We haven't been laying in bed cuddling. I've pretty much been holding him while he cries. Again, he's gone through something very traumatic and he's trying to find ways to cope. I don't know how else to be there for him except being there physically for him. Even now, he hasn't given any indication that he wants something sexual, and I think he's just truly hurting. Also, I'm not getting chubbys as much now when we hug so that's good. I'll be spending the night with him but I don't expect things to progress any further. If anything does happen though I'll be sure to post it.
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ID Help Should we become jerk off buddies?
- Thread starter Advice23
- Start date
So this weekend has been rough... my friend "fell off the wagon this weekend" and started drinking again. He briefly talked about drinking some with me awhile ago, but he didn't divulge that he's pretty much a recovering alcoholic. He's always worried of being judged and immediately dismissive when confronted with having an issue and needing therapy, which I've suggested and told him there's nothing wrong with receiving help. He was having severe panic attacks last night to the point I was able to convince him to go to the hospital. Unfortunately, there I learned he's had issues with alcohol abuse in the past and that he's been to the ER quite a few times. I'm not upset that he has an alcohol problem, I'm upset that he lied to me about it. I want him to understand that and know that I only care about him getting better.
On another note, he's opened up to me about a lot this weekend including that we've grown very close over the weekend but that he's "not going to fuck me". I told him that would break the bond that we've made and he agreed, but I also told him not to assume I wanted to have sex with him. Especially now, that I recently found out that he's already experimented with one of his best male friends in college. He claimed that he raped him, however, I'm not entirely sure that's the full story and he's still in touch with this friend today. This has helped me not want to fool around with him sexually anymore, especially with everything going on and more concerned with him basically using me as a physical/emotional crutch while he's drinking. I want to confront him about it and make him understand that our relationship hasn't really evolved into something that's healthy for either of us. I know I have to find the right time once things have gotten better and he's ready to fully confront the issue. Hopefully, things will get better once he receives some therapy and that he'll become more trusting and honest with me in the future.
On another note, he's opened up to me about a lot this weekend including that we've grown very close over the weekend but that he's "not going to fuck me". I told him that would break the bond that we've made and he agreed, but I also told him not to assume I wanted to have sex with him. Especially now, that I recently found out that he's already experimented with one of his best male friends in college. He claimed that he raped him, however, I'm not entirely sure that's the full story and he's still in touch with this friend today. This has helped me not want to fool around with him sexually anymore, especially with everything going on and more concerned with him basically using me as a physical/emotional crutch while he's drinking. I want to confront him about it and make him understand that our relationship hasn't really evolved into something that's healthy for either of us. I know I have to find the right time once things have gotten better and he's ready to fully confront the issue. Hopefully, things will get better once he receives some therapy and that he'll become more trusting and honest with me in the future.
I think he should look into going to inpatient rehab that also has therapy, he probably needs to go somewhere for a few months to get sober and the help he needs. If i was you i would make sure this is something he really wants and has to admit to having a drinking problem and wants help. I had a friend who's an alcoholic and it was the most stressful thing ever. He hid it from me and when i kept noticing him disappearing and reappearing after a few weeks later he was going to the hospital and staying in the inpatient treatment unit. He would do good for a few months and sneak back to drinking. We had a sexual relationship and it was great in the beginning and the alcoholism started taking over and he didn't want help and he was back and fourth. He ended up dating this older women that enabled him and we stopped being friends. I wasted so much time trying to help him and made sure he was okay it was almost a whole year dealing with him. I know to this day he's still struggling with the alcoholism. I would make sure hes serious about it and not stringing you along and you end up wasting your time or he just wants a place to stay.
Sorry for the long post but i think inpatient rehab would be best for him.
Thank you for providing your experience. It sounds very similar to what I'm going through now. I spent pretty much all of Christmas weekend trying to help him get through his alcohol withdrawal. He's thanked me profusely, telling me I'm his best friend now for life and it means more to him than I'll ever know. I told him it feels like we've spent the weekend trauma bonding, and I don't want him to recover and mentally erase everything we went through and how close we've become. Right now he's with family and spending time in a hospital detoxing, so he is getting the help he needs at the moment, but I agree he's gonna have to put in the work and admit he has a drinking problem and seek out therapy. I do fear that once he comes back home, I'm gonna be his only support system, and I don't really want that responsibility. I don't want to waste my time or emotions on him if he's gonna eventually slip again and start drinking when something inevitably bad happens in his life. I also don't want to run the other way and leave him to his own devices since he really doesn't have anyone else here. Not really sure how I got in this position but here I am.
