Should I feel guilty?

[confusedboy23]

First of all, I want to THANK YOU all you great JUBbers out there who have stuck by me, supporting and encouraging me for the past month that I have been so depressed and confused!!!

Here are some more hugs and kisses for you guys


I have decided today, that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! I have had enough of this emotional rollercoaster and I want to move on. I don't why I feel so confident but I have gradually started gain 'myself' back especially over the past couple of days. Since I am feeling so good, I thought I might as well get everything out in the air.

I have decided to reply him. I don't know if my email was actually friendly or more like a "I want you to know all this" kinda email. I told him how hurt I was, I told him I am moving on BUT I told him also that I am happy for him and I want to be his friend. I don't know how he will take it, but I will leave it in his hands.

I did this for a few reasons. One, he would know that I was really in love with and I have been hurt so IF he was really playing games with me, he would feel the guilt. Two, I wanted him to know that I am happy for him and I don't want him to think that I am hanging around trying to break them apart. I am just not that type of person and I have also now learnt to love is also to let go so that your loved one can be truly happy! Three, by telling him I will have less tendency to go back and dwell on getting him back for myself. I just like being honest, I guess.

I am putting relationships aside, for the moment, as I am staying focussed on building my career. I feel great today but I am counting on you guys for more support if I do fall! But, I hope I will make it through this time around!

 

[Riverrick]

Wow, what a mature way to handle that Email. You seem to be doing really well with this, Confusedboy.

Yes, you were hurt and I agree with not hiding that. Its your reality and it only makes us crazy to hide that sort of thing. I like that you're being honest but not asking for pity from him, nor for him to change his life. In fact, you are the one making the moves now.

And so your life lies ahead of you. Keep your eye on the prize. I do expect him to write back and you will have feelings, which is normal. But if they get overwhelming, be sure to come back here and we will watch over you for the next four weeks. We can have more parties!!!

Right back at you buddy!

 

[confusedboy23]

Thanks Riverrick, I don't know if I was really that mature or if I acted more like a jerk for the past 2 months or so. Argghh!!!

Anyway, it just felt really good being honest and letting out all that is bothering me.

Today was a very interesting day for me. I no longer wake up thinking "will he come back to me one day?" but I just felt different. I don't know how to describe it but it was just weird in some ways. I went to uni but my mind was absent, let's put it that way. I might have been thinking about his response but I didn't feel down or anything.

I rushed home and checked my email and guess what, Riverrick, you are right - he did write and according to the time of the email, it must have been the first thing he did this morning! You were dead right about the 'feelings' bit too. Yes, it all came back to me and I was overcome by it so I did shed a few tears. But I think as I read his email for the third or fourth time, I have started to smile again. And yes, I read that email and what I have written to him quite a few times, I lost count actually.

It was a very long email from him and I just hope he meant every word he said especially this little sentence;

"my relationship would not be where it is today with XXX if it wasn't for you, dont get me wrong it's not perfect but from you I have learnt that there is more to life let alone relationships"

I wish him well but now, I have to take each day as it comes with a new perspective in my mind. Wish me luck!

Thanks for reading again

 

[slobone]

Maybe if you just sent a short message like, "Thank you for your email. I wish you well, but I think it's better for me not to stay in touch with you right now. I hope you'll understand."

That might be the easiest way to prevent him from sending you any more emails.

I still think he's kind of -- obtuse, or something, if he hasn't figured out what's going on with you. But he's been polite and friendly, so I guess you should respond in the same way.

 

[Riverrick]

Thanks Riverrick, I don't know if I was really that mature or if I acted more like a jerk for the past 2 months or so. Argghh!!!

You were mature. Trust me. Or better yet, read your posts.

I like how you let your emotions flow so freely when you got his email and then how the flood passed and the sun came out again. And you had a smile on your face at the end. Pretty cool!

So congratulations. You're doing fine. And thanks for passing it on to the other guys with your wonderful posts around here.

 

[CoolBlue71]

I have a former co-worker who I considered to be a friend and nothing more. He would IM me a couple times. And I'd respond. But he'd be kicked off or something.

So I would email him and say something to the effect "good luck" with whatever it is/was. He would not respond (apparently because, as he'd admitted some time ago, he's not too much for email correspondence). But emailing him was my option.

Recently he got a new and different job and sent me another IM. Again it happened that he appeared to be offline -- maybe kicked off -- so I sent the email to him stating the same best wishes. But I also knew he wouldn't respond.

A day or so later, I went into my IM and blocked him from being able to send me any correspondence in that form. If he wants to alert me of anything, he can use email. But to tell the truth, that last IM was more an advertising and chain letter thing having to do with the company he works for getting some air time on local news (telling me to go ahead -- and tune in).

I made the right choice.