Should I have stayed?

[Kulindahr]

I went to Portland today to meet with a JUB guy I know from last year's JUB Porltand meet-up. After, I went to my fave bar, the Red Cap. I ran into a guy who remembered me from last year, as I was on my way out. I couldn't place him, and I'd already decided to head for the barn, so I just exchanged a few words and took off. But I've been trying to decide if, the way I'm short on buddies, I should have changed plans and stuck around to get to know him again -- aren't buddies more important than work?

 

[Zondal2001]

I think I would have stopped for a chat if it were me. Maybe you'll bump into him again

 

[Eagle653]

I know what you mean. When I'm focused on work, I can be too abrupt with folks sometimes to get back to time-on-task.

Anyway, yeah, I probably would have stopped and chatted if I had the time. Do you know how to reach him by email or something...just to say something like sorry I couldn't talk, was on my way to work, but would like to catch up sometime? If you know how to reach him, I'm sure it'd be easy to re-ignite the conversation.

 

[Kulindahr]

"Focus" I suppose is the problem. I was raised to focus on Getting Things Done, and I have to exert an effort to shift gears. I'd just spent two hours writing and editing for a couple of projects, then tried to mingle at the bar only to discover I couldn't get into Social Mode and connect with people, and so had concluded getting to bed, to rest for getting to work, was my best course -- and then bumped into someone I'd love to have sat down with, renewed acquaintance, undressed with my eyes -- well, yeah!
But how do I teach my brain to react to what I know is the higher priority for me right now -- getting friends and buddies, filling in the massive void left by all the ones who wrote me off when they found out I'm one of "those"? This is just making the emptiness worse!
<agony>

 

[G-Lexington]

You wouldn't necessarily have had to chat with him, but you could've at least asked for his phone number or e-mail address or something...so you could set something up later.

Lex

 

[conrad]

KULINDAHR, you have a way of giving yourself advice and then in the next post you seem already to have forgotten. Buddies (friends) are in some cases more important than work but the two can exist together. So I read on and find that you sense that "getting friends and buddies" has to be a top priority for you. I would caution you to remind yourself that friends and buddies are not all potential lovers. You and I both need friends and "a friend who is more than a friend" and once you have found that very special friend never let him/her go.
I ask myself why I always read your posts a second time? I'm finding something there but I can't seem to get it.

Who said it: "Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: it might have been"?

Anyhow, keep posting we need mental stimulation too.

Peace!

 

[3nipples]

You already know what to do... you just have to learn to put it into action. Easier said than done, haha. I do the same thing all the time.

 

[Kulindahr]

You wouldn't necessarily have had to chat with him, but you could've at least asked for his phone number or e-mail address or something...so you could set something up later.

Lex

Yeah -- I thought of that about 25 miles down the freeway.
<sigh>

 

[Kulindahr]

KULINDAHR, you have a way of giving yourself advice and then in the next post you seem already to have forgotten. Buddies (friends) are in some cases more important than work but the two can exist together. So I read on and find that you sense that "getting friends and buddies" has to be a top priority for you. I would caution you to remind yourself that friends and buddies are not all potential lovers. You and I both need friends and "a friend who is more than a friend" and once you have found that very special friend never let him/her go.
I ask myself why I always read your posts a second time? I'm finding something there but I can't seem to get it.

Who said it: "Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: it might have been"?

Anyhow, keep posting we need mental stimulation too.

Peace!

My guess is that the answer to your questions in the big paragraph is that my mind is mixed up, so are my emotions, and I chase myself around in circles looking for a spot where things stand still and I can start.

Maybe I should drill myself in asking for phone numbers -- make it a habit, get it set in my mind?

 

[conrad]

To think and never act on one's best thoughts makes thinking into something futile.

To act without bringing one's best thoughts to the action can be fatal or, at the least unsatisfactory and a continued source of frustration.

It would seem then that those relationships turn out best to which two persons bring to a relationship their whole beings--heart, soul, mind and strength. Or, put crassly, we get from a relationship what we invest in that relationship and more. But when each party gives to the relationship, seeking only the good of the other, the path to the experience of the joy of oneness often seems to open naturally allowing both parties to see possibilities that neither had ever dreamed of before.

One often hears people say that a relationship is a 50/50 arrangement; I'd say that if you're looking for something that will last, be prepared to "bet your life" on it.

 

[Riverrick]

The way you learn to change is to do it wrong a few times and regret it.

Now its locked into your brain that socializing is important also and missing out on a potential friend may leave you feeling regretful and lonely. Hopefully that will be powerful enough to derail your responsible side next time and get you to switch gears.

I do a lot of things the right way because I did them the wrong way at one time.

 

[Kulindahr]

The way you learn to change is to do it wrong a few times and regret it.

Now its locked into your brain that socializing is important also and missing out on a potential friend may leave you feeling regretful and lonely. Hopefully that will be powerful enough to derail your responsible side next time and get you to switch gears.

I do a lot of things the right way because I did them the wrong way at one time.

I guess I'd better make a lot of mistakes fast, then. Seems to me I'm learning things now that most people do in middle school or high school -- but I can recall once getting punished for putting time with friends ahead of homework, so maybe I have cause?

At any rate, I was back there last night. I mostly touched bases with people I knew, got to know a couple a bit better. I kept an eye out for him, but felt a touch of despair off and on because I'm not sure I'd even recognize him for certain.

 

[Riverrick]

At any rate, I was back there last night. I mostly touched bases with people I knew, got to know a couple a bit better. I kept an eye out for him, but felt a touch of despair off and on because I'm not sure I'd even recognize him for certain.

Seems I know that feeling.

Anyhow, I sure understand you going back.

 

[Kulindahr]

I go back because it's home. Where I sleep isn't home; I can't really be me, it isn't mine, and there's no one I can talk to about me. At Red Cap a lot of the staff know me, some are becoming friends, various people say "Hi!", I can relax. This is just one more small uncomfortable (okay, agonizing) thing, but it's home. If they would let me, I'd pitch a cot in the back room.