I'm confident now with everything going on he's definitely not moving in with me, and it'll be best if we keep our personal living space while still staying close with each other. I'm not sure if I even want to have any kind of sexual relationship with him now, but if we keep growing physically/emotionally closer something's bound to happen. At one point we did start cuddling and like you mentioned earlier, very few (if any) straight men would do this with another man, especially one they just recently met. I'm thinking once he returns we need to reestablish boundaries, and maybe just go back to being workout buddies that hang out together sometimes. Any other advice you have would be great, and hopefully I'll have better updates to provide in the future.
allin4cum
Slut
well, I do not have all the answers but I do have a story to tell that may make your decision easier.
My best friend and I were young and shared everything. I was masturbating a lot back then by myself and already eating my own cum. At the time, I always thought about asking him to join me but was afraid to approach him with any requests. One day, seemingly out of the blue, he asked me if I was interested in trading blow jobs. Well, I was initially shocked at the request but did not hesitate and said yes. It was exactly what I was afraid to ask him. Turns out, he was afraid too but found the "courage" to ask and we both discovered that we could have started much sooner if we were less inhibited.
So, bottom line, you never know until you ask.
My best friend and I were young and shared everything. I was masturbating a lot back then by myself and already eating my own cum. At the time, I always thought about asking him to join me but was afraid to approach him with any requests. One day, seemingly out of the blue, he asked me if I was interested in trading blow jobs. Well, I was initially shocked at the request but did not hesitate and said yes. It was exactly what I was afraid to ask him. Turns out, he was afraid too but found the "courage" to ask and we both discovered that we could have started much sooner if we were less inhibited.
So, bottom line, you never know until you ask.
Nudist Ted
On the Prowl
From what I read.....it sounds like your "friend" is making you a co-dependent for his emotional immaturity. I applaud you for wanting to help him, and I agree with you that you need to set limits and boundaries.
Sex is not what you or he needs.
He needs therapy and not a co-dependent.
Sex is not what you or he needs.
He needs therapy and not a co-dependent.
Sorry to tell you guys, but I'm pretty sure our "friendship" has ended. He's been staying away with family for over a month, and I was stopping by his place to water his plants and look after his things which he requested. I casually mentioned that I was borrowing one of his video game controllers while he was away and that's when he lost it. Telling me no, I should buy my own, and that I didn't ask him but told him I was taking it...
I couldn't tell he was serious at first, but he was adamant that he needed to be asked first. I assured him my intention wasn't "telling" him anything and just a way of making him aware instead of taking something without him knowing... well this silly argument steamrolled into him telling me a week later that he was bullied as a child and kids would take things from him saying they would just "borrow" them so it triggered him. I told him this could've been explained when we spoke the first time not coming at me in a disrespectful and condescending tone. He told me I was being dramatic and that I was too sensitive while he's a little more hard-shelled
Once he finally came back we were supposed to talk in person, but he didn't text me when he landed. I stopped by his place the next day to make sure he didn't start drinking again and he seemed good but we didn't get into it then. He texted me later saying we should meet up at the gym sometime and that he would text me in a few days.. that hasn't happened. I feel like I wasted my time and kindness on someone who really didn't deserve it. I'm sad with how things turned out, but I'm ready to move on if we are officially done. Not sure why/how things escalated to such a horrible level, but I guess I have to just move on.
I couldn't tell he was serious at first, but he was adamant that he needed to be asked first. I assured him my intention wasn't "telling" him anything and just a way of making him aware instead of taking something without him knowing... well this silly argument steamrolled into him telling me a week later that he was bullied as a child and kids would take things from him saying they would just "borrow" them so it triggered him. I told him this could've been explained when we spoke the first time not coming at me in a disrespectful and condescending tone. He told me I was being dramatic and that I was too sensitive while he's a little more hard-shelled
Once he finally came back we were supposed to talk in person, but he didn't text me when he landed. I stopped by his place the next day to make sure he didn't start drinking again and he seemed good but we didn't get into it then. He texted me later saying we should meet up at the gym sometime and that he would text me in a few days.. that hasn't happened. I feel like I wasted my time and kindness on someone who really didn't deserve it. I'm sad with how things turned out, but I'm ready to move on if we are officially done. Not sure why/how things escalated to such a horrible level, but I guess I have to just move on.
