Should I talk to my Ex

[Dephira]

Last year in March I had a relatively short thing with a guy. Before him, I hadn't even kissed anyone before so he was my first guy, and for about 3 weeks, we hung out and slept over at one of our rooms everyday. Over time, he started telling me that he was falling in love with me and I was also crushing on him pretty hard until I guess he just suddenly got bored of me and started ignoring me from one day to another. We met a couple of times after that still. Those times, he contacted me and I agreed to meet him because I was inexperienced and hadn't gotten over him yet, but I realize now that he obviously wasn't interested at all anymore and just did that for the sex. This last happened in September and we haven't talked since then and he has a new boyfriend now.
It took me a really long time but I managed to slowly forget about him, however for some reason I still haven't completely managed to do it. Most of the time I don't even think about him anymore, but occasionally I start thinking back to him and I get in a really weird mood and can't think of anything else. I don't want to get back together with him at all (even if he were interested and single) because he hurt me pretty bad which is why I don't understand why I can't just check him off as an irrelevant asshole I once had a thing with. It seems to me after some thinking that my main problem is the fact that while he really hurt me, I never got the chance to say anything bad to him; we never talked about what he did and he never even apologized and I feel like I just wanna go up to him and tell him what an asshole he was to me and that he needs to go **** himself. And the more I think about this, the more I actually want to go over to where he lives and tell it to his face. I think that this would help me feel better about it, but at the same time it seems so weak to go back after such a long time and bring it up again. I wish I'd had the courage to tell him all this last year, right after he did it to me, but I didn't and for some reason I feel like I need to tell him now to finally completely get over him... Any advice on the situation, or maybe on other ways how to finally forget him?

 

[KaraBulut]

Honestly?

Move on. It's part of your past.

A lot of your straight peers went through all of this when they started dating back in their mid teens. You started later.

Getting your heart broken is part of the whole dating process. And it's something that you learn from. But as long as you hold on to this, as long as you are looking backward, you're not going to find that one special guy that you should be out there looking for.

Unfortunately, this probably wasn't that consequential for him. He was your first boyfriend and the first relationship where you got hurt. Chance are that- for him- you were just another guy he dated, fooled around with and that he liked you but it didn't work out.

He's moved on.

It's time you moved on, too.

 

[Atzesp]

Yeah, KaraBulut ^ is right - it's part of your past. In fact, YOU know that too, since you yourself said so: "it seems so weak to go back after such a long time and bring it up again".

He's moved on, not in a pleasant way, but he's moved on. It's time for you to do the same thing, and not think about him anymore. By the way, what would change if you went to his home tell him that? You say that it would probably make you feel better, but I think that's just a fool way of seeking "revenge". And it probably won't hurt him. More probably, it will hurt YOU again, once you realize he doesn't care.

Dealing with break ups is not an easy thing to do, but we all have gone through it. And, as long as you keep thinking about him, you won't open yourself to new possibilities. So, it's not an easy task, but try harder to forget him.

And take it from the point that, at least, you know now how things shall not be.

 

[future_retro]

I don't see anything to be gained from this. He sounds like an asshole, and nothing you can say will change that. As for yourself, there's no guarantee you will feel satisfaction/closure from telling him how much he hurt you. It could make things worse. He could react really nonchalantly, which could make it more painful. He could even say something hurtful, which could make it worse.

I'd move on, and put my energy into other things. Like finding a better boyfriend.

All the best to you.

 

[Seasoned]

This isn't meant to be snotty, so please don't take it as such. You are getting some kind of payoff by staying this mad, sad and angry and it is doing nothing positive for you. You want him to hurt, but if you do this you will look like a lunatic and if the police are called you will be the one carted away.

Someone broke your trust and you are rightfully pissed. I never jump on the bandwagon of calling someone's ex and asshole. You have all your possessions, all your body parts and sometime shortly before things went south I'm sure you told him you loved him.

There are a bunch of things we have to remember about love. Since there is really no good definition of love there is no way to know that when I tell you I love you it means the same thing when you tell me you love me. Not everyone is capable of giving and/or accepting love. Some people are so afraid of abandonment that the bolt before being left. Sometimes we might be someone's rebound relationship. Some people will say stuff simply not to be alone at night. Infatuation is sometimes confused for love. The more we pine for someone who wasn't around long or didn't treat us particularly well, the more we need self help to keep us out of the same spot next time. Actions ALWAYS mean more than words. PERIOD. If we gave up seeing family and friends either because we wanted to or were told to, we are in an unhealthy relationship. If we cry more than laugh we are in an unhealthy relationship. If we ignore signs, flaws and the way we are treated because the sex is so great we are in an unhealthy relationship. If the "rules" are different for you than they ate for him it's an unhealthy relationship. If you usually feel alone while in a relationship you are with the wrong guy.

The story never ends with riding into the sunset; that is where a real love story begins.

The hurt is horrendous and unfair, but it's temporary if you are willing to find healthy activities to take its place. I wish we were coffee buds so I could learn of your progress from month to month. Take sweet care of yourself. Don't be afraid to get a massage.

 

[dhchitown1984]

Disappoint is a part of dating. I've said that before on this forum, and I'll say it again.

I'm truly sorry that you had your heart broken. But as you said, it's behind you. Accept the fact that the past can't be changed, forgive it, and move on. You'll be sitting their with blinders on missing all the great guys that go by. You'll be disappointed again, it's part of dating. And you'll be the one to disappoint someone I'm sure. The only way to keep moving forward is to keep looking ahead.

 

[braex27]

I have to agree with what's been said - as much as you'd like to be able to tell him to his face what an absolute a-hole he was, I don't think it'd make a difference. People like that won't take anything you've said into consideration, and I think that sort of confrontation will make you feel even worse.

It's annoying - yes - you are angry and hurt - yes - and you are perfectly entitled to but give it some more time. Go out, meet new and better people - and very soon you'll wonder why you were ever so hung up at all.

 

[genthree]

Learn one thing, when a relationship breaks up, shake hands and walk away.