naughtypiscesboi84
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Coming out would make an interesting Christmas gift for the whole family. But this would seem more a New Year's kind of thing to me.
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should i come out on xmas?
- Thread starter naughtypiscesboi84
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theFallenGod
P-Chan love
Now that you have opened all your presents I want to let you all know what you won't be getting.... Grandchildren....
Christmas is an extremely stressful time of year for everyone... Do no0t add to the stress... wait until after the holidays...
Christmas is an extremely stressful time of year for everyone... Do no0t add to the stress... wait until after the holidays...
Ramindra
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^ I agree. Christmas is supposed to be a relaxing holiday. In reality, it is anything but. Adding to the all ready existing stresses would not be a good idea. Also, when unusual or bad things happen at Christmas (and I am NOT saying that your coming out is bad) they tend to be painfully remembered.
For example, a death in the family at any time is bad enough but it is doubly worse when it happens at Christmas, and usually manages to wreck every Christmas for years. (This example may be a bit extreme but I hope you get what I mean.)
You do not indicate how you think your parents and family will react to your ptoposed announcement but if you get a negative reaction, it will be thrown back at you every Christmas for the next 5 decades or so. 2007 may be remembered as the year you caused Christmas to be a train wreck.
A few weeks is neither here nor there. Wait until the New Year has well and truly passed. Wait until life has returned to normal at home, work and school (if the latter is a factor).
Whatever you decide, I wish you good fortune and the love of your family.
For example, a death in the family at any time is bad enough but it is doubly worse when it happens at Christmas, and usually manages to wreck every Christmas for years. (This example may be a bit extreme but I hope you get what I mean.)
You do not indicate how you think your parents and family will react to your ptoposed announcement but if you get a negative reaction, it will be thrown back at you every Christmas for the next 5 decades or so. 2007 may be remembered as the year you caused Christmas to be a train wreck.
A few weeks is neither here nor there. Wait until the New Year has well and truly passed. Wait until life has returned to normal at home, work and school (if the latter is a factor).
Whatever you decide, I wish you good fortune and the love of your family.
trawler69
Extreme Muppet
I would normally say "Go for it." However as the others have said Christmas would not be the best time in fact I would avoid any time that might be stressful in itself, choose a quiet relaxed time when you can talk properly and without fear of interruption, when you have undivided attention.
I wish you well for when you do decide to do it
Oh and Happy Xmas BTW.
I wish you well for when you do decide to do it
Oh and Happy Xmas BTW.Nagash
Slut
Yeah everywhere I looked when I was researching how to come out, I found that holidays are NOT the time. My mom took my coming out well, but she regards the day I did as one of the worst days of her life. To me it's become a holiday that I celebrate every year to some extent. But anyway, you don't want X-mas being synonymous with coming out. It could ruin not only this X-mas, but those in the future as well because it would be the anniversary of the big speech. I have to give a resounding NO to coming out on any big holiday, particularly X-mas, and Easter.
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what they all said.
texan_slant
Sex God
NO - not on Xmas.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Ditto everybody else.
Christmas is generally time for others. Coming out is a very personal thing, and while it may be the best gift you ever gave yourself, it IS still something just for you. Instead, take a week or two to decide how best to go about it.
Lex
Christmas is generally time for others. Coming out is a very personal thing, and while it may be the best gift you ever gave yourself, it IS still something just for you. Instead, take a week or two to decide how best to go about it.
Lex
JackFTwist
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I disagree with everyone
I don't that this is a "new year's day" kind of thing - what, when everyone is drunk or hung over?
Christmas is a day of love, a day of caring. A perfect day to share one's self with the family.
But I don't get this picking a day thing. The right day and time has nothing to do with picking as preselected holiday on the calendar. Do what feels right when it feels right, when the time is right, if today, go for it, if tomorrow, go for it.
99% of the time I agree with the advice that others give. Here I certainly do not. The stage managing of this is something you don't need. If you need an event to anchor on, then do it today and get this behind you rather than stress yourself worrying about it for another week.
But more importantly go with it when it feels right. Which may not a holiday at all. Or it may be. When the moment is right, go for it.
I don't that this is a "new year's day" kind of thing - what, when everyone is drunk or hung over?
Christmas is a day of love, a day of caring. A perfect day to share one's self with the family.
But I don't get this picking a day thing. The right day and time has nothing to do with picking as preselected holiday on the calendar. Do what feels right when it feels right, when the time is right, if today, go for it, if tomorrow, go for it.
