Should I tell my friend I love him?

[RickyUK]

I know what you're going through.

Does he know you're gay? In any case, it seems clear to me you won't let this go. Who would, when you're in love?... Better fail early than fail late. So this needs a little stragedy!

I would approach it a bit delicately. I probably wouldn't tell it directly, but rather, tah dah!, indirectly.

How?

You mentioned he had a gay friend. Why don't you chat his gay friend up and try to explain the situation with you and your crush? Let his gay friend break the news about you having a crush on the straight guy? Maybe set it up? It seems a bit convoluted, I know. But at least you made it slightly more subtle. At least, if the straight guy says he's not interested, he won't have that awkward situation of telling you himself. You're basically texting each other, with the gay guy acting as your cellphone. Does this make sense? Of course, if the gay guy has a crush on him too, then you might get screwed.

"I can neither confirm nor deny this." #NSAPickupLines

"I bet you're tired of guys who only pretend to listen." #NSAPickUpLines

Thanks Bruce. I agree with you to end this sooner rather than later.
The problem with using his gay friend is that we're not that close. He's not that nice to me! Although I don't think he likes this straight friend too.

The straight friend isn't some super hunk and I'm not attracted to him sexually that much. It's almost totally an emotional attraction which is harder to control. He's kinda cute (unconventionally) but I mainly like the fact he's such a nice person.

But if I tell him I tell him I don't expect him to like me and I give him space afterwards, it won't be that awkward right? So I won't need to use his gay friend.

 

[bruce379]

Then take him aside and chat him up. Ask him out for a drink and spill the beans there. No need for the gay guy.

 

[RickyUK]

Reply to Beau:

Ok. I agree with you that I'm at least starting to get feelings back for him.

I'd just like to get some things clear: I'm well aware that it'll weird him out even if he's not a homophobe (btw he's not just not a homophobe - he's usually quiet but is a suprisingly loud promoter of gay rights (prob thabks to his gay friend)). Anyway I'm prepared to accept him almost alienating me because our relationship has currently become very awkward anyway. He might even know I have/used to have feelings for him.

Secondly, I don't want "his cock". I have this great feeling for him but it is hardly sexual. It is romantic infatuation - but obviously unhealthily and obsessively romantic. I just couldn't at all think of him in a sexual way until I was over him... which is weird/interesting.

Thirdly, if I tell him my (former) feelings and he explicitly rejects me, I won't 'moan' about it (unless he does something else really terrible) because I won't be able to keep dwelling "What if he WAS gay" or "What if I'd said something". And that's what I want.

Fourthly, I agree that distance from him is the best option. But that doesn't work well when I see him nearly everyday. It worked over the holiday but it came back now I've started seeing him again (but definitely to a lesser extent.)

Do you generally think it will damage/stress him out though? I mean it's just a (dead) crush to him.

I like your last sentence Beau. Maybe you're right. But I only want it because at the moment it seems like the best option.

 

[RickyUK]

Then take him aside and chat him up. Ask him out for a drink and spill the beans there. No need for the gay guy.

Yeah ok. I'll try to be as casual about it as possible.

 

[TX-Beau]

Reply to Beau:

Ok. I agree with you that I'm at least starting to get feelings back for him.

I'd just like to get some things clear: I'm well aware that it'll weird him out even if he's not a homophobe (btw he's not just not a homophobe - he's usually quiet but is a suprisingly loud promoter of gay rights (prob thabks to his gay friend)). Anyway I'm prepared to accept him almost alienating me because our relationship has currently become very awkward anyway. He might even know I have/used to have feelings for him.

Secondly, I don't want "his cock". I have this great feeling for him but it is hardly sexual. It is romantic infatuation - but obviously unhealthily and obsessively romantic. I just couldn't at all think of him in a sexual way until I was over him... which is weird/interesting.

Thirdly, if I tell him my (former) feelings and he explicitly rejects me, I won't 'moan' about it (unless he does something else really terrible) because I won't be able to keep dwelling "What if he WAS gay" or "What if I'd said something". And that's what I want.

Fourthly, I agree that distance from him is the best option. But that doesn't work well when I see him nearly everyday. It worked over the holiday but it came back now I've started seeing him again (but definitely to a lesser extent.)

Do you generally think it will damage/stress him out though? I mean it's just a (dead) crush to him.

I like your last sentence Beau. Maybe you're right. But I only want it because at the moment it seems like the best option.

(emphasis mine)

See this is the problem. If it's just a "dead crush," why are you obsessing over bringing it up to him? It's dead right? What possible reason therefore could there be to resurrect it and push it on someone else?

WHY?

Best option for what? Getting it out of your system? But wait, it's a "dead crush?"

If you really have this overriding need to tell him, something else is going on. Everything you're saying sounds like a justification for feelings you aren't admitting you have. There is no reason to be obsessing about a straight guy you're no longer crushing on, that you're over, that you feel nothing but friendship for, no reason to tell this guy you DID once have a crush on him, what purpose could that possibly serve? Give him a good chuckle?

WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO DO THIS?

 

[RickyUK]

(emphasis mine)

See this is the problem. If it's just a "dead crush," why are you obsessing over bringing it up to him? It's dead right? What possible reason therefore could there be to resurrect it and push it on someone else?

WHY?

Best option for what? Getting it out of your system? But wait, it's a "dead crush?"

If you really have this overriding need to tell him, something else is going on. Everything you're saying sounds like a justification for feelings you aren't admitting you have. There is no reason to be obsessing about a straight guy you're no longer crushing on, that you're over, that you feel nothing but friendship for, no reason to tell this guy you DID once have a crush on him, what purpose could that possibly serve? Give him a good chuckle?

WHY ARE YOU SO DETERMINED TO DO THIS?

Ok good point. I should have explained this better. But I put the 'dead' in brackets because in reality the crush is not completely dead (anymore).
But to make things less weird for him I'll say that it is completely over, because I think that after I tell him and have no reason to think about it I will be able to get completely rid of this attraction.

 

[deathbylemons]

I think you still have some form of feelings for him and would like to see if there's a chance? If not I don't think you would actually tell him. I know I wouldn't because then I wouldn't care if he would like me too or not.

But anyway, since you want to tell him, go for it. I doubt it will affect both of you that much. Probably. I mean he has a gay friend, so he wouldn't be so creeped out if you told him you liked him. Probably shocked if he hadn't already known. But it might get a little awkward initially at first though.
I've been through this with a friend before. So I kinda know how it is, but she was my best friend and I didn't mind it too much because she said it was over... so... yea... your case might be slightly different.

 

[RickyUK]

Thanks everyone!
Most of you will be pleased to hear that I've decided not to tell him (unless he brings it up which is unlikely)/
I was probably going through some stupid weak lonely period for a few weeks but I've ended my feelings for him (again?).

Anyway thanks for all your advice. If you didn't say something I know I would have told him immediately.

Cheers

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm glad yo came to your senses. Good luck to you.