Should I tell them?

[gdude30]

..Man..

I'm in a real fucking dilemna right now.

Before I left college and after I shortly before I came out of the closet and a little afterwards I met some people sometimes or went to places without honestly telling my parents where I was. After I came out of the closet I felt a little better and told them how I had already met someone and how we were close to dating you could say. Then after time passed and after that did not work out I began going out again. When I told my dad where I was going. Well both of them were scared to death. And asked all kinds of necessary and some where unnecessary questions. And then after coming home they'd ask everything I did and with this one guy I met we really only went to a place for dinner then pretty kissed some in a hotel. While I was hoping for anal it did not happen but I was fine with that. But they were both shocked as hell and told me how I shouldn't be having sex with people like that..yes to them kissing is sex.

And one of my dad's told me that if I ever catch something then he'll kill himself. I could tell he was somewhat serious when he said this. Cause one of my dad's is very fearful of the world and everything in it and somewhat denial about things that go on in this world his true fear showed that night. For some reason I could tell that wasn't that only time that he's even though about something like that before. But who knows.

So I eventually got tired of both of them getting on my case but on of them did starten to light up. So then I'd tell my parents about how i was going somewhere but really I was seeing someone. I messed up once and while I told my dad I was at the marta station and really not. He caught me and left me a message cause I was ignoring his calls about how marta station doesn't run anymore and if I'm not home by the time he gets home then I am in big trouble. Well I was anyways. So while I did get home before he did I got caught and I told him how I was really out with someone.

A few days later I made a pact with my dad that I'd never lie to him again. I told him, "Okay I'll try not to." And he told me that an answer like that isn't good enough for him and that i have to promise him I'll never lie to him again. And I had no choice but to promise that.

And I did not lie after that. Even when I was in college when i was failing, when I was sort of breaking down I let him know that i was trying to solve it and not pretending that everything is fine because that's what I used to do.

And even when I got back home I haven't lied and I've been honest. But the urge to dive into the realms of the Slave and Master Scene has been to much for me to ignore and I've somewhat pursued it. But even when searching for a master I did not lie to my parents cause I really did go to where I said I was going but it's just later I went somewhere else. But after realizing that I'm not yet ready for a master and that I really need to somewhat observe the lifestyle more and learn about it I gave up my search for a master.

But recently at a gay Slave and Master Social group I met both a slave and master and they've allowed me to observe their lifestyle and I am learning so much by spending time with them. I have not had sex with them nor is there any pressure or obligation to which is probably what I like the most. I don't even know if they'll train me.

But recently whenever I meet them I tell my parents I am going to do one thing but end up spending time with them first and then doing what I said I was doing. It seems that the pattern I started slowly after i got back is getting worse and worse.

It started with me doing what I said first and then doing something else. Nothign wrong with that. But then again Sir did help me by drive me around and help me find places that are hiring since I'm still looking for a job.

But saying I'm gonna do one thing and doing it after I meet them.

That's not what they meant. While I don't have to tell my parents I am involved with a master and slave couple and looking to submerge myself in that lifestyle one day and find a master. I do have a right to some privacy.

But that doesn't mean I have to be deceitful and trying to cover up the truth.

Because maybe in some ways I'm partially lying. It's somewhat sad that I can't even tell my parents about them because of the questions I fear that they will ask.

And even though one of my dad's is accepting the other isn't as.

But after all Sir and Slave have done for me. And dropping me off at the bus station and inviting me into their home. Is it really right for me to not even tell my parents about them.

And even though I stopped what could have been a troublesome situation tomorrow if I continue down this path it will eventually lead to no good. Because I wasn't really lying before Sir and Slave did not comment on it. But now that I am talking about helping Slave do some work around the house in the afternoon and then coming home and going to dinner with them once my parents leave for the night. I guess that's too deceitful and they decided to put their foot down and said I have a choice to make.

I've stopped hook ups and sex altogether. And I've stopped seeing or making friends cause of the fear of my parents prying into my life. Is that really right for me to give that up just cause of them. Even if I will get my license soon.

I can't deny myself a life of my own and freedom for myself because of them. But then again I cannot deny them the truth. I don't have to tell them EVERYTHING I DO. But they should at least know I am going to help my friends do some work around the house tomorrow and then go out to dinner. But that would imply that I've already been there before and then they'd find out that I have sort of lied to them before which might ultimately lead to me not being able to go over.

But I guess that's the only way I can attone for lying. I might have stopped it before it got too bad and prevented a panic attack. But I did not stop the consequences for what I already did. I might very well have to tell them.