Sorry to tell you guys, but I'm pretty sure our "friendship" has ended. He's been staying away with family for over a month, and I was stopping by his place to water his plants and look after his things which he requested. I casually mentioned that I was borrowing one of his video game controllers while he was away and that's when he lost it. Telling me no, I should buy my own, and that I didn't ask him but told him I was taking it...
I couldn't tell he was serious at first, but he was adamant that he needed to be asked first. I assured him my intention wasn't "telling" him anything and just a way of making him aware instead of taking something without him knowing... well this silly argument steamrolled into him telling me a week later that he was bullied as a child and kids would take things from him saying they would just "borrow" them so it triggered him. I told him this could've been explained when we spoke the first time not coming at me in a disrespectful and condescending tone. He told me I was being dramatic and that I was too sensitive while he's a little more hard-shelled
Once he finally came back we were supposed to talk in person, but he didn't text me when he landed. I stopped by his place the next day to make sure he didn't start drinking again and he seemed good but we didn't get into it then. He texted me later saying we should meet up at the gym sometime and that he would text me in a few days.. that hasn't happened. I feel like I wasted my time and kindness on someone who really didn't deserve it. I'm sad with how things turned out, but I'm ready to move on if we are officially done. Not sure why/how things escalated to such a horrible level, but I guess I have to just move on.
Honestly its for the best i was in a similar situation i already told you the situation i have him blocked on all socials and his phone number. I was too distracted by the sex and being attracted to him to realize all his baggage he had. I was hurt when the friendship ended for a while but It taught me a lesson on how to pick better friends and not put my needs to the side for others.
I would just cut him off he will probably text you when he needs something and/or he has an issue going on. You did more than enough for him and he needs to get his life figured out and get some counseling, You are going to get your self hurt or he's going to use you and you don't need that in your life.
frankifab
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Others may disagree with me but I am speaking from my viewpoint as if I were in your situation
It must feel sad ( I had a gay friend many years ago , our friendship lasted almost 6 years , I was a very devoted friend , but he took my friendship for granted , once he lost it and physically attacked me ( something mild but it was humilliating and demeaning ) after that , he ignored me for 6 months and called me as if nothing had happened , I told him " I've moved on please delete my number " and I ended the conversation . It hurt me for years , I still kinda miss him but I had to be drastic to teach him a lesson as he never acknowledged his wrongdoing and ghosted me after beating me as if it had been my fault to have been beaten up .
In your case I would say it's better that you stay away from him , he lost it over something trivial ... I kinda can understand his position as I was too naive and kind as a kid and other kids borrowed and stole my belongings and I don't like lending my belongings to anybody , If I had been in his place , I would have gotten probably angry but I would have said ... Ok Borrow it but please make sure to return my " controlling device " in the same condition you are taking it ...
Anyway , you're not his therapist or his mama to look after him , it's better to put a definitive end to a chaotic friendship while it's early , cus it hurts worse when the friendship has lasted for several years and calling it quits in such a situation is more painful , since he says he is " hard - shelled " he should be able to take your departure as the strong man he says he is , but it's obvious he ain't hard shelled cus he let alcohol take over , true hard shelled people don't easily become addicts
You have wasted time , that is a fact but be glad you didn't waste years on him , from the final part you wrote I think you still have hope for him to tell you to keep on being friends . In my view you shouldn't depend on what the other person decides , my piece of advice would be : Move on ! Teach him a lesson , ignore him permanently from now on , he ain't your child or your sibling ... Live your life , move on , it will hurt but like they say time heals wounds
Whatever he does or whatever he decides to do with his life is his business exclusively , we cannot change people , relationships shouldn't bring us heartache , if a relationship is causing us pain it's better to call it quits at once
It must feel sad ( I had a gay friend many years ago , our friendship lasted almost 6 years , I was a very devoted friend , but he took my friendship for granted , once he lost it and physically attacked me ( something mild but it was humilliating and demeaning ) after that , he ignored me for 6 months and called me as if nothing had happened , I told him " I've moved on please delete my number " and I ended the conversation . It hurt me for years , I still kinda miss him but I had to be drastic to teach him a lesson as he never acknowledged his wrongdoing and ghosted me after beating me as if it had been my fault to have been beaten up .