99% of the time I agree with the advice that others give. Here I certainly do not. The stage managing of this is something you don't need. If you need an event to anchor on, then do it today and get this behind you rather than stress yourself worrying about it for another week.
But more importantly go with it when it feels right. Which may not a holiday at all. Or it may be. When the moment is right, go for it.
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
>>>The stage managing of this is something you don't need.
Yes, Jack, that's precisely why I don't think it's the right time.
There are a very select few times that are specifically for other people. And these are the times I don't feel it's right to come out. I would argue against coming out during Mary's birthday party, or Uncle Jack's funeral, because those events are for THEM. To come out during those times is to appear to say (if not ACTUALLY say), "Oh, fuck them - what about ME?!"
I personally don't know Patrick or his family. If he's got a good family, one where he generally feels welcome, then it'd be rather selfish to turn a holiday get-together into a coming-out party. If he doesn't have a good family, then he shouldn't bother being there on the holidays anyway.
Lex
Yes, Jack, that's precisely why I don't think it's the right time.
There are a very select few times that are specifically for other people. And these are the times I don't feel it's right to come out. I would argue against coming out during Mary's birthday party, or Uncle Jack's funeral, because those events are for THEM. To come out during those times is to appear to say (if not ACTUALLY say), "Oh, fuck them - what about ME?!"
I personally don't know Patrick or his family. If he's got a good family, one where he generally feels welcome, then it'd be rather selfish to turn a holiday get-together into a coming-out party. If he doesn't have a good family, then he shouldn't bother being there on the holidays anyway.
Lex
JackFTwist
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During the middle of Uncle Jack's funeral, agreed, not the place.
But maybe later that day.
Everyone is overloading the significance and weight of this. It has been compared wrecks and denials of future generations and all other kinds of shit in this thread. Let's make it worse. Let's make it so fucking heavy that the poor kid feels he will destroy everyone's Christmas now and forever after if the moment is right today to talk with his family. And that is bullshit. He's only fucking coming out. This is not The Event that Will Wreck Christmas Forever. It may well be a time that everyone remembers with love ... or no one remembers at all because it is the equivilant of sharing that cousin Billy is really a michigan state fan, not a Michigan fan. (And that would actually wreck my holiday...)
This is not some huge train wreck waiting to happen. This is not the central event of the universe. It does not need to be stage managed and choreographed as if this is the premier of Raiders of the Lost Ark 4.
The kid asked a simple question. Is today a good day? The proper answer is: depends, might be, if so, go for it. T
he proper answer is NOT: oh my God, you'll ruin everyone's day, this will be the train wreck remembered forever, do it New Years day when everyone is drunk or hungover, pick the 3rd Tuesday in February because the event that will shake the universe needs a day all to its own but hell that is Aunt Myrtle's birthday so better make it the second Thursday in March.
It is a simple thing asked. It is a simple thing we need to answer. Our job is to make the kid feel good with love and support, not freak out and tell him that he will be the grinch that stole Christmas.
Patrick - go for it. Do it at the dinner table. I have a gut feeling that the response you'll get is, "yes we know dear, and we love you; pass the mashed potatoes please and thanks for trusting us on this day of love! Oh, and pass the squash too."
But maybe later that day.
Everyone is overloading the significance and weight of this. It has been compared wrecks and denials of future generations and all other kinds of shit in this thread. Let's make it worse. Let's make it so fucking heavy that the poor kid feels he will destroy everyone's Christmas now and forever after if the moment is right today to talk with his family. And that is bullshit. He's only fucking coming out. This is not The Event that Will Wreck Christmas Forever. It may well be a time that everyone remembers with love ... or no one remembers at all because it is the equivilant of sharing that cousin Billy is really a michigan state fan, not a Michigan fan. (And that would actually wreck my holiday...)
This is not some huge train wreck waiting to happen. This is not the central event of the universe. It does not need to be stage managed and choreographed as if this is the premier of Raiders of the Lost Ark 4.
The kid asked a simple question. Is today a good day? The proper answer is: depends, might be, if so, go for it. T
he proper answer is NOT: oh my God, you'll ruin everyone's day, this will be the train wreck remembered forever, do it New Years day when everyone is drunk or hungover, pick the 3rd Tuesday in February because the event that will shake the universe needs a day all to its own but hell that is Aunt Myrtle's birthday so better make it the second Thursday in March.
