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Should I really resolve to this...?

O

O7AshC

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Hey guys, relatively new member here.

I'm an 18 year old Asian. Currently, I'm out to my family and siblings, and a couple of friends.

More than a year ago, I met a guy in Uni (during my 1st semester). Physically, he was(still is) very attractive to me, literally fulfilling all the criteria of my ideal boyfriend/husband's looks. Anyway, we became best friends pretty quickly, spending up to 10-12 hours together in a single day, almost everyday. I developed strong feelings for him.

I came out to him January of this year, hoping he'd come out to me too. But he didn't because he isn't gay. He took it well though and we stayed as close friends.. until April when he told me he found out I like him. After I admitted my feelings for him, he rejected me (of course) and slowly backed away. Summer passed, and now we seldom meet up or talk to each other. He would occasionally come talk to me and for that few minutes, it would feel like we were best friends again.

Here's the thing, I still have feelings for him. When I see him on campus (quite often because the school's small), I'll get a very depressed feeling, and even worse when he's hanging out/spending time with other guys. I become paranoid/anxious quite often too; tempted to text him, Facebook him, call him. But as time passes, these feelings are slowly disappearing.

My brother told me to delete that guy's number, unfriend him on Facebook, delete his photos/videos, and never talk to him again. So, should I really resolve to this? What do I tell him? Think it'll help me get over him more quickly? What's holding me back is that I might regret cutting all ties from him. I'm also embarrassed to do it; it may come off as being over-dramatic, or emotionally weak, ya know? But if it's really going to benefit me in the long-run, I can also force myself to do it.

Any advice?
 
Oh dear..... how many of us, myself included, have been down this road.

Your best bet is to avoid seeing him until your feelings die down. It really sucks to fall for a straight guy. It really sucks that we cannot just switch off those feelings. But you really ARE better off finding someone that can return those feelings. You are young and in the prime of your life. Do not waste any of it pining after someone you cannot ever have. Trust me on this. It never ends well for you.
 
Welcome to JUB. You have a wonderful brother who is protective of you. Keep him close during this transitional time.

Your friend got scared and wishes to protect himself. You should do whatever is necessary so that you don't obsess over him. If you're able to refrain from checking in him in Facebook you wouldn't have to delete him, but your emotions are what's at stake. Do whatever you need to to remain healthy. Good luck to you.
 
Been there. Not fun. If you still want this guy in your life as a friend, you need to not make a big deal out of it , even though I know it is a big deal and hurts like hell. That he's still willing to talk to you shows he still wants some level of friendship with you. You need to communicate back that you're cool with being just friends.

Accept that this guys isn't going to be the great love of your life and move on. Meet other people and you'll find a new romantic interest soon enough. Good luck. (*8*)
 
The best way to get over an old love and heartache is to find a new love. Concentrate on establishing new friendships and new relationships (relationships with gay men, of course . ;))

I kind of agree with your brother on this except I may not go to the extreme he suggested...I guess it just depends on where your head is at at this point, if you think you'll be able to get over him and if you think there is any hope in hell that you'll be able to salvage your friendship. You do need to distance yourself from the guy as much as possible for the time being, so that you can move on, and so that he doesn't feel stalked. Since you are bound to run into him on campus tho, be pleasant and offer a smile and quick 'hey, how you doing' as you pass on by.

As for facebook, I probably wouldn't delete him if you can control your desires to stalk him, message him, and respond to any of his posts, for awhile. Unfriending him would just send him a message that you don't want to be friends with him, which you do...you just don't want to hold onto the feelings you have for him any longer. Also, I'd write his phone number down, delete it from your phone, put it in a box with a disc of your pics and vids of/with him...tape it shut and store it away, vow not to look at it until you are over him and with someone new. The heartache you feel now will subside and eventually you'll be able to look fondly back at the good times you had with your friend...you may regret losing that stuff. Then again...in awhile, you may find that you have no need for the box of stuff, in which case you can toss it. It's just that right now you are acting on emotions and you don't know if you'll be able to salvage the friendship, especially since you said your impulses and feelings are slowly disappearing.

If there is any chance of salvaging the friendship tho...when you sincerely are over him...you'll have to assure him that you really are over him and are sorry for making it weird between the two of you...who knows? It's not like either of you did anything to the other that you can't get past, once your feelings for him are out of the way.

You will get over him, and at the very least you know now to never allow yourself to fall for someone that is unattainable again.
 
Thank you all so much for the replies. I think the reason it's so hard for me now is not only because I was rejected by him, but also because I lost the friendship. I assume it's a great thing though because then I have no reason to justify feeding my emotions and crave for him.

I guess I'll hold off on the deleting his number, facebook, etc unless things get out of hand.

As for my brother, he's been giving his advice and support for a while now. Same goes for my other siblings and parents. Don't know where I'd be now if they weren't so supportive.

Thanks again for the posts.
 
So while I was having lunch today, that guy that I liked randomly slapped me(a friendly one) on my back saying "Hey Ash", gave me a smile, then before I could fully say "Hey, [insert name]" back, he left. Not trying to over think things, but I thought he was avoiding me lately.. "protecting himself" and whatnot? What followed was all my other friends asking why I never hang out with him anymore. =/ Emotions all over the place now. Guess feelings haven't really died yet.
 
I'm not sure those feelings ever die. They somehow are at the ready and can be reawakened. The real question is what we do with them when they come back to the surface. Make sure you protect yourself. People can change. The thing is that often it's not healthy for us to hang around waiting for that to happen. It seems to be he has a lot of explaining to do if he wants back into your life.

Take care.
 
Seasoned said:
I'm not sure those feelings ever die. They somehow are at the ready and can be reawakened. The real question is what we do with them when they come back to the surface. Make sure you protect yourself. People can change. The thing is that often it's not healthy for us to hang around waiting for that to happen. It seems to be he has a lot of explaining to do if he wants back into your life.

Take care.
Click to expand...

Yeah, I'm not expecting him to ever change back to the old him who hangs out with Ash every day. He probably never will or need to. Who knows? Maybe he's spacing himself to protect me.... yeah, not likely. lol

I just find it really random that he acknowledged my presence for the first time in months. Urgh, stupid bear should just leave the school. x(
 
Haha I'm aware that this is very common. Even The guy that I like liked a few girls but they all end up with other guys instead of him. Thanks for the song. =)
 
The advice from Jaysizzles is as subtle and complete as usual – I especially like the idea with the box.

Don't throw people away, try to keep them even if that means that you must distance yourself from them for a while.
 
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