Should I forget his past?

[starlight101]

Hey Guys, Im a 24yo guy whos into older guys. Im currently dating a 49yo guy and he is my first bf and we are madly in love. We have been dating for almost 6months now and I really wish I could go longer with him. The problem I have with this is that hes into young and slim twinks.
I myself is a young and slim twinkish guy, but I know he likes even younger than me.

Before anyone rants that he is a childabuser and a Pedo, where we live the AoC is 15.

He told me that hes into guys in there teens and up to around 35, that age really isnt the thing but its the slim bodytype. I have seen that hes been surfing pages (among others) like milkboys(under1. Im kind of fine with that, because I know its just fantasy and I truely believe that he always will be faithfull to me.

He then told me he once slept with a guy whos 14yo. (this was over 10 years ago) They met at a gym and that the young guy was the one puching to do it (also a "daddychaser"). I know the young guy, hes my age now, and I actually had sex with his (now 58yo) bf around the same time. My bf told me he actually looked a lot older and that he still has contact with the guy and found out years later that he actually was only 14yo when they first met. He has had realtionships and sex with others all up to age of 35-40.

I do trust my bf, but I dont know if I can cope with the fact that he did sleep with such a young guy. I know hes not a monster or a molester and I have spoken to my bf about this a lot of times.

All I really want to do is to be with this guy and move in with him and live a happy life with him. But I have been trying to get this stuff out of my head, and sometimes im completelly fine with it, and sometimes I cant sleep all night from thinking about this. I came out not long ago and im not used to the whole gayscene thing. Am I overreacting? Most the guys (that i like over 50) seem to like young twinks.

Should I not care about his past and forget about it?

And please, dont call him stuff hes not! He is a lovely guy and wouldnt harm a fly, and I doubt that I will ever find a guy like him , love of my life.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

And please, dont call him stuff hes not! He is a lovely guy and wouldnt harm a fly, and I doubt that I will ever find a guy like him , love of my life.

Love is blind.

 

[Seasoned]

Only you and he are able to tell if this relationship is "the real thing." Only he knows if he is capable of monogamy. Maybe you should just enjoy what you have and not worry about the future or the past. You might want to tell him what your thoughts are. How he reassures you with words and action will give you insight as to his ability to give you what you need and want. Good luck to you.

 

[starlight101]

Thanks guys. This has been such a mindfuck for me and I havent been able to get out of it. Its not really something you can talk to your mom about in detail.
These where really the answers I was looking for. =)

Im gonna try my hardest to make this work, because he really is worth the effort.
I have been talking to him and we communicate really well.
I to have had runnings with drugs and such, but today i wouldnt even consider doing them. So I guess people can change.

Thanks again guys!

 

[xtinadiscoshxc]

Its similar with me, im 18 and my boyfriend is 44, and he used to be VERY promiscuous up until he met me half a year ago. He used to work at a gay club and has had over 500 partners, easily. It kills me, but he says he has no interest in doing that anymore since he's met me.

It's a scary thing to think about, and I have the exact same fears as you.

 

[racer2438]

you cant change it, so why dwell on it. It's going to be the tinder to spark a fire that you may not be able to put.

It he loves you then there should be some respect, and no dishonesty.

Unless he has been, or could of cheated on you . Thats a different story. It does not hurt to look but dont touch.

 

[youngnihilist]

The problem with those guys is they're stuck on twinks forever. So if they have a twink bf, what happens when he (the twink) gets older?

 

[CTorontoC]

My bf dated someone like that before me and unfortunately if your interest in men doesn't mature with you it's unlikely to ever catch up. These types don't see much in anyone who doesn't look like a little boy. I wouldn't worry about his past but rather your future with him.

 

[StlKj]

You're not just concerned about his past. You're also concerned that he continues to be attracted to that "type." You seem to equate "molester" with "monster" in a way that is rather naive. What do you think a molester is like? All lecherous and drooling, with a hump on his back and a big bag of candy with which to tempt kids? Most "molesters" are seemingly regular, everyday guys. I'm not saying he's a molester, but just because he's sweet doesn't mean a thing.

The 14 year old--he seemed older. He was the one pushing it. Oh, it was really just his body type that was the attraction. And besides, it wasn't known that he was 14 until years later. Oh, and the legal age in your state is 15 anyway. I'm sorry, but that sounds to me like one too many justifications and excuses for a grown man who apparently had sex with a Freshmen in high school, possibly even an eighth grader. And if you later found out you screwed a 14 year old by mistake, wouldn't that be enough to make you swear off kids who look like they might fall anywhere close to the line?

It sounds like you've come here for some assurance that the past is the past, and everything will be okay. I'm not buying into that. You haven't said that he was aghast at his behavior, highly repentant and careful to avoid such situations again. No, instead we have only excuses that conveniently absolve him of any responsibility. I would say you need to seriously remember his past behavior. Actually, I would say you need to seriously consider getting a new boyfriend, but you have to decide for yourself just how much you're willing to believe someone who continues to have nearly forbidden fruit on his menu.

And as CTorontoC pointed out, whatever you do, don't lose your figure.

 

[Muscles4daze]

Its similar with me, im 18 and my boyfriend is 44, and he used to be VERY promiscuous up until he met me half a year ago. He used to work at a gay club and has had over 500 partners, easily. It kills me, but he says he has no interest in doing that anymore since he's met me.

