i met someone on gay.com, we went on a date and liked each other, ended up doing some heavy, shirts-off making out and feeling each other up on my bed. second date has yet to happen, but i imagine things will escalate further. here's my dilemma: i want to have sex (maybe with this guy, too early to say definitively), and i'm pretty sure he'll want to have sex with me. but i'm not very good at it--i ejaculate early, which is a real ego crusher for me. i'm also not very experienced. i'd like to get better at it, which, i think, means having sex, and that's one reason i'm eager to do it. but having the "sorry i'm bad at sex, care to be patient while i learn and you help train me?" discussion seems a) unattractively self-denigrating, and b) not really something to discuss with someone i've only had two dates with.
maybe i shouldn't be having sex with someone on the second date if i can't be having an open conversation about sex with him? meanwhile, if that's the case, what i worry about is building up the expectation of sex by forestalling it until we know each other better, and then having it be a letdown for him when i'm bad in bed or reveal to him that it's an issue for me. i've hooked up with someone before who seemed to be pretty into me on the first date, and then had him pretty much ignore me after i popped my own cork like a minute after he started sucking my dick, and i failed to get him off after another half hour of working him over (i've come to the retrospective opinion that that guy is kind of a douchebag, but it took this experience for me to realize that). anyway, i don't want to get my feelings hurt.
if it's not clear, i'm not into one-time casual sex. i don't need monogamy at this point, but i would like to feel secure in friendships, at least, with people i'm sleeping with (on a slightly unrelated topic, i have been able to have this sort of security before, but only with people i've slept with after knowing them as casual friends for a while--though these have always been women, and the opportunity has never presented itself in real life with men, hence gay.com). that prior experience tells me i shouldn't have sex with this new guy until i feel like we have a relationship of some kind, but what if, after waiting, it sucks and he bails, and i'm still lousy in bed? how many times should i repeat that pattern?
all of this frustrating logic and conjecture seems too burdensome to share with someone i've just met, so i've come to you, anonymous forum hordes. what do you think i should do?
maybe i shouldn't be having sex with someone on the second date if i can't be having an open conversation about sex with him? meanwhile, if that's the case, what i worry about is building up the expectation of sex by forestalling it until we know each other better, and then having it be a letdown for him when i'm bad in bed or reveal to him that it's an issue for me. i've hooked up with someone before who seemed to be pretty into me on the first date, and then had him pretty much ignore me after i popped my own cork like a minute after he started sucking my dick, and i failed to get him off after another half hour of working him over (i've come to the retrospective opinion that that guy is kind of a douchebag, but it took this experience for me to realize that). anyway, i don't want to get my feelings hurt.
if it's not clear, i'm not into one-time casual sex. i don't need monogamy at this point, but i would like to feel secure in friendships, at least, with people i'm sleeping with (on a slightly unrelated topic, i have been able to have this sort of security before, but only with people i've slept with after knowing them as casual friends for a while--though these have always been women, and the opportunity has never presented itself in real life with men, hence gay.com). that prior experience tells me i shouldn't have sex with this new guy until i feel like we have a relationship of some kind, but what if, after waiting, it sucks and he bails, and i'm still lousy in bed? how many times should i repeat that pattern?
all of this frustrating logic and conjecture seems too burdensome to share with someone i've just met, so i've come to you, anonymous forum hordes. what do you think i should do?
