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Should I Tell Her He Cheated?

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Revan46

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I know the answer is somewhat obvious here (no) but I still wonder peoples opinions. Two years ago I hooked up with an old friend who I had been experimenting with for several years, he often gave me oral (despite claiming to be straight all those years, even after I orgasmed in his mouth the final time we had gotten together and he swallowed) and helped me figure out who I am. We as I said hooked up two years ago, it was such a great time, and more or less let me finish what I needed to in a way with him because we went all the way that night (him topping me). My concern though is afterwards he told me he had a girlfriend and a child on the way. This pissed me off obviously because he failed to tell me this before, and at the time while infuriated I still thought, well it's not as if I know the girl. As much as I should inform her, I will never know or meet her so really I should just let it go. Things happen. Done.

Wrong.

The girl is on my freaking Facebook. I see pictures of her and him together with their daughter. I see posts about him from her. And perhaps yes, maybe I am a little jealous because he was my first time for everything but anal sex and so it obviously just he in a way meant a lot to me. I know I still shouldn't tell her, plus I don't know if him and I that day was indeed just a one time thing and that he's not perhaps sleeping with other men behind her back. Is it something I should inform her of (please note we're not best friends, honestly more acquaintances but obviously again the repercussions far outweigh the moral sense of telling her). I realize I've more or less answered my question but I would definitely like a person or peoples opinions regarding this matter.
 
Although it is morally the right thing for him to be caught for his infidelities, it is not your place in this situation to do so. I have a feeling this guy is going to get caught with his pants down from having sex with some other guy in the future.

You did nothing wrong because he did not tell you until after the fact. Just avoid doing anything with him again in the future. If he tries to make a move on you, put your foot down.

Right now, it's about doing the right thing for yourself. As for your friend, hopefully he'll have the decency to tell her about his past (and maybe he has and they've worked through it) or at least never cheat on her again.

I recommend blocking his status updates so you can avoid seeing his updates on Facebook with his family since it upsets you. Just move on.
 
Honestly you shouldn't think about the girl but more about their child and the effect something like this could have on her. You should just move on and enjoy the memory
.it really isn't worth it
 
^ great advice...both of them.

Learn from this experience and ask people their relationship status first before hooking up so you wouldn't have to repeat this episode again.
 
maybe I am a little jealous
Click to expand...

There's your answer.

Telling her serves no purpose. If he cheated on her with you, he's probably cheated on her with others. She'll find out sooner or later - hopefully.
 
Just_Believe18 said:
Although it is morally the right thing for him to be caught for his infidelities, it is not your place in this situation to do so. I have a feeling this guy is going to get caught with his pants down from having sex with some other guy in the future.

You did nothing wrong because he did not tell you until after the fact. Just avoid doing anything with him again in the future. If he tries to make a move on you, put your foot down.

Right now, it's about doing the right thing for yourself. As for your friend, hopefully he'll have the decency to tell her about his past (and maybe he has and they've worked through it) or at least never cheat on her again.

I recommend blocking his status updates so you can avoid seeing his updates on Facebook with his family since it upsets you. Just move on.
Click to expand...

It's actually her not him that I have on Facebook and see status updates and pics of. But I'm not sure it's fair to her for me to block her. I mean sure we never even chat anyway on FB so probably wouldn't even notice but she might, it's hard to say.
 
If anything what I'd suggest doing is speaking to him, in person so you don't leave a print trail, and tell him that you hope he's stopped sleeping with other men or women behind his wives back. And then tell him you respect his privacy and won't be involved further.

He could lie to you but then again maybe he won't. And you never know, maybe she knows and is ok with it. I've seen weirder.
 
hi Revan46,

I was wondering if you have any idea if your 'old friend' and his girlfriend have an 'open relationship' with each other (meaning that he is allowed to play with you as well), or not. You don't provide us with this kind of information.

I mean, when both are allowed to have sex with other people as well, then there is nothing wrong (in a moral sense, and seen from their viewpoint).

So you have good and sweet memories towards the time spend together with your old friend, and this has even helped you to accept you who you are (= a proud gay man). I would not bother too much about what your 'old friend' is doing right now. That's his business, and it seems to me (am I right?) that he is currently not one of your good friends?

So are you open on Facebook (meaning that this girl is aware that you are gay)? I tend to advise you that you should block her on Facebook. That seems the best way to avoid checking her updates (and so on). Especially when you are sure you will never contact her through facebook.

Yeah, you are a bit jealous, but that's a very normal reaction. You have not done anything wrong, and I am not sure about his position.

So what's wrong when her child will -later- know that you once were a very good friend / a close friend of his dad?

Why should it be unfair for her that you block her on Facebook? Do you happen to have some sort of work-related relationship with her?

Anyway, good luck, keep the good memories, and no need to tell her what you have done with your 'old friend'.

Best wishes & good luck.
 
Thanks Gano. No I don't believe they have an open relationship as far as I'm aware. I'll do as you suggested. Thanks again guys for the advice, I appreciate it.
 
I suggest you avoid it altogether.
Some problems aren't worth being associated with as they seldom turn out happily for anyone involved.
And I think you can choose to block status updates from certain friends in FB without unfriending them. I use it to stop the people who 'like' every freebie that comes along.
 
If the situation were different- if the girlfriend were your friend and he had cheated with someone other than you- it might be something to consider.

But given the situation- that he seems to have moved on and your interference could affect the future of his relationship with his child- it's better to leave it alone.

You should, however, consider defriending him in FaceBook since the pictures seem to be bothering you.
 
Move on and let it go. Every functioning adult is responsible for themselves. It's time to stop looking at picture updates.
 
It is none of your business at this point. It was a long time ago, and you didn't speak then. If you do so now, it could ruin his relationship, and serve no other purpose.

Not to mention it would be outing him. Because, let's face it - a guy who hooks up multiple times with another guy, sucks him off and fucks him is NOT straight. However, he's chosen to live a straight life. He might never come out, or he might do so in the future, but that's his business, not yours. Nobody should decide when it's time for someone else to be out.

Also, just because he cheated once upon a time - before his child was born I should add - doesn't mean he still does it now. He might be perfectly dedicated to his relationship.


All in all I'll repeat what the others said - move on with your life and forget about him. If you should take anything from this story, it's that there are WAY too many reasons NOT to get involved with closeted or "confused" or (I say this laughingly) "straight" guys.
 
Do you want to be in the middle of a horrible drama? Say nothing.
 
The solution to get over your jealousy is to move on and find another man and live a full life.

You know...in the end, his cheating way will come back and bite him in the ass. Karma is a BITCH!
 
Oh man, since all the selfless advice has been given - here's the selfish. If she already knows she's going to be annoyed with you for bringing it up. If she doesn't you get the shit storm - and far WORSE than that, she probably won't believe you, and he'll lie to cover up.

Why do I say that? Because I lived it. I told her, he said I lied, she backed him up (why? who knows, probably because she didn't want to believe me - and here's the kicker - I was already with him when he started going out with her - aaahhh the fond memories of the closet)

I came out of that looking like the jealous, spiteful, dishonest faggot, even though he was the cheater, and she was the dupe.
 
You can block status updates without blocking the person. When you see a status update from her, just click on the tab to the right of the update and it will create a drop down menu that will allow you to block status updates from showing up on your wall. She won't notice it at all.
 
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