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Sibling Seniority

  • Thread starter Thread starter peeonme
  • Start date Start date
P

peeonme

Guest
Sibling Seniority.
We have all heard of sibling rivalry, pretty normal stuff.
But I was talking to a neighbor who said that her older daughter got first choice of the 2 bedrooms because "she was the oldest".

I bit my tongue. To me it would seem that a coin toss for who gets what would be better than the oldest getting first pick, just because they are the oldest.

My family had the same mentality.
Did you get first choice because you were older?
Did you have to take a back seat to an older sibling?
 
I was the youngest of 5 boys. I was 13 years old before I got my first pair of pants that hadn't been worn by one of my brothers.

I got blamed for everything that was lost, broken, or moved.
 
Sadly that's just how it goes. The general thinking is that once the older sibling is gone the younger will then have their choice. Therefor it only makes sense the elder gets 1st choice now. Honestly I like the coin toss plan, its more logical. As it is now its like the younger sibling is constantly penalized simply for being born after his/her sibling(s). Maybe this is what causes much of the sibling rivalry, the feeling of needing to compete and knowing the deck is stacked against you. Seems this could lead to animosity and hatred between siblings. No wonder more and more children are being diagnosed with depression. Always knowing your older sib has priority in your parents eyes.
 
I am the oldest and I remember hearing that phrase that the oldest gets to chose first, but I don't ever remember an occasion of this happening. It probably did happen to me or a cousin, but I don't remember.
 
Are you kidding me?

It is ALWAYS the OLDEST gets FIRST!

I cannot fathom a better way.

And trust me -- I didn't like (7th of 10 kids) -- but a coin toss or any other alternative would have been CHAOS!
 
swerve said:
Are you kidding me?

It is ALWAYS the OLDEST gets FIRST!

I cannot fathom a better way.

And trust me -- I didn't like (7th of 10 kids) -- but a coin toss or any other alternative would have been CHAOS!
Click to expand...
That's when drawing lots (straws) comes in handy.
 
When things go right, older children are maturing, mentally and physically/sexually, ahead of their younger sibs.

Surely the older sib will have different needs regarding privacy and entertaining that need to be considered.

Giving older children the opportunity to make or be included in important decisions that affect their lives is a healthy part of letting/helping them mature.
 
Well, my only brother is 11 years older than me, so by the time I started to have an idea about what life is, he was already married and got the fuck out of the house.

Still his needs always seemed to be more important, because he was ahead in life. I mean, it´s understandable and I´m cool with the fact that my parents gave the money for half of his house while I got 200 bucks when I moved to another country. It´s absolutely and perfectly fine.
 
Kahaih said:
When things go right, older children are maturing, mentally and physically/sexually, ahead of their younger sibs.

Surely the older sib will have different needs regarding privacy and entertaining that need to be considered.

Giving older children the opportunity to make or be included in important decisions that affect their lives is a healthy part of letting/helping them mature.
Click to expand...



I agree with this 100%.


The older kids have different needs.
 
First, I would say that the idea of the oldest getting first choice might be etched into us sociologically by our ancient ancestors.
In their writings much priority was placed upon the first born male. He got it all.
Even in modern countries with a royal family, it's the first born regardless of shortcomings who wears the crown. (with a few exceptions)

In today's world the idea of the first born or oldest always getting first choice is a cop out by parents. They use that phrase "he's the oldest" to avoid thinking.

Yes there are privacy needs, but there are also needs of self worth where a younger sibling shouldn't always play second fiddle.

Family decisions shouldn't exclude anyone that they have an impact on, all voices should be heard.
 
I don't see the problem with it really. At the end of the day I don't think it's anything that really sticks in harming a child's mentality going by these ultimately arbitrary rules.
 
There were no great benefits for my older siblings. My dad was a navy man with 5 kids and a wife. We had no money so everything was handed down. I'm the last of those five kids so I benefited the most from Navy retirement and my dads job after the Navy when he started making some bucks. We had nice vacations, new cars, all after my three oldest siblings left and there were just two of us left. My older siblings shouldered a lot of responsibility in having to help my mom while my dad was traveling around the world in a submarine.
 
MakeDigitalLove said:
I don't see the problem with it really. At the end of the day I don't think it's anything that really sticks in harming a child's mentality going by these ultimately arbitrary rules.
Click to expand...

I have seen it actually do more harm to the older child. They never seem to lose the "me first" mentality.
 
I was the oldest, so I was always first.
I only had one brother, so he was the youngest.
Each position had it's own advantages.
As oldest, I got first choice of lots of things.
But as "the baby" my brother was given lots more behavioral allowances because he was "the baby."
I broke my parents in for him!
 
ronboy said:
I was the oldest, so I was always first.
I only had one brother, so he was the youngest.
Each position had it's own advantages.
As oldest, I got first choice of lots of things.
But as "the baby" my brother was given lots more behavioral allowances because he was "the baby."
I broke my parents in for him!
Click to expand...

You kind of refreshed my memory a bit. My older brother and I who were the oldest were dealt more discipline than my younger brothers. My parents ended up being a bit more lenient to them on certain things, ultimately it didn't matter to me in the end but I can tell my older brother holds a bit of a grudge over it.
 
^ Unfortunately, parenting doesn't come with an instruction booklet. They're making it up as they go along. After a few babies, they've begun to figure it out.
 
there is definitely something to that breaking the parents in theory. I got away with and was allowed to do more than any of my sisters or my bro. I think my parents were just plain worn out by the time I was 15...they would go on vacation and leave my 18 year old sister and me together for a month at a time....
 
I am the younger of two and more or less received the same treatment. My parents did well about this, can't say anything.
 
I'm the youngest out of a large family.No matter what age I was,I'm always introduced as "This is my baby brother" #-o

And...as a teen,my Mom would introduce my friends as "This is Johnnie's boyfriend" :lol:
 
I was the older sibling. There was no 'first choice because older'. The next kid close to my age is a brother 2 years younger, when we received or generally used items it was with the caveat that you'd better work it out amongst yourselves and try to be fair about it. We got/get along fairly well and as it was mostly just us and adults until the rest of the siblings showed, barring some cousins.
 
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