should i break up with my bf?

[chrisied]

I think that my boyfriend is pretty much using me for sex and thats it, which i really dont want. two days ago and asked him out for a meal and then off to the movies, payed all by me. he said yes that would be great.
the time comes and he cancels on me coz HE IS TOO TIED!!!! to me that doesnt sound right. he was going to get a free meal and a movie and he wouldn't of had to spent a penny. if i was him i would of still gone. it doesnt sound rite.
this is not the first time is has done this. when i try to sort something out he either says he is too tired or he had FORGOTTEN! i have told him that this really hurts my feelings, but he doesnt seem to get it. i have now got to the point of thinking about breaking up with him. i just feel that i am convenient to him. i want a relationship not just a fuck once in a while. he has been my first bf and he is not treating me the way i thought a relationship should be like.
What do u think i should do? and if u think i should break up with him, how should i do it (neva broken up with someone before)?

 

[Eagle653]

Based on just what you wrote, my question would be: Why haven't you broken up with him already? It seems like a no-brainer.

Something attracted you to him in the first place. Are those things still valid? Is there a good-side to this relationship? Does he ever initiate anything (non-sexual, like a dinner or movie date)?

From the way you describe him, if you broke up with him, I'm not sure he'd notice, so I wouldn't sweat the details of how to do it. Just stop communicating might be enough...

 

[Roland00]

Fact: He is using you for sex and doesn't want to nurture or expand the relationship.

You have 3 options

1) You can continue as it currently is thing is, pretending somehow the situation will change, thing is it won't change you just put on a face and pretend its all good.
2) You can demand a change in how both of you see the relationship, and then define it as something we aren't dating we are just fuck buddies now. Make him realize the change of the relationship. While this may not change what actually occurs in the relationship it isn't as emotionally and life draining as number 1 thus its more healthy.
3) You can break up with him and find yourself a decent man. Sorry this man is your first relationship and you have no prior experience but this isn't what you want (and not how I would define a boyfriend relationship) it may be fuck buddies, but it isn't dating. Based off your comments it is obvious you are willing to put effort into a relationship, so yeah you will find yourself another man and a better one at that.

Now what I would do and what I would recommend you do is something I am going to keep to myself. You are a man, it is your life, your relationship, you can make your own decisions. What do you want to do?

 

[tallguy297]

G'day Chrisied,

Think averageguy is onto something here....

Mate - the most important thing in any friendship or relationship is respect - for both yourself and your partner. Without it nothing meaningful satisfying or long lasting will ever last...as you are finding out. Your feelings and emotions are incredibly important - and they are worth a great deal. Never feel that you have an obligation to someone if you feel that you are not being treated well and cared for in return.

Only you can tell if you feel that this isnt what you wanted or how it was meant to be for you. And you have a right to want things to be mutually satisfying - dont feel bad for wanting to be happy. Meaningless sex can be the most empty heartbreaking thing if you want more from your partner than just physical contact...and again mate - its your right to want more.

How you deal with this will depend on lot on your values and morales, which from your post seem good and strong. You have stuck by this guy and tried to do the right thing. You've trusted and respected him...and now its time to do it for yourself.

For your own peace of mind, your own sense of doing the right thing, be open and honest - but be strong. Talk to him openly and candidly. Tell him how you genuinely feel - dont sugar coat it - and that you dont believe that he is respecting you. It gives you a chance to gauge his reaction - but if you have decided to break up with him make sure you follow through. Pity is not a reason to suffer yourself.

Breaking up can be a hard thing to do chrisied...it wont be easy. But a little short term pain to allow yourself to find someone who can make you fully happy and loved is well worth the effort.

Good luck mate.

 

[Jeimuzu]

Just phone him and tell him you're through.

I don't think he's covering his side of the relationship, so you just have to be ruthless and refuse to put up with it anymore.

It will be hard, but you'll find someone else soon. You seem like such a nice guy, and from your profile photo you're a hot guy as well You won't have any trouble.

