should i end it?

[PopItLikeAHood]

Hi everyone

I have been seeing this guy for over a month now we have seen each other every week since near enough, we constantly talked to each other over text and the phone.

I thought everything was going great, we met up on saturday cause we havent seen each other for a week as he went away on holiday. But ever since Sunday he has been very quiet, hardly texts me, when he does text its something very short, i mean now he is not even replying to me.

I feel like im being taken for a ride, maybe he has had his fun and he of finding another guy, i know im properly just paranoid but this is the 1st guy i have had feelings for properly before everyone else was just fun, with this one it was so different i felt something with him, he said he did too. We dont get to see each other often as im at uni and he is busy with work so when we do meet over the weekends its always a special thing.

Maybe he is blowing me out, i did ask him today if everything was ok between us and he said of course it is etc, but then those are just words over text.

I cant talk to know one i know cause i havent come out yet, and i was planning on doing it slowly if we were still going strong after xmas/new year. Now i just fee like whats the point in coming out now? when i wont have no one there to support me if it all goes horribly wrong. He is out himself and proud about so i dont know if maybe he has got fed up with being with someone who hasnt come out.

I do have genuine feelings for this guy and would hate for it to just be over, it so so hard to find a genuine nice guy like him and so rare.

 

[KaraBulut]

^^^ have you told him any of the above?

 

[PopItLikeAHood]

^^^ have you told him any of the above?

Not really, i mean i did ask him is everything ok etc he said it is.

He said he has been busy this week though, he has a really busy job so maybe its just that. I just hate how my mind is so paranoid in my gut feeling i think everything is fine.

 

[Seasoned]

The thing that we all have to learn is that if we can have sex with someone we can also talk to them. Get into a habit of that unless it's just a blow and go. The other thing I would advise is to not make coming out contingent upon whether or not you're in a relationship, but, rather, whether or not you'd like gay friends in your corner at times like these. The problem is that is is your only outlet for your gay identity and already you've become overly dependent upon him. Healthy relationships ought to be based upon want, not need and they ought to be close to 50-50 as possible, given that in times of need that balance won't always be possible.

Just keep breathing and see what happens. Meanwhile consider making some gay friends.

 

[KaraBulut]

With guys, they generally talk when they're ready to talk. What you can do is say, "You've been kinda quiet lately. If there's something you want to talk about, you know I'm always glad to listen".

And just leave it be until he's ready.

 

[Incognito]

Because you're not out you are probably attaching a lot to this one month relationship. Ha you can fall hard for guys really hard in less than a month, but when he is the only person in the world you can be yourself around- then you are going to be fairly dependant and easily infatuated.

There is a 50-50 chance and it's hard to discern from the information you've provided that he is blowing you off. People really are busy and you shouldn't place too much emphasis on the time it takes to reply to a text (even though I have been recently about a boy I was seeing). However classic signs of losing interest is a change in behaviour towards actions that are more distant and your description matches that.

Try arranging to see him in person again. If he doesn't seem willing then he is possibly losing interest. If he has lost interest in you, it's going to hurt, more so because you won't have anyone to talk about it with. good luck man

 

[baroner32]

Sorry to say it but it's likely he's lost interest. It happened to me recently and it's definitely not nice but you'll get over it.

However, it could just be that he's busy (we all go through those crunch periods!) so I'd talk to him and find out. Don't beat around the bush (it's tempting when you're afraid of what the answer might be!) because that'll just make it harder for you in the long run.

 

[PopItLikeAHood]

Just thought i'll update whats happened.

I have decided to just stop talking to him and texting him.

He has been really off these past 4/5 weeks. Haven't met whatsoever he always said he was busy which i know he is cause of his job etc. but it was like Everytime i asked did he want to meet and chat it was always 'Im really tiered from work, I have meeting in the evening...' it was kind of the same excuses every week.

But then whenever i text him he wouldn't reply till the next day and it would always be a text like something you cant reply to as theres nothing to say.

I personally fell for the guy i was stupid to, but i have dated girls before and same things happened so i know where i stand with him.

But what annoys me is the fact he wont tell me what the problem is, I don't know if it was me or he just wants to have fun with other guys. So i sent him a message last night basically saying 'whatever happened hope everything is ok.. think i get the message and i said the balls in your court now. and that was it.

Im really gutted deep down cause he was..well seemed like a great guy.

So im just going to move on now and just take everything step by step and move on.

 

[DeadRussianSpaceMonkey]

"i said the balls in your court now"- Do you know he's only going to keep playing with you again when he gets bord, or whatever he has going on in his life changes. If he treated you like a toy the first time around, things aren't going to change. Move on. I know it's rough, but you got to stay strong man. If he knew that you were worried about things, he would have went out of his way to disprove them, and show you that he cares.

Walk away, delete his number (Don't answer it if, you think he's calling), facebook, twitter. Move forward with your life. Get back on your own too feet. Find someone that values you.

"People really are busy and you shouldn't place too much emphasis on the time it takes to reply to a text (even though I have been recently about a boy I was seeing). " << If you can read it, you can right a quick response back to continue things later. It's a matter of how you value the other person.

&& Don't go back man- I kept going back in my relationship thinking it would get better, but it never did. If someone values you, they will go out of their way to try to show you. It'll get easier each day. Go out, and enjoy yourself. Workout. Do things.

 

[PopItLikeAHood]

I have deleted his number everything on my phone to do with him.

 

[Rolyo85]

You should just come out - you will be much more confident in your interaction with guys then, and you won't have to attach yourself to one. Because let's face it - as sucky as his response was, you WERE probably too needy and clingy.

 

[bw92116]

He's not a great guy and not a genuinely nice guy. He was nice to you when it served his purpose, but how nice is he to you if he only gives curt responses or no reply at all. I don't like him for you. I bet that a year from now, you will look back at this and think, "Egad, what was I ever thinking." Make that day now instead of 1 year from now. I would just file him away under "temporary flings" and refocus on yourself and do what makes you happy. You don't need him to make you happy, you can make yourself happy. Seriously... leave him in the dust and go on with your life. Fill any void you feel with new things in your life or things you want to do with your life, not necessarily a new relationship now, but something that will fulfill you now. There is a "genuinely nice guy" and a great guy in your future, but it's not that guy, and if you keep looking back at him, you'll miss the real one that may come along any day now. But don't just sit around waiting or looking for that new guy. Make your life what you want it to be on your own, starting now.

 

[Rolyo85]

In short--yes, you should end it. I think you have done the right thing in this situation.

Also, guys--can we please stop calling everyone clingy just because they WANT the other person to actually act in a way that resembles interest? geez

This is one of the very few times I've personally said that. Thing is, there are patterns, and they are very easy to spot. I've been that guy, so I know how it feels, and unfortunately I also know the response it brings in otherwise decent people. Nobody likes being someone else's fixation.

 

[subsonic]

Wow, I really feel bad for you but I hope you are doing better now.
This reminds me of my previous relationship. I loved him in a very strong, unhealthy way and it showed. In the end, he rarely wrote to me, we almost never saw each other and the day we finally had a date again he broke up with me.
With that said, I now know the red flags and the things you mentioned above are definitely red flags.
If there's one valuable thing I have learned from the movie He Just Not That Into You it's that if a guy is genuinely interested in you, he will show it! Don't forget that..

Best of luck to you and kudos to you for being strong and cutting him of. You'll get over him and new guys will come.