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Should I Or Shouldn't I?

Boodeedood

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I'm 47 and a bi-married man. I've had sex with a guy before and very much enjoyed it. Although my sex life with my wife is healthy, I still have an appetite for guys. That being said, here's my conundrum.
I have a co-worker, whom I'll call Andy. He's probably 20 years younger that I am, pretty cute with that typical twinkish body type. When he started working there, I was training him, and struck up the typical conversation topics like where he was from, what does he do for fun. We got along fine. Then I asked, "Wife, fiance, girlfriend, kids?" He said he has none, and won't ever bother with women because his dick is too small to satisfy anyone. (almost did a spit take there) Well, I left that alone.
At work, Andy seems to spend a lot of time talking about all the guns he owns and showing pictures of nude girls on his phone. Once I joked about all the porn he has on his phone and he said it's all on one of his friend's Facebook page, it's not his, which is true.
One weekend another co-worker and his wife were visiting, and over a few beers and sitting around the fire, I asked my co-worker what he thought of Andy. He said "I think he might be into dudes." (spit take)
A few weeks later, we were at a party and Andy was there. The booze was flowing and so were my hands. At one point, Andy was resting his elbows on the counter, and I needed to get by. On my way by I grabbed his hips and buried my junk in his crack. He didn't move or protest. Later on just him and I were talking. He dropped a bottle cap, bent over with his ass toward me, to which I promptly slapped it. At the end of the night I apologized for copping feels, and he said it didn't bother him.
In social settings over the last couple years, I've grab assed with Andy several times. He hasn't reciprocated, but hasn't told me to stop. Another time at work, he was bent over, no one was around, and I said "Damn! Look at that butt!" He put an arch in his back and poked his ass out for me. Faawwwwck. When we talk, he always gets close, and there's constant eye contact between us.
Sorry for the long story, I'm pretty chatty.
So, I know there have had to have been many others who went through a similar situation. Is there chance Andy would engage in some man to man fun? Or, am I just reading into it? Ya, I'm a shit heal for being married and all, hence why I'd like someone to help me out with this, since I potentially have a lot to lose. I'm sure Andy would be very discrete. Should I give him the full court press this summer, or shouldn't I? What would you do?
Thanks, guys!
 
OK Two things. One, you have a wife, and you don't seem to care about her. Before you protest, if you care about her, why are you looking to break the promises you made to her.

Second, sexual harassment is illegal. If you pursue thus guy and it goes wrong, you are going to lose your job.
 
Ask him out for a beer after work some time. Don't make a move. Just see if he shows interest. Let him make the first move, if at all. It does not appear that you are his superior, but if you are it would be too dangerous to get into anything.
 
OK Two things. One, you have a wife, and you don't seem to care about her. Before you protest, if you care about her, why are you looking to break the promises you made to her.

Second, sexual harassment is illegal. If you pursue thus guy and it goes wrong, you are going to lose your job.

This. 100%. I've made it clear on jub many times what I think about cheating and that I've been cheated on. I can't tell you how gut wretching it felt when I found out the person that I loved more than anything in the world was cheating on me. I could NEVER do that to someone, muchless the person I took a vow to stay faithful to. Is your job and possibly your marriage worth losing? Guess you're the only one that can make that call.

Steven
 
OK Two things. One, you have a wife, and you don't seem to care about her. Before you protest, if you care about her, why are you looking to break the promises you made to her.

Second, sexual harassment is illegal. If you pursue thus guy and it goes wrong, you are going to lose your job.

Disregard. Double post. Sorry

Steven
 
Is it sexual harassment when it's just a co-worker? I thought it was only when one had power/authority over the other. ?

Anyway, I'm not going to lecture you on remaining faithful...you've already taken that into consideration. If you want to pursue something with Andy, then you've got to come out and ask him. He knows you enjoy flirting with him, but probably thinks it isn't going to go any further than that...just harmless straight guy fun. Even if it has crossed his mind to get together with you, does he know you're bi and would he even consider fooling around with a married man? These are lines he's likely not going to cross by coming on to you first, especially without knowing if you are willing to do so too. You're the one that wants this, so it's up to you to make the first move.

As for what I would do...I wouldn't risk my marriage or my friendship.
 
In situations of hesitation, I have realized that often times it's confusion of who the "man" in the relationship is going to be so to speak... who will take the lead and who will willingly follow. Without any awkwardness or that weird rape-y feeling.

It's like... forgive my raunchiness for a moment (oh what am I saying- y'all like raunchy) , say you want to spit on a guy's face and then smear it in erotically with your hand. If he wants this too, wants you to do it to him - then it's really hot and enjoyable. If you don't know if he wants it and just assume he might and do it anyway- then he might physically try to fight you or file a lawsuit. And well , it would also be morally wrong and very awkward. If he wants to do it, but wants to be the one that spits in your face... (you both want to spit on each other's face but neither wants to be the recipient) Then as one of my funny online friends said once, it would be like Yin and Yin (or in this case Yang and Yang) and it just doesn't work... because as Quagmire said, two halves don't make a whole without a hole.