 

[sixthson]

Good advice here. At the very least he is taking you for granted. In reality he is pushing you away, whether knowingly or not.

From what you say, it sounds like you know it is most likely over.
How should you handle it or break up with him? I think you should make an effort to explain how you feel and tell him you think it is over, but don't let him make promises you know he has no plans of keeping. Don't buy into sweet talk. It has to be honest communication or nothing.

You are too young to be in a one sided romance. It may hurt now to do what you know is best for you, but in the long run you will be glad you did the right thing.

You've probably heard that a relationship is a 50/50 deal. This is not true. Each must give 100%. Anything less is unacceptable.

Good luck and let us know what you do.

 

[WYSIWYG]

I agree with others on this. A relationship is built on respect and mutual understanding. Anyone can find a sackmate! Does not sound as if he is keeping up with you and your feelings or what you want.

Is he aware that your interested in more than sex and that your interested in a relationship?

Mate, your 19, you have your entire life ahead of you. Your young and good looking. If you tell your bf that this "relatioship" is over, you have lots of time to find someone much better suited to what you want and what your needs are!

Let us know what happens mate and good luck!

 

[gaddou]

I would say follow your inner voice. i had a b/f like this nd it was my first. i could not see clear. i would say drop him before he does. At least you can see it comming.

 

[colemanshs]

I think you two should sit down and talk about what you want out of the relationship. If you two can't come to an agreement then maybe it is time to go your seperate ways.

 

[Danugh]

He is dead weight you need to kick him to the curb.

He doesnt love or care about YOU. You cannot love for the both of you.

I think you are friends that have sex and you read too much into nothing.

 

[RicanDAB]

Based on what you have described, if you just disappeared away from him I am sure he would not even notice. This is clearly no relationship, as much as you want to believe it is. It's just sex and you are just a hookup to him because he's not interested in getting to know you outside the bed. It is a shame that you're so into him, because leaving him behind will surely hurt on your part. His loss, man! There are plenty of guys out there with whom you could be happier with. And remember that TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS ... you will get over this as we all have been there at some time and we're still here alive and well.

 

[Michael Luc]

I think you should have a heart-to-heart talk with him. Be clear. Tell him how you feel.

 

[Brijan]

As stated before, you have some good thoughts before you.

All I would add is that while in a relationship you should be happy AT LEAST 51% of the time, other wise it isn't worth your time.

 

[chrisied]

thanx guys, u have given me alot to think about. this weekend i think i am going to have a meaningful conversation with him. and if he does not feel the way that i feel. i am going to have to dump with. we got together really quickly and i think that was a big mistake now. i will tell u how it goes

 

[xyzguy]

Yes, you should.

 

[chrisied]

i talked to my bf on the weekend and we covered a few things. i dont him what i wanted from him and he wants me to do stuff for him. he wants me to be more spontaneous as i am VERY VERY organised person, always make plans with him during the week, and he would prefer me to just come over one day and he would drop everything to be with me.
so hopefully now that we have talked, it should be ok. i really like him and the last thing i want to do is to break up with him. so hopefully now everything will be alrite.

 

[Brijan]

i talked to my bf on the weekend and we covered a few things. i dont him what i wanted from him and he wants me to do stuff for him. he wants me to be more spontaneous as i am VERY VERY organised person, always make plans with him during the week, and he would prefer me to just come over one day and he would drop everything to be with me.
so hopefully now that we have talked, it should be ok. i really like him and the last thing i want to do is to break up with him. so hopefully now everything will be alrite.

You are aware that despite what your wrote, this is what I read:

"My boyfriend and I talked.
We "discovered" I'm organized and he likes spontaneity.
So things are going to be fine."

So either he is asking you to change/not be you, or you are going to have to plan to be spontaneous.

Chrisied, I'm sorry to say, but you are both going to have to do more than talk to fix this one.

Just because he was your first love, doesn't mean he is your current love; or even your best fit.