But it's not fair to these guys who are helping me out and who might very well help me grow some more.

My parents already stopped the growth once back in Gay Days. But if they are gonna do it this time. Then I'll at least deserve it this time.

And I won't give up on them. Even if I can't see them for a while after the truth gets out. That won't be forever.

But it's not fair to anyone, including myself, to have to lie about where I am and then going there later on.

I just hope I can find the right words to say.

Cause tomorrow I am gonna say something.

Maybe I'll say, "Is it okay if I hang out some friends I met at one of the parties I went to and then go out to dinner later on."

No. That's probably not the right way to say it. But close.

I just don't know how I should say it..

But I know I gotta say it.

But if I can just figure out how to say it even if I have to let my parents know that before I really have already been to their house and that kinda thing then I'll do that.

But I just can't find the right words to say. I can never really convey what I want to say and make it sound like I mean it.

I hate posting in here because people say I'm fucked up and need therapy. But I know that I won't always be like this and it just brings me one step closer to transformation.

 

[josher]

gdude, I have nothing against the S&M scene, but please, please believe me: you are not mature enough nor stable enough to get involved in this.

Your dads know you and they're trying to keep you from getting yourself hurt.

I realize you don't want to hear that you need therapy, but you do.

You seem like a very nice guy, and from what I read about the JUB meets you went to, everyone liked you.

But you have some emotional health issues you will only be able to work out with counseling.

Good luck to you. Don't jeopardize your health or your relationship with your dads.

 

[gdude30]

gdude, I have nothing against the S&M scene, but please, please believe me: you are not mature enough nor stable enough to get involved in this.

Your dads know you and they're trying to keep you from getting yourself hurt.

I realize you don't want to hear that you need therapy, but you do.

You seem like a very nice guy, and from what I read about the JUB meets you went to, everyone liked you.

But you have some emotional health issues you will only be able to work out with counseling.

Good luck to you. Don't jeopardize your health or your relationship with your dads.

Oh I agree. But I'm talking about Master and Slave scene. Not the BSDM or Sadism and Masochism scene. Those are both WAY out of my league.

They do to a certain extent. One of them seems to more then the other and I think he trusts me a little more and wants to give me a little more freedom then the other does.

I've done it before though. And while it did help therapy can't give you all the answers to your life.

Unfortunately..I really have been thinking way too much and it is dangerous to do that. But each day I get out and look for a job or hang out with friends gets the thinking back to the normal amount of thinking I do.

Haha..well I wouldn't say everyone.

Nah emotional issues are resolved. Mental health issues are getting resolved as I grow. I've done alot with counseling and it's helped alot. But counseling can't solve everything. And people who think that "you need more counseling", "Oh keep going back and try some more".

You are gonna run your freaking wallet dry and then have a new mess of problems once you're broke.

I've gotten all I can out of them. And while I've gotten alot of guides and people who have given me advice. It's going to get to a point where I have to decide what's not right me and realize that what others do might not be right for me.

I won't jeapordize my relationship with my fathers. I will try to let them into my life a little more but with caution.

I somewhat regret posting this.

But at least I put in some effort to find a solution.

But after hearing a position a friend of mine is in. Hell like I should even worry about something like this. If they reject it then I'll find another way.

So now that it's decided that I am going to tell them I just gotta figure out how to do it. But I should go to bed though. That is one thing I do need to start doing is going to be earlier. But then again. Without a job and nothing to really do sometimes there is really no reason to go to bed. I'm just in a funk right now. But I'll get through it.

And I am exploring the realms of slave and master scene in the safest way by befriending a couple who expects nothing from me and by observing and learning of their lifestyle.

I know what I'm doing to a certain extent. But how to explain it or make people realize that it's not as insane as they might think it to be is another story.

I think I'll feel alot better once I let them know I have new friends who I am hanging out with who have my best interest at hand.

I'll focus a little on what I should say tonight then tomorrow and then say something.

..Thank you for responding josher. I do need to remember that they care about me. That slips sometimes I guess.

 

[manofsummer]

I didn't quite get the question. Are you asking if you should tell your parents about your S&M tendencies? If that's the question, than my answer is: no, you shouldn't, that's something private. Your parents sound great, and I think you should be very honest with them, but not to the point of telling them what you like to do in bed.
You have a right to some privacy. Everyone has some kinda of fetish or fantasy. Nothing wrong with that. However, I think that in your case your fetish is consuming your life. Change your focus.
Also, I agree with Josher about you being too young to indulge in S&M. Being a slave = being abused, even if's just for fun, it might harm you mentally.
Find someone who loves you and respects you. Once you're comfortable with that someone you can share your fantasy, just to spice things up. Your life shouldn't revolve around a fantasy.

