Should I tell my best friend that his girlfriend has had two abortions?

[star-warrior]

OK, I have a question then. If you had a friend who was straight and was dating a women and you happened to find out she used to be a man and never told him, and they started taking the relationship very seriously, would you tell him?

Isn't that her decision to make whether she tells him or not?

Just like you deciding to tell your mate when you were ready, not not having to be outed by someone interested in the gossip value?

The answer is, no. I wouldn't say a word.

Besides, if the sex change was successful and she lives as a woman, I'm sure he fell in love with her as she now is, not because of what she was in her early years.

 

[Rex]

Even though I'm still against abortion, I guess I should try to look at things from someone else's perspective. Maybe I have some bad qualities but I know I'm a good person.

 

[Asenath]

Even though I'm still against abortion, I guess I should try to look at things from someone else's perspective. Maybe I have some bad qualities but I know I'm a good person.

Jury's still out on that one, sorry to say.

 

[metta]

It would be unethical and probably illegal for you to talk about someone elses medical records, even if it involves your best friend. That is really her business, not yours. I can't believe that you would consider telling someone else.

 

[Rex]

Well this thread has made me reevaluate myself in a way. I don't think I'm a bad person but I know this probably makes me look like one.

I'm sure you can all see this is wrong to share information like that but you can see the desire to do so. Especially if it involves someone you're close friends with.

 

[metta]

^
I don't think that anyone thinks your a bad person. It is not really about being a good or bad person. A lot of things in life are not so black and white.

 

[lambdaboy]

Does your str8 friend know your gay? Either way it is her business to tell him what happened in the past if she wants to its none of your business at all!

 

[levenshulme31]

The fact that you posted this thread in the first place suggests you are way too immature to be in your chosen profession. If you cannot trust yourself round medical records, get the fuck out of the job before you damage yourself and, more importantly, others.

I might have some sympathy for your "dilemma" had you posted it as a hypothetical question, but the fact that you have posted so much detail on a public forum when it is quite clear that the real reson you feel the need to tell your (soon-to-be-ex) best friend is because you cannot accept the fact that he has a new partner in his life and that you feel neglected. I'm sorry for you on that score but as has been said before, that's what happens in life. Friends come and go. People grow up and move on with their lives and we don't always get to remain in the picture even if we'd like to.

What did you possibly think you could achieve by telling him?
Had you given that even a moment's thought, you should probably come to the conclusion that either way you end up the loser, probably on many different levels.

 

[MadisonAubie]

Of course all this happened before he ever knew her and I don't know if he's aware of this. My guess is he isn't because I feel like he would have mentioned it to me because he usually tells me everything that's on his mind.

A part of me feels like I should tell him but another part of me feels like it's none of my business and it might cause him to think differently of her and hurt their relationship.

What do you think?

Have you considered what it might do to your relationship with him if he does know and you tell him? If she has told him this, it's probably something he wouldn't share with anyone else, including you. Do you tell him everything about the people you have relationships with? One of the worst thing a person can do is start interfering in a friend's personal relationships.

If it worries you that much, perhaps you should ask her if she has told him, before approaching him with something she may have already told him, or is waiting until the right time to tell him. Don't risk breaking up his relationship, and your friendship, over something you aren't sure of.

 

[Rex]

Does your str8 friend know your gay? Either way it is her business to tell him what happened in the past if she wants to its none of your business at all!

I'm bi, and yes he knows. I've told him.

and thanks Hardup, that means a lot. Everyone does things that are wrong, it's just that I aired my dirty laundry on here but I'm sure most of the people criticizing have done things they aren't proud of too.

 

[Soilwork]

Sultan you've grown a lot in two pages... Don't fall back on the "well at least I'm not ______" or "everyone else has______" justification.

Yes, many of us have done things we're not proud of. I once bought a Britney Spears single.

My point is that this is a great teachable moment for you. For a lot of people who come to JUB.

When we try to hold ourselves to unattainable standards and shit talk others for not reaching the same unreachable heights, instead of trying to inprove ourselves, we instead tear down others. It's a way of saying, "well I can't be perfect on this scale I've invented for myself but at least I'm not _____"

And that's no way to go through live.

No, you're not a bad person. Just try to live in a way that makes you proud of yourself and judge yourself by comparing yourself now to what you have been... Not what other people are.

 

[StlKj]

Pay attention to what people are criticizing you for, Sultan--your actions. What you've been doing by looking at others' medical records is wrong, and contemplating using that information in any way is wrong. It's really one of the greatest privacy violations we have in our society.

And here's another reason why it's wrong--look at what it has done to you. You crossed an ethical line, and the information you have has left you with a dilemma where you considered crossing another one. That's what such behavior does; it keeps pulling you in a direction you shouldn't travel, and once you reach your destination, you've lost whatever integrity you once had.

I will give you credit for something--you came here to seek advice. It was bone-headed to look at her records. It was bone-headed to consider for a moment violating her privacy. It was even bone-headed to come on here and give us too much information. However, at the very least, you were torn between two actions; you knew what you were contemplating was wrong, so you sought advice. Next time, do better.

I think you've shown a lot of growth in your time here at JUB. You're still dangerous, but if you truly learn from this, at least there's hope.

 

[Skittles075]

Absolutely not! What she does with her body is her business, not yours, or your friends.

 

[pohbear]

i agree ! what else is there left to say.

 

[Soilwork]

I disagree with Jasun. I don't think you've grown because I still see you blaming others for your actions.*

Sadly, you're right.

I think he did grow but I saw him rolling back.

Self realization is a jagged little pill to swallow.*

I know, I've done it.

You see where you fucked up and the temptation is still to say "oh yeah, well you _____"

(in my case they say "make porn." And by "they" I mean "Sultan.")

Knowing that you're out of line is step one in growing to be a better person. I've done it a few times and probably need to do it more. Let's encourage him.*

 

[jmadaf]

If it happened before they met, it is none of your business, but if she terminates one of his, he has a right to know.

 

[metta]

^
But it is still illegal and unethical to share someone's medical information without their permission. Confidentiality of medical information is a serious issue. I think someone who does that in a work environment should lose their job and should have to go to court

 

[rareboy]

You started out sounding like an asshat.

Some people see growth.

I see you being stalked from here on in by Jayqueer. Which you deserve.

 

[fetaby]

Despite the severity of the issue and the transgression here, any honest JUBBER will admit that about half the board has done worse, and many at ages more mature than Sultan's.

Oh yeah? Then let's start with you...

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A_psRb5AtpI[/ame]

 

[StlKj]

Actually, now that people have had a chance to weigh in and hopefully stop him from revealing what he knows, he should request this thread be removed, considering the severe consequences he could face for violating people's privacy just by looking at their records. What he's admitted to and revealed about this young woman could come back to haunt him (and her) if anyone ever figures out who he (or she) is outside of here.