In your case I would say it's better that you stay away from him , he lost it over something trivial ... I kinda can understand his position as I was too naive and kind as a kid and other kids borrowed and stole my belongings and I don't like lending my belongings to anybody , If I had been in his place , I would have gotten probably angry but I would have said ... Ok Borrow it but please make sure to return my " controlling device " in the same condition you are taking it ...
Anyway , you're not his therapist or his mama to look after him , it's better to put a definitive end to a chaotic friendship while it's early , cus it hurts worse when the friendship has lasted for several years and calling it quits in such a situation is more painful , since he says he is " hard - shelled " he should be able to take your departure as the strong man he says he is , but it's obvious he ain't hard shelled cus he let alcohol take over , true hard shelled people don't easily become addicts
You have wasted time , that is a fact but be glad you didn't waste years on him , from the final part you wrote I think you still have hope for him to tell you to keep on being friends . In my view you shouldn't depend on what the other person decides , my piece of advice would be : Move on ! Teach him a lesson , ignore him permanently from now on , he ain't your child or your sibling ... Live your life , move on , it will hurt but like they say time heals wounds
Whatever he does or whatever he decides to do with his life is his business exclusively , we cannot change people , relationships shouldn't bring us heartache , if a relationship is causing us pain it's better to call it quits at once
Nudist Ted
On the Prowl
It's time to move on..........
He sent me a random meme online yesterday.. still no call or text. I restricted all contact with him online, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't waiting for a call or text. Everything feels unresolved and the fact that he lives practically right down the street makes it worse..
I know I have to move on and there's no chance of us continuing a friendship, but I just want to get everything off my chest and let him know how much he's hurt me even if he doesn't really care.
I know I have to move on and there's no chance of us continuing a friendship, but I just want to get everything off my chest and let him know how much he's hurt me even if he doesn't really care.
Just block him on everything, he will get the hint and move on.
If you tell him how you felt or whatever he's going to give you a sob story and you're going to fall for his bait.
He texted me last night and we met up today. He wasn't looking his best but he said he wasn't drinking and I told him I didn't want him to relapse or anything worse. He admitted he dug himself into a hole with me and was being an ass, however, I told him I wasn't interested in being friends anymore after something so trivial had escalated beyond repair.
He still tried to negotiate just hanging out going to the movies or the gym sometimes, and I firmly had to tell him I no longer wanted to be friends in any capacity. I walked away feeling like shit. I hate that something like this has happened and now I feel worse than before I even met him. I'm taking a trip this weekend with another friend so hopefully that will help me reset and it won't hurt so much.
He still tried to negotiate just hanging out going to the movies or the gym sometimes, and I firmly had to tell him I no longer wanted to be friends in any capacity. I walked away feeling like shit. I hate that something like this has happened and now I feel worse than before I even met him. I'm taking a trip this weekend with another friend so hopefully that will help me reset and it won't hurt so much.
I know I made the right decision but I still felt like shit all day.. I can't stop thinking about if he's doing alright and what would've been if we never got in a stupid argument. I'm not sure what I did wrong to deserve this..
Many, but not all, alcoholics are notortiously manipultative.
I've been dry for 46 years but I don't recall ever being manipulative.
Lying is another story.
He may have SAID he hadn't been drinking but HAD he?
I've been dry for 46 years but I don't recall ever being manipulative.
Lying is another story.
He may have SAID he hadn't been drinking but HAD he?
You made the RIGHT decision. Don't dwell on whether or not you did anything wrong. Focus on what did you learn from this situation so you could spot a manipulator from a mile away the next time? What did you learn about yourself? Life has its ups and downs. You can't change history. You cannot control what other people say or do. But you can control your own reaction to the situation.
smallshavedcock
Porn Star
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So.. it's been over 3 months now and I'm still thinking about him everyday. He liked one of my posts about a month ago, and I sent him a text message later that week just saying I hope he's doing well and taking care of himself. He thanked me and said the same. That was it and we haven't spoken since. While driving today I swore I saw him right behind me and it just solidified that he still has a hold on me even though we haven't physically interacted in such a long time.
I still don't want to cut him off completely, and I'm not entirely sure that will stop me from thinking about him. I guess I want to know if this will eventually pass or is this something I'm gonna have to live with until I find someone better to replace the memory of him.
^ You seem like a good friend to have....... 