 

[gdude30]

Manofsummer:

I am asking if I should tell them that I am going to see friends and go out and eat dinner with them instead of telling them I am gonna go out and explore town and go hang out with them instead of going out and exploring town. In other words. Lying.

I just fear that if I am honest with them it will lead to them knowing about my interest in Slave and Master lifestyle. NOT Sadism and Masochism though.

Yeah..I do have aright to some privacy.

My fetish isn't consuming my life. It was before. But while before I believed it to be more then a fetish i was a little bit off. But it's growing into more of a fetish.

People who are into slave and master know what reality is and know what their realm and world is. They go to their jobs and are just an average day person in public. But in their homes or beyond clothes doors they return to their world.

It is truly a balance thing. Although I'm sure not everyone can obtain that balance.

Being a slave is not about abuse. That is probably one of the biggest misconceptions about master and slave lifestyle. As a slave you have a right to say no or to refuse something. And anyways. A master shouldn't demand your respect and your body at first anyways. A master earns a respect and the a slaves greatest gift to a master is submission. But that takes time.

But I do know that I am not ready to be trained yet. Which is why I am learning from a couple right now. Yes right now it would harm me mentally. Which is why I'm staying away from that aspect of it.

..Another misconception.

S&M, Master and Slave, and BSDM if done right it is generally about respect, love, and trust.

And some other aspects as well.

But I don't blame you if you can't understand. Not all people think of it the way I do. And I stay away from people who think if it in dangerous ways.

But yeah. I have taken to search for a master off my mind and been learning from this couple and it's going good. But I need to accept that because I lied the result might be me not being able to see them anymore or restrictions on it.

But it could have been worse.

I thought of a way of how I can explain tomorrow that I'm seeing friends and gonna have dinner tomorrow without raising suspicion but I need to think a little more tomorrow when I get up but not over think it.

 

[NineOfClubs]

gdude, I echo what josher has already said.

I think there are so many other avenues you can explore, no hurry on this one.

Also, just gotta say, you are the number one most interesting guy on JUB!

 

[gdude30]

I've been told this before..

Well to a certain extent I am not really getting into it yet. Just observing right now. And this might take a few days, few weeks, months, or years until I feel I'm ready to get trained.

There are not many other avenues I can think of right now.

I might as well learn much about it as I can anyways. There is no guarentee I will get into this overnight. But you just never know. The more information I get and the more I learn the better.

Haha. I bet there are alot more interesting guys then me. But thanks NineofClubs.

 

[josher]

No, gdude, your emotional issues are not solved, nor will they just resolve themselves as you grow older. They will only get worse.

You need to see a good therapist and you need to be honest with him/her. If I remember correctly, you once talked about seeing a therapist, but you held back from telling the therapist everything you were thinking. That won't help you.

Again, I know you don't want to hear about therapy, but those of us here who are encouraging you to seek help are only doing so because we care about you and want you to be happy and healthy.

 

[pocono]

Hey gdude!

Somehow the question went from 'should you be honest with your parents" to are you personally ready to explore some kinky stuff.... Let me put my two cents worth in regarding your parents.

Obviously I don't know them or your exact situation. But it seems clear they love you and want what they believe is best for you. It is not at all uncommon for young people to want total independence from their parents. This is usually a tough time of everyone exploring boundaries. This can be difficult.

It seems to me that all relationships are based on truth (or as much truth as everyone can handle at one time). So I would suggest that you be as honest as possible with them. If you are not willing to tell them a bit about your lifestyle maybe it means you are excited by it, but, perhaps, a little ashamed of it. Again, this is not unusual.

So...I don't know if this was helpful, but at least know your parents are not trying to limit you....they simply want to love and protect you.

 

[Blacksheep]

If you want to be a slave feel free. Your life your body. Which is the point, you are an adult and it's your life and your body. Do with it what YOU please. Your parents shouldn't make you feel guilty for doing something that you want to do that is potentially healthy enough. To me though it sounds as if you wish to swap your dependent relationship with your family to one with a stranger. I agree that you have some issues that might be best of being talked about with a professional. I've been in dependent type relationships and you end up doing yourself more damage than any happiness gained. Your self esteem should really never be in someone elses hands which it is if you need/have someone else telling you what to do.