It is a simple thing asked. It is a simple thing we need to answer. Our job is to make the kid feel good with love and support, not freak out and tell him that he will be the grinch that stole Christmas.
Patrick - go for it. Do it at the dinner table. I have a gut feeling that the response you'll get is, "yes we know dear, and we love you; pass the mashed potatoes please and thanks for trusting us on this day of love! Oh, and pass the squash too."
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
Awww, whazzamatter, Jack? Your boys letting your down this year?
If Patrick can come out in a nonchalant way, and he's fairly certain that his family will be supportive, then yes - no problem with doing so today. If he can treat his homosexuality and coming out as a fait accompli, then there's no reason to not start immediately.
The fact that he even asked makes me think that's not the case.
No, I don't think his coming out will "ruin Christmas".
No, I don't think it's some heavy-duty bombshell that he has to agonize over.
No, I don't think he has to plan his coming out to not conflict with Aunt Myrtle's birthday. Although I'd continue to argue that you don't do it during the birthday party.
Patrick asked if he should "come out on Christmas". To me, that doesn't mean "start living as a gay man", but "make a public announcement about my homosexuality". By doing so at a family gathering is to co-opt it. It's to make the gathering a public coming- out party. It specifically accomplishes what you state it isn't - it makes the coming-out a big deal.
I do think someone needs to lighten up here, but I don't think it's me.
Lex
If Patrick can come out in a nonchalant way, and he's fairly certain that his family will be supportive, then yes - no problem with doing so today. If he can treat his homosexuality and coming out as a fait accompli, then there's no reason to not start immediately.
The fact that he even asked makes me think that's not the case.
No, I don't think his coming out will "ruin Christmas".
No, I don't think it's some heavy-duty bombshell that he has to agonize over.
No, I don't think he has to plan his coming out to not conflict with Aunt Myrtle's birthday. Although I'd continue to argue that you don't do it during the birthday party.
Patrick asked if he should "come out on Christmas". To me, that doesn't mean "start living as a gay man", but "make a public announcement about my homosexuality". By doing so at a family gathering is to co-opt it. It's to make the gathering a public coming- out party. It specifically accomplishes what you state it isn't - it makes the coming-out a big deal.
I do think someone needs to lighten up here, but I don't think it's me.
Lex
G-Lexington
Lex. Icon. Devil.
And shouldn't you be watching TV?
Lex
Lex
Agreed, not x-mas. Why do you bring it up? Is it because you are home for the holidays and then gone shortly thereafter?
Honestly, my parents are great, and they still had a hard time coming to terms with not getting grandchildren. People need time to think. They'll come back at you with questions the day you tell them, but also a few days later, and a week later, and maybe even a month later. And sometimes they'll be the craziest things, that you can just explain to them without problem.
In short, take whatever moment you want, but make sure there's going to be quite a few days afterwards when you're still around and available for whatever troubles them. X-mas time, not a good time, since you'll still be there but they'll HAVE to be taking care of a million other things, and won't have the time to really think things through.
X-mas day is now all but gone anyway
Good luck! I doubt you'll regret it whenever you do tell them!
Honestly, my parents are great, and they still had a hard time coming to terms with not getting grandchildren. People need time to think. They'll come back at you with questions the day you tell them, but also a few days later, and a week later, and maybe even a month later. And sometimes they'll be the craziest things, that you can just explain to them without problem.
In short, take whatever moment you want, but make sure there's going to be quite a few days afterwards when you're still around and available for whatever troubles them. X-mas time, not a good time, since you'll still be there but they'll HAVE to be taking care of a million other things, and won't have the time to really think things through.
X-mas day is now all but gone anyway
Good luck! I doubt you'll regret it whenever you do tell them!
my 2 cents is i would not pick a holiday to spring the news
not that it's bad news
just that it is a big thing
and i wouldn't want to change the tone of the big day
that day (ur coming out) should stand on its own, not cloud a holiday
just my opinion
not that it's bad news
just that it is a big thing
and i wouldn't want to change the tone of the big day
that day (ur coming out) should stand on its own, not cloud a holiday
just my opinion
agentblack06
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Picking a holiday seems like added torment for the person coming out.
I thought about it, and am dismissing the idea entirely.
I thought about it, and am dismissing the idea entirely.
JackFTwist
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If you think coming out is torment than your thoughts make sense.
I don't see coming out as torment.