Should I go?

[Kyanimal]

I would be interested to hear more about Eric's "bad feeling" ... preferrably from Eric, himself. I don't understand, either ...

From what I know ... and I admit I don't "know" all that much! ... I do not get the sense that contact with Your "former" family would be a detriment, or "threat"/"danger"! ???

Only the Two of You know what is truly involved here. But ... I still say go, if You can!

 

[sixthson]

I think he thinks it might come out that I'm gay and that it may hurt me some way, I don't know.

If you does hurt you, it won't be the first time you've been hurt when people found out and you can be sure it won't be the last, either.

Whatever you decide, I know you will talk it out with Eric and you will always support each other in all your decisions.

It's lovely that Eric is trying to protect his baby.

Good luck, bud.

 

[GL]

i think you should go.

you're going out of respect for someone who mattered a good deal to you.

 

[Kyanimal]

I think I would rather Eric post with an explanation, if he chooses to respond, as I don't want to speak for him.

He knows I loved my wife, but he also knows I love him too. For some reason he just doesn't want me to go. I think he thinks it might come out that I'm gay and that it may hurt me some way, I don't know.

O.K. Put "that way", I can better understand His concern for You! (But, I'd still like to hear from Him.)

However, if You are going on "Your Own", which I still think You should (Sorry!, Eric!), I don't see how Your current "situation" should become a "problem".

Hey, Guys! I have absolutely no "qualms", or "doubts", about Your present committment, and Full Life, TOGETHER! Indeed, given all of Your History, I'm Astounded, Amazed, and Totally Jealous of what the Two of You HAVE Together!!

But ... this situation brings up "other" considerations.

Rob ... I'm still thinking You should go, not only for "Them", but, also, for Yourself.

And, Eric, I'm thinking the best thing to do, for Yourself, and Rob, is to encourage Rob to go, with Your blessings!

As always ... no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[gmoney]

I think I would rather Eric post with an explanation, if he chooses to respond, as I don't want to speak for him.

He knows I loved my wife, but he also knows I love him too. For some reason he just doesn't want me to go. I think he thinks it might come out that I'm gay and that it may hurt me some way, I don't know.

From what I see, Eric is showing his true love for you. He's concerned for you above all else.

I'm sure he will support whatever you decide to do.

I know this is very emotional for you. I wish you only the best in whatever choice you make.

 

[shea]

Robert, it sounds as if you really want to go. You really should, it also
shows what a great guy you really are.

shea

 

[metta]

You need to do what you feel is the right thing for you to do. I don't feel I have any right to say differently. Hopefully you and Eric can come to some sort of understanding and agreement. I also don't want to get in the middle of both you and Eric. I'm sorry that I could not be of more help but I don't think that it would be appropriate to give more input on this. You know what is the right thing for you. Just take everything into consideration, including your own feelings and Eric's and do the best you can.

 

[justgofaster]

"To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part."

You should go alone, express your sympathies, attend the funeral, and return home.

 

[frankfrank]

Wow, everybody beat me to any advice I was going to give! This is one of those things that can be done only now; it cannot be postponed. You clearly prefer to go, and you clearly still respect that family. I'm not familiar with your Eric, but I'm sure that at least once or twice he's proceeded with something which you didn't really want him to do. It's your turn now...

Afterwards you will always have the knowledge that you were there in person, and that you accomplished a lot more than you could by sending "just another" bunch of flowers.

 

[Centexfarmer]

My former father in-law died this weekend. I always considered my former wife's father a good friend, although I haven't seen him in years. My wife was killed in a car accident some 17 years ago but I have always tried to stay in touch with my former in-laws. They live in Longview, Texas, and I'm planning on attending the funeral this weekend. My in-laws don't know I'm in a gay relationship now, in fact they don't even know I'm gay, so I have elected to go by myself. These are very conservative people and I don't think they would take to kindly to me bring the boyfriend or even announcing my true sexual orientation at such an occasion. I only want to go to honor a man who I have a great deal respect and love for.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that Eric, my boyfriend, doesn't think I should go. He thinks since my former wife died some 17 years ago and that I haven't seen my in-laws in several years that I should just send flowers with my condolences.

What do you think?

Your lives interconnected with each other at one point; you married his daughter.

