Should I Fulfil My Fantasy?

[ukdave1962]

I describe myself as bi-curious. I have been married and have two children, but ever since I was a teenager I have had gay fantasies and enjoy watching gay porn. I have never had sex with another man but my fantasy is to fulfil that desire. I have contacted someone on another site and we have agreed to meet. However, whenever I have jerked off to this fantasy, I get a feeling of guilt/reluctance afterwards, wondering whether this is a good thing. Should I go ahead with the meet or just keep it as a fantasy?

 

[MatttheBruinsfan]

If you're currently married, keep it as a fantasy.

If you're divorced and currently single, meeting up with the guy won't be doing anything wrong, and you shouldn't have any reason to feel guilty.

 

[cocksucker4use]

Guess I am the Devil's Advocate. Despite being married and having kids, this is YOUR fantasy. You should act on it, and see where it leads. You should not feel shame or guilt, because this just IS. Your feelings and longing. You found this site and pose the question, so you have given a lot of thought to this. You can probably find a kindred soul on line....another married guy? Good luck.

 

[bma1983]

You've made your bed (taking vows to your wife) now lie in it. Unless you get the ok from your wife (which you should consider), stepping out on her will not make you happy. It will just make you feel guilty. Now, what would you rather have, an unfulfilled fantasy (that may not be all that you've thought it would be), or the guilt of having cheated on not just your wife, but also your children.

 

[leomendez93]

In Disney world, where a Princess finds a frog, kisses and it becomes a hot, HOT, big cocked Prince your answer is so fitting. I would love this to be a reality. Easy said than done. In real world, especially in gay world, you kiss Prince and he becomes a frog and he is almost always a frog and not a Prince.

After my few years in the active clan of the gay world, I have chatted tons of married guys and all with the same predicament. Most got married not clear about their desire, had they just known.... No one is happy cheating but everyone will have to make a choice.

You've made your bed (taking vows to your wife) now lie in it. Unless you get the ok from your wife (which you should consider), stepping out on her will not make you happy. It will just make you feel guilty. Now, what would you rather have, an unfulfilled fantasy (that may not be all that you've thought it would be), or the guilt of having cheated on not just your wife, but also your children.

 

[mbamike]

Dave, I can certainly relate to your situation because I lived a similar life as you. I denied my sexual attraction to men my entire life. I married, had a kid, then went through a hellacious divorce.

Two years ago, I decided I would face my sexuality head on. I hooked up with a guy I found on Adam4Adam to learn if my attraction to guys is just a fad or something that is apart of me. My first gay sex experience was WONDERFUL! It was the best sex of my life at the time.

So, I suggest that you go for it!

 

[EJMichaels]

...However, whenever I have jerked off to this fantasy, I get a feeling of guilt/reluctance afterwards, wondering whether this is a good thing....

Guilt about gay sex or guilt about cheating? There have been some threads about the first option. Seems like a bad idea. As for cheating - an entirely different topic, and also a bad idea. Having to face the fact that you could be in the wrong kind of relationship is another topic. If you have the option to explore your sexuality without hurting anyone, you should probably do it. Just don't place too much meaning on the results of one encounter, or even a few. For example, if you prefer sex in the context of a relationship, a hook-up isn't going to answer all of your questions. Even if you like casual sex, a few meetings may not tell you what you need to know. That doesn't mean you shouldn't try it.

 

[shainski]

I'm sorry, but i disagree. Unless you are willing to give up your wife and children for this, don't do it.

You tell me - because i don't know your wife. If she found out about it, what would happen?

You are already feeling guilt just about the thought of it. There is an interesting thread on menshealth married board right now - "happy ending". And it deals with the man's guilt about his own indiscretion.
http://forums.menshealth.com/eve/forums/a/tpc/f/230100665/m/7131003807

Before you proceed, just read it. It has nothing to do with being gay, it has everything to do with being unfaithful.

 

[leomendez93]

it is so much easier for us to tell others how to live their lives. Yes, everyone should be clear about their relationship. I wish there was never cheating but this is a matter for another topic. Everyone has truth in what they say but only UKDAVE will be able to live his life.

 

[EJMichaels]

Didn't the OP say "have been married"? Sounds like the past.

 

[shainski]

Didn't the OP say "have been married"? Sounds like the past.

I interpret Have Been as currently being married and Had been as a condition of the past.

But if he is no longer married, then my previous post is not relevant. He needs to have the life he wants to have.

 

[paatreides]

Why in the world do you feel guilty about a fantasy??? There is no reason you should feel guilty about jacking off to a fantasy. We all have a variety of fantasies when we kick back for a good wank.

Should you pursue fullfilling it? Only you can answer that question. Many men of all sexual persuasions (meaning str8 guys too) and in various degrees of relationships (married, significant others, just dating) have engaged in mutual masturbation. Lot's of str8 married guys attend group j/o meetings. Perhaps you might consider sticking a toe in the water with that kind of activity.

I know some folks disagree with me, and at the risk of having the spears of flame thrown in my direction, I'll say (again) jacking off - alone or with another guy - is not cheating.

Another avenue you could pursue would be to gingerly broach the subject with the wife (assuming you are still married) and feel her out about your bisexual side. She just might surprise you and think it would be a real turn on to watch you with a guy. (And think of the great sex the two of you might have afterward... or, maybe the three of you.)

As Dan Savage might say, everyone has a right to be given a chance to express, and be indulged in, their fantasies.

 

[Khia88]

Guess I am the Devil's Advocate. Despite being married and having kids, this is YOUR fantasy. You should act on it, and see where it leads. You should not feel shame or guilt, because this just IS. Your feelings and longing. You found this site and pose the question, so you have given a lot of thought to this. You can probably find a kindred soul on line....another married guy? Good luck.

If this guy were single with kids. Hell yeah,but are you really that dense. This "MAN" is married with children. She had his kids and now he is going to fuck some dude in some whore house? This is what makes women not want to date bi men. You're sick in the head and a reason why people think all gay men are whores. I speak up for and help the gay community too much,to have you give this bullshit response. Yes,straight people cheat all of the time,but their not the oppressed orientation. Get some morals folks. What a coward to sneak behind his kids and wife's back.

At the bookstore at school,some chick gave me her dorm number. She has a bf and they have a child. I wanted to slap the bitch.

 

[Khia88]

Why in the world do you feel guilty about a fantasy??? There is no reason you should feel guilty about jacking off to a fantasy. We all have a variety of fantasies when we kick back for a good wank.

Should you pursue fullfilling it? Only you can answer that question. Many men of all sexual persuasions (meaning str8 guys too) and in various degrees of relationships (married, significant others, just dating) have engaged in mutual masturbation. Lot's of str8 married guys attend group j/o meetings. Perhaps you might consider sticking a toe in the water with that kind of activity.

I know some folks disagree with me, and at the risk of having the spears of flame thrown in my direction, I'll say (again) jacking off - alone or with another guy - is not cheating.

Another avenue you could pursue would be to gingerly broach the subject with the wife (assuming you are still married) and feel her out about your bisexual side. She just might surprise you and think it would be a real turn on to watch you with a guy. (And think of the great sex the two of you might have afterward... or, maybe the three of you.)

As Dan Savage might say, everyone has a right to be given a chance to express, and be indulged in, their fantasies.

Jacking off with another man is not cheating? Ha ha okay, If you're not willing to tell your wife/bf,that is a problem. What do you think it is going to lead to? Playing Wii? My roomie told me that she watched her friend jackoff. She has a serious bf and I cursed her out. It always leads to sex.