Should I keep trying?

[Kigan2006]

I'm in a situation where i'm not sure what I should do. I've gotten a few opinions, but none that actually helped me make a choice.

I've known this guy for around 2 years at least, and since we met in person a little under a year ago, i've been falling for him. For this, i'll call him "C". When I told C how I feel, someone else had told him that he had feelings as well, and C wasn't sure who he really wanted and needed time to think. After a couple days, he chose the other guy. However, they only lasted 1 month, and its been several months since that. I told C again how I feel, but after a little thought he said he thinks he feels that i'm just a friend. I understand that, but I also know how strongly I feel, and it is a feeling that is not going away.

So, I just don't know what to do now. Should I give up on a relationship, or keep trying?

 

[alley]

He has let you know how he feels--twice. Would not push. Don't wait on him to come around --life is too short.

 

[joer]

I have to agree with alley on this one. Unfortunately, it's pretty clear.

 

[Kigan2006]

I guess the fact that he said "I think I consider you a friend" and not "I consider you as just a friend" kinda made me want to keep trying.

 

[slobone]

Look at it from his point of view. If he were interested in you, wouldn't he have given you a better response?

Better just forget about this one and move on.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I guess the fact that he said "I think I consider you a friend" and not "I consider you as just a friend" kinda made me want to keep trying.

You definitely want to re-think your position here.

#1
He turned you down once over this other dude. No self-respecting guy, I have ever met, would ever agree to be treated as 'a second choice'. Why should you?

#2
He also did not go on to say 'I consider you a boyfriend-in-waiting', right? The semantics of it notwithstanding, he has absolutely no reason on earth to willingly limit his choices. Why should have he said 'just a friend'? You are there like a puppy waiting for him anyway. He is free to enjoy your attention in exchange for nothing on his part.

Besides, most people would be having a serious difficulty in telling anyone, they are befriended with: 'you are JUST a friend'. Such a statement would be understood as a serious attempt to devalue the meaning of friendship.

#3
Sorry, if this sounds too harsh, but hanging all your hopes on the lack of one JUST in his key sentence sounds like desperation in essence. Are you really that desperate?

SC

 

[cellular]

I dont know about this situation. It is tricky. Maybe he doesnt want the relationship just yet, maybe he was hurt in the last relationship with the other guy. Maybe you should give him more time to think it over, i would just be his friend for now, and little by little, try for him again. But dont fill your life with this one goal of getting him to like you. Open yourself to other possibilities of finding someone else.

 

[CGHJ]

Don't get stuck on one guy...there's plenty of other dudes for you to fall for out there.

 

[rareboy]

Oh heaven's...you can't be that naive. Leave him alone. He obviously is not into you.
Don't punish yourself and him anymore by persisting. You'll only lose him as a friend.

 

[hawkia]

Oh heaven's...you can't be that naive. Leave him alone. He obviously is not into you.
Don't punish yourself and him anymore by persisting. You'll only lose him as a friend.

Well said once again.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Kigan,

Mate its hard when our hearts and our heads don't listen to each other...and I'm sure that theres a part of you saying that the smartest and safest thing to do is leave this alone, but I also understand how powerful your heart is in longing to be with this guy.

The reality is that right now you do need to either step back from your feelings or walk away altogether.

Your choices for the moment are pretty clear. Either value and cherish this guy as a friend and all the moments and experiences that come with that or you lose him from your life altogether. You dont deserve to lose him... your feelings show how much you value him and you cant help those... so while its probably the hardest choice, you need to keep your feelings in check...for now.

The future is a big place Kigan...and who knows what it holds. This guy might recover from his hurt, he might see things differently...or he might not. But what you need to do is look into the future and ask yourself..."am I better off with this guy in my life in anyway than not at all?"

You're an articulate caring compassionate guy Kigan... thats easy to see. You've got a big heart and a lot of passion. You dont deserve to pine away on a lost cause...your better than that. There will be other guys who will fall for you and you for them...thats a certainty. You just need to believe thats true, and while now your heart is set on this guy, it too will soon enough see the value in his freindship if thats the only choice.

Your life is too short, too special and valuable to wait for too long. You've got a lot to offer and a lot to give. Dont hide that from the rest of the world pining for your new best friend.

 

[luminum]

He's told you twice. Move on with your life. Find someone who cares for you on the first go. If you still hold out (and I don't recommend it) wait for him to come to you. Then you'll know that he wants you.

 

[kurtwild]

keep on trying.
use some tricks,make him jealouse,but if you want him,keep on trying.
friends often become boyfriends.

 

[confusedboy23]

I can somewhat relate to you - you want to be there 'just in case' whoever he is with right now didn't work out. I've been there, done that, and it's just not easy. Has it been worthwhile? I don't know but I don't think so.

It's easy to say 'forget him and move on' but I know in fact, doing it is a totally different thing.

From my experience, you should cut all communication with him until you are really ready to face him again. "Just being friends" isn't a good idea when you have those underlying feelings for him. Being friends will just hurt you all the more, now and then.

 

[RicanDAB]

Kigan,

What is it about this guy that makes him such a catch in that you need to have him as your boyfriend? He clearly has not demonstrated any redeeming qualities that would trump his rejection of you. If it were me and he could not decide between me and someone else, I don't wait around for an answer - I make the decision for him - c-ya!

Do you really want to be with someone who's already rejected you not once but twice???

You will be surprised how quickly you will get over him once you meet other guys to date and enjoy life with. Then you'll kick yourself for having obsessed over that loser for whatever little time you did.