There's no need for your former in-laws to know about your current life, any more than you care to share, but by going I think that you'd be giving honor to the life that you once shared with these people.

If you can afford it go.

Though, honestly, I'm sure that they'd probably just as much appreciate flowers and some sort of acknowledgement on your part would suffice.

Either of those two would do.

What does your heart tell you?

 

[quasar]

You lost your wife to death, not divorce. There is no bitterness between you and you feel affection and respect for him and the family. The funeral is about the family and their grieving their loss, not about your current situation...

This was my thought exactly. I think you should go in person. Even if you've had no contact for some time, you need to honour this man and his family by attending. I'm sure you will find that the family and friends will be extremely touched.

The only thing that I will say however, is that you need to be prepared for the emotion that will come with it. Whilst your mother-in-law is saying goodbye to her husband, the memory of her daughter is not going to be far behind. Your presence may, of course, bring it a little more to the forefront of her mind.

I hope that you and Eric can resolve this issue in some way, but you NEED to go.

 

[evil_danger]

I think I would rather Eric post with an explanation, if he chooses to respond, as I don't want to speak for him.

He knows I loved my wife, but he also knows I love him too. For some reason he just doesn't want me to go. I think he thinks it might come out that I'm gay and that it may hurt me some way, I don't know.

It doesn't have to be known that you’re gay, if the question comes up just do what most of us do and glaze over the subject.

Its important from a closure aspect, as your wife was taken from you, in their eyes you could still be very much part of their family, clearly him being the closet you were to.

As for taking Eric... I personally wouldn't, not because they don’t know about your sexuality but I personally would feel disrespectful even taking a girlfriend to an event such as that.

 

[Sausy]

I hope Eric isn't disappointed I'm going to be among those saying you should go,Robert.You were very close and had been married to his daughter,who in your own way loved very much.He was part of one important chapter in your life,and was family if only by marriage.Eric needn't worry....you love him and he is your life now.But you should honor the memory of your former father in law by attending his services.Your sexuality isn't the important thing here,no need for it to even become a topic of contention in this.Go,honor hismemory,and close the chapter on your relationship with him in a loving and dignified way...I'm sure he would have wanted you in attendance as one whom he cared greatly about.Don't leave yourself open for regret later,which you couldn't change...go.

 

[Shepherd 2]

My former father in-law died this weekend. I always considered my former wife's father a good friend, although I haven't seen him in years. My wife was killed in a car accident some 17 years ago but I have always tried to stay in touch with my former in-laws. They live in Longview, Texas, and I'm planning on attending the funeral this weekend. My in-laws don't know I'm in a gay relationship now, in fact they don't even know I'm gay, so I have elected to go by myself. These are very conservative people and I don't think they would take to kindly to me bring the boyfriend or even announcing my true sexual orientation at such an occasion. I only want to go to honor a man who I have a great deal respect and love for.

Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that Eric, my boyfriend, doesn't think I should go. He thinks since my former wife died some 17 years ago and that I haven't seen my in-laws in several years that I should just send flowers with my condolences.

What do you think?

This is what I call a no brainer. It is important to you apparently, and I say go. Closure to past good friendships is an important aspect of good mental health. So many here favor the cut and run until is them who are abandoned. Wake up folks.

You know what your heart wants to do, so do it, and as the bf to go if he is anxious for some reason. Apparently he would not want to go.


Shep+

 

[NineOfClubs]

I voted "go".

You said you always considered this man a good friend.

If I could afford it and could get the time off, I'd be there to say goodbye to a friend.

 

[Endlight]

I'm glad, Robertac, you wrote you are going.

That is the decent thing to do and will give you closure. From your opening post, you stated you got along well with this father-in-law.

Now is the time to celebrate the memory and I am sure you will always have a good feeling, having gone.

I support what everyone said above.

Distance and/or lack of funds would be the only acceptable reasons keeping me from attending in such a situation: nothing else. But then I would wire my respects with flowers or a contribution to some worthwhile cause.

Please accept my condolences .

 

[alley]

I agree go---funerals are for the living. It is also nice to see that even though you have not seen family in a few years, you can show them that you still care---and in a way you represent your former wife----

 

[alley]

double post

 

[woaini]

isn't he a bitch?