If you are unsure if he wants it, and can't read him appropriately... (a good lover just kinda intuitively senses these things) then you just might not be as sexually compatible as you hope for even though he's good looking. This happens. Guys have sex with our eyes, we are 'visual' as the cliche goes. So we love porn and superficial stuff like hot bodies etc. but that of course does not mean he will be right for you even though he's a cute twink.

I hope I could help! (and if you know any guys in their 20s who wants me to spit on their face and smear it in erotically with my hand let me know!)
 
Listen to TX-beau and ignore benvolio. OP, you have already answered your own question when you said you had a lot to lose.
At your age, you probably have children, too. Stop thinking with your dick and start thinking of your family and do the right thing.
I often wonder if cheaters would be cool with being cheated on. I think Georgiadude answered that. If someone wants to play around, they should stay singer.

I'm glad to see others feel the same way about cheating. I get so tired of being called a puritan.

BTW, I'm sure most of those who would encourage you will do it privately. That's what cheaters do.
 
Is it sexual harassment when it's just a co-worker? I thought it was only when one had power/authority over the other. ?...

"...In the federal context, sexual harassment is considered to be a form of sex discrimination under Title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. Accordingly to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) "unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature constitutes sexual harassment when submission to or rejection of this conduct explicitly or implicitly affects an individual's employment, unreasonably interferes with an individual's work performance or creates an intimidating, hostile or offensive work environment...."

http://employment.findlaw.com/employment-discrimination/sexual-harassment-what-is-it.html
(emphasis mine)

If you sexually pursue an uninterested co-worker that can be taken as creating a hostile work environment by the other guy - and they aren't going to fire him over it.

Yes, it's sexual harassment, it may even be sexual harassment if you pursue him out of work, and then he has to deal with you in the office.
 
http://employment.findlaw.com/employment-discrimination/sexual-harassment-what-is-it.html
(emphasis mine)

If you sexually pursue an uninterested co-worker that can be taken as creating a hostile work environment by the other guy - and they aren't going to fire him over it.

Yes, it's sexual harassment, it may even be sexual harassment if you pursue him out of work, and then he has to deal with you in the office.

I get what you're saying and agree in those sets of circumstances. In the OP's case, they've already established a friendship and flirtacious relationship...Andy even told him the slaps and grinding didn't bother him. Sure, if Andy asked him to stop or refused the invitation and the OP continued to pursue, then I can see where harassment could be called out. I'll give the OP the benefit of the doubt and say he'd respect his friend's decision. And, asking a friend if they want to mess around hardly constitutes harassment. And yes, sure, things could sour if they did have an affair, and one of them could go all fatal attraction on the other, but how often does that happen. Consenting adults have office affairs all the time, break up and contiue to work together... uncomfortable as it is, it's not harassment.

Believe me, I'm not advocating for a married man to have an affair...it's not my decision to make though.
 
I'm 47 and a bi-married man. I've had sex with a guy before and very much enjoyed it. Although my sex life with my wife is healthy,,,
I have a co-worker, whom I'll call Andy. He's probably 20 years younger that I am... Should I give him the full court press this summer, or shouldn't I? What would you do?
Unless you want risk having to come home and explain to your wife why you lost your job, no and no.
 
I get what you're saying and agree in those sets of circumstances. In the OP's case, they've already established a friendship and flirtacious relationship...Andy even told him the slaps and grinding didn't bother him. Sure, if Andy asked him to stop or refused the invitation and the OP continued to pursue, then I can see where harassment could be called out. I'll give the OP the benefit of the doubt and say he'd respect his friend's decision. And, asking a friend if they want to mess around hardly constitutes harassment. And yes, sure, things could sour if they did have an affair, and one of them could go all fatal attraction on the other, but how often does that happen. Consenting adults have office affairs all the time, break up and contiue to work together... uncomfortable as it is, it's not harassment.

Believe me, I'm not advocating for a married man to have an affair...it's not my decision to make though.

We don't know if anything that the OP represents the other guy as feeling or doing is accurate. If the other guy was really interested, the OP would not be in here asking us for permission.

At any time the other guy could do any number of detrimental things, or they just get observed by a third party who then could claim sexual harassment on their own behalf. It's not professional in the first place.

Playing grab-ass in the office is just stupid, and if that's not what's happening in the first place, it becomes even more stupid to put one's self in a position of potentially catching that grief.
 
Something would have already happened if the circumstances were right. If you have to ask strangers how to proceed, you already have your answer.
 
Excellent advice from all! It's been awhile, but most of you will be happy to know I followed the majority rule and refrained from pursuing any sexual relationship with Andy. We are still good friends, but yes, his tight little ass ain't worth the huge trouble my cock would get me into. I want to thank you all for the help. No matter how tough the "love" was.
 
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