*Sigh* Just got a call from an old college friend...

[Joshua_me]

But alas...

The 'gay thing' got in the way once again.


It's hard to explain. Back in the day, we had SO much in common...
Our love for music and movies and, frankly...endless bong hits...

But, these days.

I'm with Keith, and he's with his wife and two kids, and it's just not the same.


We strive for common ground, and to some degree we find it, but truth be told we are in such different places it's hard to find what we once had....

Has anyone else experienced this ?

That is:

Same friend, same friendship, but life taking you down such *totally* opposite roads ?

Joshy

 

[SilverRRCloud]

I guess, many of us here, simply must have been there.

College life is what it is: a life in a bubble. You are protected by your youth and the fact that all the difficult things in life only come to haunt you later in the life.

Like in:

building a career & creating wealth;

starting a family, paying the dental bills and worrying about your white picket
fence;

coping with solitude and aging;

coping with aging parents and their health;

coping with your own health and professional issues...

---
So, we have time, interest and energy to befriend other people and enjoy our lives together.

Later events invariably center on cash, getting laid and getting the sort of life, you deem desirable. Little or no time and energy are left for the people who once upon the time meant almost everything.

I wish I knew, how to overcome... but I don't.

All I have tried in this respect always failed...

Sad, when you come to think about it...

SC

and, I guess, the list just rolls on...

 

[screwnutty]

But alas...

The 'gay thing' got in the way once again.


It's hard to explain. Back in the day, we had SO much in common...
Our love for music and movies and, frankly...endless bong hits...

But, these days.

I'm with Keith, and he's with his wife and two kids, and it's just not the same.

Has anyone else experienced this ?

That is:

Same friend, same friendship, but life taking you down such *totally* opposite roads ?

Joshy

Yes. I've experienced it. Except he was my best friend since grade nine.....and unfortunely we fooled around in college together. Things were going good until about a year, year and half maybe? That I was gay. He was fine with it....until he got his first girlfriend. Then he was afraid that she might find out and then he told her because his guilt got the better of him (oh for the record...I didn't touch him when I found out he was dating her!) anyways she freaked, he freaked, we exchanged words and now we don't talk to each other. From what his mom told me just last week (ran into her well I was grocery shopping......his parents don't know that we've stopped talking) there going down the marriage road. I wish him luck and truly hope that he was only experimenting....cause no matter what a bitch she was to me....nobody deserves that happening to them. So yeah. It's life. Friends come an go. The really good ones though find a way to stay with us forever. Though they may fade out here and there.....!

 

[Rand]

^^ I'm glad that you let him go ~ shows what a good friend you are

sorry he was not mature enough to understand or cope with his feelings

not that he was or might have been gay - but that you two were best of friends and getting physical was an expression of trust and love

that you gave him space once he found someone else - you are a good guy, I'd like your friendship

 

[screwnutty]

^^ I'm glad that you let him go ~ shows what a good friend you are

sorry he was not mature enough to understand or cope with his feelings

not that he was or might have been gay - but that you two were best of friends and getting physical was an expression of trust and love

that you gave him space once he found someone else - you are a good guy, I'd like your friendship

Thanks Rand!

I'm just hoping one day he figures it out! (that I left to give him space....plus I did have feelings for him and really didn't want to stick around and watch him fall in love with this girl) Sometimes if you truly love something....you have to be willing to give it up at a moments notice.

okay I'm depressed now...who's buying the drinks?

 

[Joshua_me]

College life is what it is: a life in a bubble. You are protected by your youth and the fact that all the difficult things in life only come to haunt you later in the life.




---
So, we have time, interest and energy to befriend other people and enjoy our lives together.


Sad, when you come to think about it...

Yeah.

It really IS, SC...

I just wished I'd known I was in that 'bubble' when I was in it....

Who knew things would get so F-ing complicated ??

Josh

 

[starlight70]

You are not alone.

Looking arounf, I have friends who have successful careers, while I have contented myself with a teaching life. They have kids, and share their names with me. I talk about my nephews and nieces. They talk about daily routines, including picking up their kids, discipline and family hours. I talk about the cute guys I see at the malls. They talk about their spouses. I talk about guys who do not stay.

 

[Croynan]

EXCELLENT THREAD - VERY WELL DONE. CONGRATULATIONS.



eM.