It's a scary thing to think about, and I have the exact same fears as you.

I hope you made him get tested before having sex, 500 is a lot of partners.

 

[Twistedup]

um...i know this is a no flame zone...but this seems really sick to me. i mean...even with an AoC at 15...that does not make it right imo.

a 14 or 15 year old KID does not know how to deny an adult and is generally not informed about safety. they are also heavily affected by regrets and uncertainties, and often not even sure what they want themselves. willing or not, legal or not, THEY ARE KIDS.

in my opinion anyone willing to overlook these things for their own gratification is, in fact, a monster.

 

[starlight101]

I know that a "molester" can be anyone and can be a nice guy. But from what he has told me, what he has done and my gut feeling I dont believe he is.

About the 14yo guy. It has been taken a bit out of context here. When he told me about him he did say that it wasent ok. He didnt say all those things in one just to justify his actions. He sayd it in a way which sounded regretfull and he did say he was to young. Sure, he did it still, but I believe him when saying that. And I do trust him. Its hard to explain HOW he said things, but things have come out over time, and he does say he is regretfull.


And as far as I know, when it comes to the younger guys, I know hes attracted to twinks, sure, and when speaking to him about it he does say that today he wouldnt try to have a relationship or sex with someone thats "too" young (meening im still kind of young). Because his not intressted in them in real life. For him its still just fantasy. Thats also why i know his last boyfriends have all been over 20yo. When he has been over 20yo that is.
I just dont want to get stuck on something that souldnt have to matter. He has told me that he has had sex with partners all up to 35. And that this incident just was a mistake.

I do agree with you at some level, and thats why i have a problem with it. But I do get the feeling he is sincere and tells the truth, which is hard to explain this way. And I trust him to be faithfull to me, and I dont see the problem with him fantasising about twinks while where having a good relationship.

 

[starlight101]

I forgot to say that he didnt say all the stuff that i wrote, many of the things I wrote was just stuff I have been thinking of. And a big reason why he has talked about it is because I have confronted him and asked him.

I know a lot of straight guys here who jerk of to girls who may or may not be of ok age. While being in a great relationship. And that is not looked down upon. Feels like its kind of the same thing.
And I can probably see that our views about sex and stuff might be a bit different. We here in Europe do seem to have another way of seeing it.

And again, thanks. I do appreciate that you guys are looking out for me!

 

[DBSKIsMine]

he is my first bf and we are madly in love. We have been dating for almost 6months now

I stopped reading here. You're 24 years old, he's your first boyfriend, you've only been dating 6 months and you're "madly in love"? Wake up and smell reality sweetheart. You're blindly defending a man who is a self-proclaimed pedophile because you're the same age as me and have never been in a relationship until this point, you're simply looking for justification for it to continue because you don't want to go back to the way things were.

I highly doubt you "love him" in only 6 months, but rather you merely love the idea of him. He's a representation of something you've always wanted but never had and the idea of losing that thing after finally attaining it is terrifying for you, causing you to do or say anything in defense of it, even things that common sense would tell you would be grounds to break it off. There are millions of guys out there. Don't think there is no one else out there for you, because there are. And I can guarantee the next one you find you will be on here saying is a million times better than the one you're with.

The first relationship rarely lasts anyway.

 

[aijalon18]

This whole situation doesnt seem good. Just from what you described your bf seems like he is obsessed with this whole youth thing. I dont think he loves you as a person but loves being with a young guy. The danger with that is, like with pedo's, when the time comes that you are no longer young and skinny he most likely wont be interested in you.

 

[blahman16]

I recently came out of a similar situation where the man I was dating was 47 years old. the thing is he pretends to be 37 online to hook up with young guys. when it came to the point where I said if he would be willing to stop hooking up with other guys, he said no, and blocked my email address, and stopped picking up my phone calls. the story has way more to it than that, though.

it's true--when some guy over 40 years old hasn't settled down yet, from my own experience and what i have learned, in some cases that is an active decision that the person makes, not because he hasn't "found" the "perfect" person yet.

this was a terrible mess I got into, and I wish I wasn't so blinded because a whole LOT of my feelings was involved in it.

truth be told, he was honest about the hook ups too. and the honesty part really made the situation confusing, because he'd tell me he cares very much for me, yet it's ok for him to go hook up on the side and expect me to email him every night before i go to sleep. the relationship was a very interesting position because i felt I was being so pushed into the submissive position in a relationship, and it made me seem like the needy one for the first time.

 

[Lube]

To recap what some others have said:

The main problem is that he probably will get less interested sexually in you as you grow older. The second problem is that the first 6 months of the relationship are best, and it's after this point that you usually start seeing the reality of the situation.

 

[TX-Beau]

To recap what some others have said:

The main problem is that he probably will get less interested sexually in you as you grow older. The second problem is that the first 6 months of the relationship are best, and it's after this point that you usually start seeing the reality of the situation.

Add to the main problem that a guy in his late 40's is attracted to 14 year old boys. I'm sorry but there's no way I'm going to be convinced that the old guy "didn't know." That's a kid any way you look at it. No matter how old (and like I said, you're not going to convince me that this old guy wasn't aware, or didn't have suspicions) the kid looks, that's a kid, not a consenting adult.

Plus add this to the main problem, that if the old guy has no qualms about having sex with children, he's likely to put himself in that situation again, and sooner or later he's going to prison.