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Should I move on?

J

JC2008

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Hey all, sorry for any vagueness in this post.

I’ve got a problem with one of my best friends. We’ve known each other for 3 years now and we went through periods of being really close. He used to tell me everything that was bothering him and I’d do the same, we would help each other out and we have stood up for each other more than once. Anyway in the last few months, well he’s been off travelling and when he came back things don’t feel the same. I email and text him but a barely get a response. When I see him out and about we will talk a bit and then just look at each other, I seem to keep having a mental block because an hour later I can think of loads of things I want to ask or say but when were together… nothing. I suggested we go to some events together and previously he had been keen but now he isn’t. He seems to be getting on with all of our other friends but we just don’t talk anymore. I thought we were drifting apart once before but we both bounced back, but now it’s happening again and I think to myself, if only I didn’t have these mental blocks and could think of something interesting to say. I’m all out of ideas to be honest and maybe I should just move on.
 
You should just ask him if anything is wrong, and or/if you may have done something that upset him. You will either get your real/fake answer and then you can make your decision as to whether the move on. But it sounds kinda like he has moved on.
 
Well, something is up but you left out, well, the story. If you guys were really close at one time you need to find out why he is acting the way he is. Ask him, now. We don't really move on from friendships unless something god awful happens between the two of you that would make sustaining the friendship impossible, but then all involved knows why. You may have done or said something to him or to your other friends about him that you didn't think was a big deal but he sure did. People don't usually turn off feelings like a close frienship unless something prompted this action. You need to find out now. Does he know you are gay? Is he? Did you guys ever mess around. Again, you left out the story.
 
Ok, I am gay, hes bi but only out to about 5 people far as I know. We haven't fooled around but I did wonder if he had a crush on me once as he told me that he cared about me, didn't want to loose me etc. He said things to me that he liked the fact we never argue and how kindly I treat him. But I thought better of that because he does have a girlfriend. He did push her away sometimes to spend more time with me which was cool and just before this happened we were talking more than we usually did. I'm not sure maybe there was an attraction he wasn't comfortable with.
 
S p a c e and time are what you two need.

Feel happy that you two had been good friends, don't muck it up by wanting more, or wanting something that the other is unable or unwilling to give. If there are no answers, leave it at that. Sometimes life is hard enough when there are answers, but things that are hard to say will sometimes best be left unsaid.
 
JC2008 said:
Ok, I am gay, hes bi but only out to about 5 people far as I know. We haven't fooled around but I did wonder if he had a crush on me once as he told me that he cared about me, didn't want to loose me etc. He said things to me that he liked the fact we never argue and how kindly I treat him. But I thought better of that because he does have a girlfriend. He did push her away sometimes to spend more time with me which was cool and just before this happened we were talking more than we usually did. I'm not sure maybe there was an attraction he wasn't comfortable with.
Click to expand...

JC, as I said you need to talk to him but now I understand. This could possibly go both ways. He could have feelings for you he is not quite ready to deal with or he may feel you do. I know it could be uncomfortable but you are going to have to sit down with the guy and find out.
 
If you are able to make him sit down and talk to you, do so and maybe you can find out what is wrong.

If not, I suggest you move on. Moving on does not mean cutting him out of your life altogether, but until he comes back to you, you might as well see what other fishes there are in the ocean. Who knows how long you would need to wait for him to come back to his senses?
 
Thanks all, I would try and speak to him, but he ignored my text last night. I just asked him how his job interview went. He is upset because he doesn't know where his life is going and he got some bad news about a job he really wanted and he started to cry so I put my arm round his shoulder and he cuddled me and I told him I was there for him. Its been like this since then. But I've always been the one helping him and he's helped me in the past. Relationship wise he's one of those friends you don't want to loose and risk a relationship with you know, that's why it hurts.
 
As has been said , you should talk to him , show yourself and him some respect and try to do it "face to face" . If you let these thoughts fester in your mind . and he may very well be having the same thoughts , then both of you are at risk of the friendship ending .
Carrying around "emotional baggage" that can be resolved (even if it is not the outcome you desire) only does you and those around you harm .
True friends will listen . There has been very good advice given , i hope you manage to find a solution .
 
Hey all, thank you all for your good advice. I decided to talk to him and sent him a message saying I hoped he was ok. A few minutes later I got a long message from him saying sorry for everything and he wants to meet up once he's back from travelling next month. Thanks again everyone. :-)
 
In my haste I also forgot to mention he thanked me for my support too so I'm quite humbled by that if that's the right word.
 
That is great JC. It looks like your friendship is getting back on track. I wish you well in your endeavor.
 
You can't really force someone to open up an talk. They have to want to themselves.

Sometimes people just need space. I have had friends drift out and then back into my life and you can't really hold a grudge over it.

People are dynamic beings and sometimes the person you knew a few years ago is completely different now and you grow apart, particularly with "childhood" friends into adulthood or even as an adult when one gets married and has children or other life-changing events.
 
I wouldn't ever force him, but I try and encorage him because he can make himself ill and I do care about him. He's the same with me, were as bad as each other probably! He's away for a while so there's some space there. I need to meet some more people who I can talk to to be fair
 
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