Should I stop being a square and just have sex already?

[Appleman34]

I'm a bit conflicted.

I made a promise to myself to only have sex when I'm in a relationship. For a couple of reasons. Number one, obviously, diseases. I'd rather have carefree fun with a boyfriend that I trust rather than casual sex with a stranger which will then turn into me spending the next few weeks paranoid, wondering if the condom broke, if the condom didn't work, etc. Number two, a big part of sex for me in the emotional connection. Three, I'm a bit shy with new people. Getting naked in front of a boyfriend is no problem. A stranger though? Not sure I'd be comfortable with it.

On the other side, I'm a very sexual person. I love sex (just only when I'm comfortable). I'm in my early twenties and I'm a college student. I get a few sex offers, but always turn them down. But I feel like I should be young and should be having fun. That's what your twenties are about, right? I want to try new things and push myself out of my comfort zone, but every time I try to convince myself to do it, I run those 3 reasons not to in my head and usually decline the offer. If I don't decline, it's extremely obvious to the guy that I'm uncomfortable and then they don't want to do it anymore.

Should I stop being so paranoid about sex or should I stick to what I'm comfortable with?

 

[BillyT]

Just do it when you feel the time is right. Waiting for that right guy will make all that more special.

 

[Seasoned]

It's important to have these questions answered by you and to not be influenced by others. Usually sex drive takes over and pushes inhibitions aside. Don't do anything you don't want to do, but if you re-read your OP, you will recognize how much romantic fantasy you've been living with. I'm wondering how you get to the partner stage without the awkwardness you're afraid of. That's how two people get to know one another and fall in love.

I'm old enough to be your grandfather and if I were I'd advise you to use your best judgement to take advantage of what life has to offer, including saying yes to sex as long as you feel safe.

Relationships are multi-faceted with sex usually ranked one or two in terms of importance. It would be wise to know your sexual wants and needs and know your compatibility as part of making relationship decisions. Best wishes. Be safe.

 

[xboxfan34]

You and me both, man.

 

[Eagle653]

This is a very personal decision. You've laid out very legitimate reasons for abstaining from sex, and also recognize what is a pretty normal sex drive for a man in his early twenties. But, I don't see them as mutually exclusive choices, either.

I think Seasoned made a very good point above:

I'm wondering how you get to the partner stage without the awkwardness you're afraid of. That's how two people get to know one another and fall in love.

You don't have to jump into bed and have anal intercourse with a stranger or casual acquaintance. But, you can move the line in the sand a bit further by being open to dating and gradual intimacy. I suspect your instincts are honed enough to tell you when to explore a sexual act, and when not to. It's really your call.

I do think, though, that thoughts of "I'm a prude, let's loosen up and get over that" and the other extreme of "I'm saving myself for marriage" are both extreme ends on a long continuum. You have choices somewhere in the middle too.

Good luck--let us know how you're doing.

 

[KaraBulut]

Maybe the issue isn't "I only have sex in a relationship". Maybe the issue is your definition of "relationship"?

There's a lot of gray area between "single" and "married".

 

[xboxfan34]

I've thought for years that I'm just too boring to be gay. I'm still in the mindset of desiring a relationship with a potential boyfriend as opposed to random casual sex, or random casual sex with a guy blossoming into a relationship.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Should I stop being so paranoid about sex or should I stick to what I'm comfortable with?

You should try it all out and stick with what works for you. I found out that monogamous relationships don't work for me.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm going to second Kara up there. What exactly do you mean when you say "relationship."

If you mean dating a few weeks or months before you sleep with him, that's one thing, if you mean fully committed going to the chapel, that's something else entire. SO many guys come through here saying some variation of that virgin bride fantasy, that one would think that would be easy to find - but it isn't. That whole chastity until wed, and the extra-specialness of being with "the one," is pretty much fiction. It's like Santa Claus, you can choose to believe in it if you get something out of it, but don't lose sight of the fact that other guys aren't playing by those rules.

I'm unclear whether you're a virgin or not, if you are, then remember, virginity is only a special as you make it. There is no intrinsic difference between virgin and devirginized. You will be sexually compatible with a number of men you come across, some of those you will not be compatible with relationship-wise - and yeah, there's a huge amount of ground between complete stranger at the gloryhole and Prince Charming on his horse.

Why not just start going out and dating and let things take their course - there is no point worrying about it, it's not like you're a virgin at 65.

 

[truszgold]

No, if you are advocating anonympus sex and bellieve it's OK cause you are in your 20's. I lost a lot of respect for friends over them being cock hounds. They never knew it though. FIRM NO