Should I Tell My Roommate?

[curboi321]

Im moving to California this Janurary with the intention of starting my life over the way that I want to (this time with no lying and hiding who i am) but im afraid to take that final step to admitting that im attracted to guys. I already got a roommate and he seems pretty cool but when he asked me if I was straight I said yeah instead of telling him the truth which is I really don't know and im moving to figure it out. We kinda brushed the subject of gay people which he said he has some bi friends but not many and some of the things he said makes me think he would be okay with it like when he said he thinks its okay for some guys to be curious and whatnot but other things he said makes me worry like he doesn't want to be around flamboyant guys(which im not anyway) but he would rather them be in the closet and act straight or he wouldnt want to hang around them. We didn't sign a promissary note or anything and im afraid if i tell him about me that he might not want to share his studio with me and then im be stuck in la homeless. What should i do?

 

[Ramindra]

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive....

I think you should fess up. Better to tell him now than to have him find out later.

 

[backpacker]

You say you want to start with a clean slate and no hiding, therefore you should tell him. If you are really not sure if you are gay, you could tell him that you are bi. If he has a problem with it, then you are better off not living with him. Just imagine how hard it will be to explore with guys if you have to be hiding it from your roommate. There are plenty of roommate opportunities. If this one doesn't work out, maybe you should explore having a gay roommate. That would certainly take away the awkwardness of bringing a guy home.

 

[flamingbunny3606]

My advice, secrets hurt. You will feel so much better when you don't have to hide it anymore. If he doesn't accept you for who you are then fuck him, why are you willing to put yourself through hell just to please him? Trust me, when I came out I did lose some people who I thought were my friends, but the people who matter and who are worth caring about are the ones who accept you for who you are. It may not be easy but it gets easier trust me, and I felt like I lost everything when I came out, my father is dead, my mother refuses to accept that she has a gay son and I pretty much got ostracized from my family on my mother's and my father's side. But at the end of the day, I would do it again because nothing they can say or do to me is worse then what I was doing to myself by hiding it, secrets hurt, believe me. Best of luck man.

 

[KaraBulut]

The reason that you've posted here is that you know you weren't honest and that wasn't the right thing to do.

So, fix it.

 

[curboi321]

thanks for ur replies i know i should tell him and im pretty sure he'll be okay with it but i dont know for sure and his studio is pretty small so it would be kinda hard to avoid him if i had to i just wanna make the right decision.

 

[zeus007]

that's an issue you come across when you are in the primary stages of self-exploration. I had to make that decision many times so far bacause i was a student for nearly 10 years and adressing people of various ages both when i was undergarduate and after as postgraduate. I never had less than 5 housemates, and variety in the way the gay issue was faced and handled. So i know how difficult it is for you right now. Sometimes i said them, more i didnt. When I did I chose people who I regarded as trustfull and understanding. Let's be pesimistic and see the worst case scenario: 1. You moved away to be free but yet again you arent, if you wont say. 2. The guy is one that he is afraid to be roommates with a gay or even a bi because he thinks that people will say that he is gay/bi too...

 

[curboi321]

I finally told my roommate I was attracted to guys but things didn't go like I thought they would they actually went better! It all happened on my second night staying with him and to make a long story short after I told him about me we started watching porn and ended up giving each other handjobs it was the first time i ever went that far and it was great but what was weird about it is that he wasn't nervous at all unlike me who was nervous enough for the both of us. While we were watching porn he had his dick out going to town I couldn't believe this was happening at least so fast but i started jacking off in my pants and he looked over and said he wanted to see it but i was still too scared which is when he reached over and took my dick out of my pants and started jacking me off it felt alot better than I thought it would and he even layed his head on my shoulder while he jacked me off i must've asked him like twenty time if he ever did this with anyone else cause he was so comfortable with it but he told me i the first. Well anyway after a while he cums but i told him i couldn't follow cause i was still to nervous so he cleaned up and gave me a back massage instead.
We talked for a little bit and i asked him if he thinks what we did was gay and he said not at all because all we did was jack off and it would've only be gay if we went any further he even tried to tell me that having sex with guys would be wrong and how i should resist by doing other things like praying and reading the bible(he's christian) he told me how he had a porn addiction and once he gave it up to God he didn't want to watch it anymore he didnt even watch much of the porno that was playing while we were doing u know what and he told me the same may work for me and to try it for a month and if it doesn't work then he would do anything i wanted to sexually. I still haven't taken the bet yet and I don't know if I will but I do want to experiment more with him I just don't want it to get weird between us cause right now everything is the same except he's alot more "touchy" now well alright im done I know it was pretty long so what do u guys think I should do from here? Either lay off and find someone else to experiment with or try to pursue things with him more by taking his bet which i already told him he would lose cause i know this isn't going to go away. thanks for reading.

 

[NAVYBOI]

i would suggest you leave him alone becaue he is your roommate.

 

[Lube]

Well, the first thing you should do is learn how to use a period and the "Enter" key on your keyboard.

Next, realize that your roommate is a total closet case (and basket case!). He is gayer than Liberace, he's just in denial.

Be forewarned: guys in denial are tough to deal with. You've got a lot of trouble on your hands. But remember that you didn't do anything wrong. His troubles are his own; you didn't create them.

I would avoid him. Not because he's your roommate, but because he hasn't accepted himself and it may be a while before he does.

 

[zeus007]

Well, the first thing you should do is learn how to use a period and the "Enter" key on your keyboard.

Next, realize that your roommate is a total closet case (and basket case!). He is gayer than Liberace, he's just in denial.

Be forewarned: guys in denial are tough to deal with. You've got a lot of trouble on your hands. But remember that you didn't do anything wrong. His troubles are his own; you didn't create them.

I would avoid him. Not because he's your roommate, but because he hasn't accepted himself and it may be a while before he does.

I agree with this, i have also followed this advice in a similar to your case situation but discretely i was making him jealous...Eventually he was out in a very strange way to me only, and only because he didnt want me to ''experiment'' with the wrong guys, but with the right ones, such was he...