 

[Swellegant]

One of the sad things in life is that, as you grow up, you frequently grow apart from your old friends... you're simply not the same person you were five years ago, and neither is s/he.

It's not just a gay thing, though. It's a growing-up thing. Not very many people retain their friendships very long after school; as you grow and change, you find that you no longer have the same interests... all you have is some shared history. And while it's nice to reivisit that history sometimes, it's not something you can make a steady relationship from.

It happens a lot when people start having children. If they're any good as parents, the children will become the epicenter of their universe, and they talk of very little else. For those friends who do not have children, the talk becomes very boring very fast. As my friends from high-school and college started marrying and having children, I simply lost them... they were no longer the same people. They tried, we'd get together every now and then to rehash the olden days, but the camaraderie was gone: we were no longer comrades, we were just people who used to know each other.

It also happens among gay people... they wander off in a different direction from you, they change and grow, and they aren't the same person who you had in your life before. You aren't the same, either. It simply happens that way.

The friends who last, the ones who grow in the same direction as you, are an absolute treasure; and the friends you make as you travel through life can be better and more intense friendships than you ever dreamed with your old friends.

It's sad, but it's just one of those things... no point beating your breast and tearing your hair over it.

 

[spooger]

I've not lost any friends because they found out that I am gay....

but some very close friendships have drifted apart from time to time, but....

many of those friendships are re-kindled several years later...

genuine friendships DO sometimes fade away, but sometimes they just ebb and rise with the stations of our lives....

 

[Diodorus]

I don't have any old college friends I'm in contact with but I do have a high school friend I lost contact with. We had some fun times. Just sort of naturally drifted apart. I check with Classmates.com every once and awhile to see if he might have registered. So far no. He is the only person from HS I would care to reconnect with.

ps: Congrats SilveRRCloud on your 1,00th post.

 

[Joshua_me]

Joshua, sweetheart, you just described the plot of "Boys in the Band."


Misty water color memories of the way we were

Indeed, HM.....

I guess one never sees the 'good times' until they're gone.

How horrible.

How cliched.

Damn it, I hate 'cliche'

I guess I should count myself as one of the lucky ones, that I manged
to hang on to a few of those friendships.

Josh

 

[luminum]

I haven't gotten out of college yet, but I do notice that I make brief friendships that are actually only acquaintances in college, but more close friends in high school are the ones who I always have. Hopefully that means that since we're all separated across states, but still manage to meet up and have fun and laughs that we'll survive the larger move after college is over for all of us.

 

[operafan]

I've tried to connect with some old college friends again. It's surprising to me that if I call we have a good time, enjoy talking about the past, say we need to keep and contact, but they never do.

I think life just moves on and unless there is some special connection, they are so busy with their lives, particularly if they have kids (I do not) that priorities have shifted.

Too bad, really.

 

[Joshua_me]

One of the sad things in life is that, as you grow up, you frequently grow apart from your old friends... you're simply not the same person you were five years ago,

It's not just a gay thing, though. It's a growing-up thing. Not very many people retain their friendships very long after school; as you grow and change, you find that you no longer have the same interests... all you have is some shared history. And while it's nice to reivisit that history sometimes, it's not something you can make a steady relationship from.

It happens a lot when people start having children. we'd get together every now and then to rehash the olden days, but the camaraderie was gone: we were no longer comrades, we were just people who used to know each other.

It's taken me a dozen days to fully realize what you are saying here, R-M.

And God, it's really depressing as Hell.

I guess the loss of 'camaraderie' was what I was least expecting.



Joshy

 

[JackFTwist]

yeah it happens, people I was close to in high school, college, grad school, I thought I'd be friends with forever - now we have nothing to say and it is easier not seeing them at reunions and such, life has taken us down different roads and all we have left is old times and none of us want to live in the past

I do have four friends that go back to high school/college and we are still quite tight and see each other a lot and I love that I have them in my life - the key to this success is sports, there is a baseball team we all love, and we all love to go to games - so rather than say "yeah we'll get together" and never do, I have weekend series tickets and we figure who wants to go what weekends - that gets us together - if the game is good, we never talk, if the game is not good, we catch up with each other - sometimes I go with my friends' kids, which is neat to know them as well -

my experience is that finding something in common to keep doing together is what keeps the friendships, the calling people you have no real life contact with but just memories always ultimately ends wistfully, sadly