, mature 19 year olds is an oxymoron like jumbo shrimp or military intelligence.

...then they dared us to make out which is a dream come true for me and we did it without hesitation, and it felt amazing.

hmmmm, I'm not buying it. How you gonna tell me you made out with your buddy while he is supposed to be all, "super straight" and shit? Huh? How you gonna tell me that? He can't be all THAT super straight if he doesn't hesitate to kiss a boy after a butt load of alcohol [I'm assuming kissing was involved? kissing and petting?]. Anywho, alcohol usually brings out inner feelings, true colors [if you will?], so I think 'super straight boy' has at least a curious side he's been hiding from you/from the world. Maybe all the fucking of women is to try and convince himself the gay thoughts will fade away?

That's right, I'm an armchair psychoanalyst, and **looking at watch** oooo sorry, looks like our time is up now; that'll be $98(US) please...no personal checks

I thought that was the end of it even though I couldn't stop thinking about it and my friend is super straight. He has like 50 playboy issues, lesbien porn, 3 girlfriends currently and one night stands all over the place, he's fucked like a thousand girls !

a few choice magazines and some stray pussy does-ith not a straight man make-ith!
_________________________________william shakespear

So two days ago, he comes over. We chill, we watch some "The O.C." and then all of a sudden out of nowhere he kisses me and the kiss lasts for a few minutes.

AHA! The O.C.? There you go...you're both gay, I rest my case...

 

[evanrick]

well since someone already said it my post can be boiled down to yeah your both gay. there's nothing to hide remember!

 

[jaysizzles]

I pretty much agree with what ShihTzuTyleno said above ...especially the O.C. part!

anyway...in this instance, I'd give him his space, but would send a text right away saying something like...we're friends no matter what...let's talk when you want.

 

[GhostMost]

I wouldn't say it isn't "clearly the lifestyle he wants," it took me a while to come to terms with my sexuality, but i definitely wanted to accept it. But you're already doing the right thing by accepting that you want to be his friend even if love doesn't happen. Things will work out even if you two don't end up together, I'm confident about that.