Should I have faith in this guy, or should I listen to his friends?

[dhchitown1984]

OK guys, I've got a bit of a situation, I'm try to decipher if I should give this guy a shot, or if I'm better off not starting anything with this guy. I've been single the past six months or so, and while I want a relationship, I don't want to get into one for the sake of telling people I have a boyfriend. Here's the story:

I met this guy through a friends back in probably March/April. Nice guy. I've been trying not to stick to "my types" out in the dating pool, because I realize that there's TONS of great guys out there, and I could very easily pass up Mr. Right because he's not someone I may typically go after. So I meet this guy through a friend when we were out when night.

He's a nice guy. Friendly, social, not someone I'd typically go after. But we ended up meeting up a few times (always in group settings, and it was always our mutual friend who got us out to the same place, just as a social gathering). One time, after we'd probably hung out four or five times, we ended up making out at the end of the night, and then it started.... "You should totally be my boyfriend! I want you to be my boyfriend." On one hand, it's kinda cute. On the other, it's kind of annyoing... we've never spoken to each other in a truly private conversation for crying out loud.. and you want to be my boyfriend?

A few days later, the mutual friend and I were hanging out and he said that the guy liked me, but that he wasn't the "dating" type. He then went on to say that he thought he was seeing someone at the time, which then made me feel like the guy had a point since clearly the guy told me he was single two weeks before that, and then we made out, while sober, and he was supposedly seeing someone?

Last night, we met up.... we had a couple drinks, said good night, and nothing happened. He then texts me with "Let's talk about you being my boyfriend again."

Now, on one hand I want to keep to my effort of seeing guys outside of my typical type, but on the other hand, I keep thinking about my buddy's warning (who's known the kid since high school, albeit, they not extremely close friends) about how he's not the dating type, and the fact that they guy was potentially seeing someone while we had our little make out session.

Given that, do you think I'm reading too much into the mutual friends advice? do you think I'm in the right to be hesitate? Would you move forward to see this guy and just find out what happens?

 

[Corny]

I once gave a friend the same advice that your friend gave you. "Careful, he is not the relationship kind of guy" I told him when I saw that they were making out after they met for the first time. Knowing that the one friend had have several short "relationships" for a few weeks, and knowing that my other friend is a very soft, emotional and faithful soul.

Today they are almost 5 years together. Some time ago I brought this up again and apologized to him for the ill advice. I feared he might think that I have been jealous or had other bad intentions. However he didn't pick it up like that at all, he simply said that he wanted to find out himself. He got the warning and was prepared - more or less. But in the end he wanted to find out on his own.

So ... that's probably what you should do, too. Don't rush it to become his bf - especially if you feel uncomfortable because you never spent much time alone. Take him out on a few dates. And if he, despite not being the "dating type", goes on those dates with you and if they go well - you can still decide whether you want to become partners.

 

[HunterM]

Knowing what you know...you could ask him directly if he's dating someone else exclusively. If he is, then he's the cheating kind. If not, ask him what he wants to get out of this relationship. Address those issues your friend warn you about. Then decide for yourself whether or not this is something you want to persue further.

A lot of people get confused dating with marriage. You could be dating a few people at the same time without exclusively committed to each other. That is what dating all about. Watch the TV show bachelor or bachelorette. The bachelor or bachelorette makes out with 15 other contestants to narrow down to the one by the end.

If you are attracted to him, keep dating him so you can get to know him a lot better. If you two are not in an exclusive committed relationship, he is free to see other people. So can you. After spending more one on one time with him, you can decide if you want to be his boyfriend or not.

 

[HornyHenry]

Many guys play the field and tomcat around sampling many different men before settling down, starting any long term relationships.

 

[TX-Beau]

First off, you don't sound all that interested anyway.

Second, forget the friend's advice, this guy's behavior is sending up red flags. He's either defining "boyfriend," extremely casually, or he's going to leech onto you and never let go.

 

[Rand]

First off, you don't sound all that interested anyway.

Second, forget the friend's advice, this guy's behavior is sending up red flags. He's either defining "boyfriend," extremely casually, or he's going to leech onto you and never let go.

DH,

Once again, Tx-Beau nailed it. The way this guy went from hi to marry me was a little quick. Ok, not marry, but still be my boyfriend. Why not just lets be friend and see where this leads.

As Tex says, there are red-flags a waving. Please tread carefully.

Rand

 

[Seasoned]

I say speak with the guy directly. "Please define boyfriend," would be the first words out of my mouth. Then, depending upon how he answers, you follow up with statements like, "we've never been alone," or, how many boyfriends do you usually have at one time?"