Shy to try kinky sex with boyfriend

[redips]

I posted about some issues I've been having in the sack, and it got me thinking about my sex life with my boyfriend and how to make it better.

To start though, I'll say that we don't have issues with attraction or anything. Sex is actually fantastic even after a year of being together, and actually seems to be getting better. But of course, good things can still be better, and I want to make our sex better.

The thing is, I think we're both very shy about trying new kinky things. I can actually be very naughty--I wouldn't hesitate to fuck in public, try light bondage... Anything that doesn't hurt or involve blood, basically. But I'm too shy to bring it up, for fear that he would judge or think that I'm a freak. I'm worried that if we do try something kinky and he doesn't like it, it would hurt our relationship. I know this sounds a bit silly, but things are going really well between us and I don't want any chance of ruining anything, especially since our sex is already great and I don't actually care THAT much about the kink.

And I think my boyfriend likes to try it too but is either also uncomfortable or worried about bringing it up. I think so because when we saw the trailer to 50 shades of grey, he whispered to me and said we should watch the movie so I can do 'that' to him, that probably being blindfolding. I wasn't sure that he was serious at the time, and I was too shy to react appropriately.

I'm the top in the relationship but I'm also a very very shy guy, which is why I think this is complicated.

So... Any advice on this other predicament of mine? Thanks guys.

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Talk about it and read up on real (gay) S&M.

 

[EJMichaels]

You don't have to jump over to actual "BDSM". You can start with increasing the intensity of something he already likes, or something similar to what he likes. Examples: holding down a body part, holding/pulling hair, biting. Something that flows naturally from what you're already doing, but with an added edge. If the blindfold might appeal to him, start with tossing some random fabric (clothing, whatever) over his eyes while keeping his hands away from it. Look for opportunities to make kinky moves without making it an officially kinky act.

 

[borg69unimatrix]

It's hotter if you just do it, in the throws of passion. Be a little dominant. Be aggressive. Restrain him. Let him know he's the one making you go wild and uncontrollable. Being all wishy washy and asking permission coyly beforehand totally kills the intent. Own him. Posses him. Make him yours. Use him to vanquish your thirst. He'll thank you for it.

 

[checkinthingsout]

It's hotter if you just do it, in the throws of passion. Be a little dominant. Be aggressive. Restrain him. Let him know he's the one making you go wild and uncontrollable. Being all wishy washy and asking permission coyly beforehand totally kills the intent. Own him. Posses him. Make him yours. Use him to vanquish your thirst. He'll thank you for it.

This exactly. Just go for it and ask questions later. You shouldn't fear judgement from him as you all have been together a year already. Maybe you should take a shot or 2 before hand to get over your own nerves?

 

[racer2438]

We went through the same, but if you don't talk about it then it will never happen. We started the subject just as jokingly watching some porn. And just threw the questions out there and of course we'd laugh and giggled about it, but it softened the mood for the topic and one thing led to another and then we got much more at ease with it.

We have been together for almost 31 yrs this August... and our sex life is much more happier and enjoyable then ever. Had we not talked and experimented, which we did a lot of, finding things we like as a individual and together. I like some things more than he does and so on. When you know your bf so well that nothing can be embarrassing any more you can talk about anything going forward. we added light bdsm, toys, electro-stimulation, ropes, role playing and it's has been so much fun. My fave is to get fucked and cum w/o touching my cock and he knows how to do it so good, or when he fucks me and slips in a extra Dildo ...oh man ...

so I can say you need to just talk it out and be completely open about your fantasies, cuz if you don't explore you may never enjoy those dreams..

 

[redips]

Thanks guys! I'll report back with my findings

 

[Seasoned]

Everyone is different when it comes to experimentation so use your instincts. Some people can be pushed into new stuff but not necessarily without some context, and it might also depend upon how horny he might be. "What are you doing has come out of both my mouth and my husband's more than once during our relationship.

You have the 50 SHADES OF GREY opening. "I remember you saying..." Another great option is role play. You each pick a name and a personality. Meet outside of your home and treat each other as strangers. That way if something goes amiss it has less serious repercussions.

 

[bicivici]

I am having a similar issue with my partner. I recently discovered he has a penchant for kink and BDSM after three years of couple-hood. He never mentioned it once in all that time. I found some pictures of him with his feet on a guy's ass that was beat raw and red; they guy's wrists were bound with duct tape. He said that that was what that individual needed to get off. I looked up his handle and found his Xtube 'favorite videos' page on Google. Couldn't believe it was just right there. It was all humiliation stuff: forced sucking, foot worship, S&M scenes. I also recently learned that my partner had been abused as a youth. He was brutally raped by a man much his senior and dumped on a street corner to find his own way home.

I love my partner and I want him to be happy and fulfilled in his sex life and in life in general. What is most upsetting to me, is that he never communicated these occurrences, traumas, desires or interests to me. Initially, it made me feel insecure: if he has an interest in kink and isn't doing it with me, then where is he doing it? He said he never told me these things because he didn't want me to think he was damaged goods or disgusting or dirty, but I told him I love him accept him and that I didn't feel he was dirty or disgusting. We've talked a few times and he says that he really isn't that into kink and that it isn't a need of his and that he's watched tons of different porn and has had many different sexual experiences, but that he loves the way we do sex and is totally happy with me. I know I turn him on, but I'm concerned that I'm missing something. He said he always has felt submissive, but had often found himself playing dominant roles. He also suspects that a lot of his sexual hang-ups and proclivities are somehow related to his rape. We met in our 30s and I was the first person he ever bottomed for (willingly). Yet, there are things that I like that he won't do (rimming, no matter how clean and never letting me cum in his mouth). I know some people are grossed-out by semen, but come on! Lick my butt already, lol. Should I just try dominating him sometime? I've done some research, but I still feel woefully ignorant as to how to appropriately initiate. I've told him that I would be totally willing and happy to explore his kinky side with him, but he doesn't really seem interested. I even told him that there were things that I would be interested in trying: sounding for one. He told me that of his porn watching 15%-20% of it was kinky in some way. That seems like a lot to me, especially since he's not doing kinky stuff with me (he does like when we put our feet on each other and will brace his feet against mine if I'm penetrating him from behind on the bed). So, he has a foot fetish. We've talked about our sex life as regards BDSM a few times and I'm hesitant to keep bringing it up. I'm a handful of years younger than he and he's expressed that sometimes he feels he isn't enough for me, sexually, in that I tend to want sex more often than he does generally. I have to say, he keeps-up rather well!

I guess there's a range of issues here. I've read that a lot of planning and negotiating goes into an S&M scene and I had some jealousy that I've never had that kind of conversation and sexual planning with my partner. Thing is, I'm happy and I'm in love with my man. We have a beautiful life and mutual respect, admiration and attraction. I just want to make sure that we're both happy for years to come. There's already been a bunch of great advice on this thread, so I'll look forward to reading everybody's thoughts on the original post or on my situation. Apologies to redips for not having advice for you, man. But I do have empathy. Cheers!

 

[Gaymale36]

My boyfriend and I have been 8 years and we do the same sex in bed like grinding, kissing, typical stuff. I want to be kinky but havent like try a threesome with him but cant find anyone he wants to with. I hope we can try something, if not, kink is not what makes our sex better nor sex in general. sex is sex, love is what counts despite our lack of sex.