*Sigh*

[torontoboy92]

Ok, I know I am going to sound like a bitch, but I feel like I have been used, and it had put my self confidence back down to zero. I already have very limited self confidence, and I find my self extremely unattractive. So when I met this guy, he made me feel like I wasn't that, and it helped me make it through the summer months of extreme loneliness, thinking that someone, at least one other human out there loved me.

There are so many reasons why I despise my life. The poverty, hunger, loneliness and lack of love, but he helped me overcome that, or so I thought. We fucked, we cuddled, we spent weekends together and went to movies, out for coffee, and dinner. Then he went out west. I haven't seen him since May, but I stayed in contact with him the whole time, except until the middle of September, when he was due to return.

I email him, no answer, I offline MSN him, no answer, so I assumed, "hey maybe he doesn't have internet ATM!" So I go and check on the site we met on. It shows he logged in at least 3 days after I sent him 3 emails. So I realize now that he must not want anything to do with my ugly ass. I guess the thing I want to know is, how do I get over him. I feel like there is no closure, and it's killing me

No reason why he doesn't want to see me, and the last time we talked we were exited to play video games together and sleep over. I was going to ask him out on a date apple picking north of the city if I got some money from my writing, but, no, I haven't heard from him...

I just want closure is all, a reason, whether it's him or me, an explanation why I am not good enough to be with him is all. I mean, he asked me if I would switch uni's to the one he is going to, and if I could, I would have. He gave me a reason to be happy, to believe for once like I said, that I was cared about. I only want a boyfriend, someone to love me, but it seems too much to ask. There are 2,500,000 people in this city and no one is interested in me.

How many more times can I get my hopes up until I just accept that I will be alone, not good enough for a man, just like I was never good enough for my family.

I know some of you are going to say 18 is too young to give up hope, but I don't want to live the rest of my life in false hope. I have been walked on enough by random people, and people that are supposed to care. I just want to be loved, but like most things, it seems that it is too much to ask.

Anyways, thanks for listening, tomorrow is another day I guess...

 

[Willie Boy]

Its definitely you. Now I don't mean that in a harsh way, but you are carrying around far too much emotional baggage.

The issues with your family, you need to overcome them, or at least let them go. Guys are not going to enjoy a date if that crap keeps coming up in the conversation. It makes them feel uncomfortable the more it happens, not to mention gives the idea that you can't let anything go.

Once the family issues are dealt with, then you can work on your self esteem, your confidence. That is another mood killer. Would you want to spend hours a day with someone who is always badmouthing himself and others? Imagine trying to have a relationship with such a person.

Try getting out and enjoying life for a change. Get involved in activities you enjoy. Spend time with others who enjoy similar things. You will start to make friends. And who knows, a relationship could build as well.

You are young and have time, but you also have to take the steps to improve.

 

[torontoboy92]

Its definitely you. Now I don't mean that in a harsh way, but you are carrying around far too much emotional baggage.

The issues with your family, you need to overcome them, or at least let them go. Guys are not going to enjoy a date if that crap keeps coming up in the conversation. It makes them feel uncomfortable the more it happens, not to mention gives the idea that you can't let anything go.

Once the family issues are dealt with, then you can work on your self esteem, your confidence. That is another mood killer. Would you want to spend hours a day with someone who is always badmouthing himself and others? Imagine trying to have a relationship with such a person.

Try getting out and enjoying life for a change. Get involved in activities you enjoy. Spend time with others who enjoy similar things. You will start to make friends. And who knows, a relationship could build as well.

You are young and have time, but you also have to take the steps to improve.

Thats the thing though, I never talk to them about family. When they ask, I just give them the explanation, there was abuse and we don't talk. I never bad mouth others because I have such a low opinion about myself. I realize that I don't have such an appeal if I am obviously not happy with myself, but I try an never let it show.

It's hard being alone, I think thats what so many people have a hard time understanding. I hear guys complain about the fact they don't have a bf, but at least they have siblings or parents that care about them.

As for enjoying life, well, hopefully when I get some money I can do that...

 

[Echoes]

You first need to work on your own issues, family, self-esteem, and so forth. People come and go and they don't usually care about others if you don't care about yourself first. There's something that may sound rude but it's true and I quote it "no one likes to much attention from a desperate fool" I don't really mean it that way but as I said before you need to overcome what makes you feel the way you do. Otherwise you'll end up falling in love with anyone who cares a little about you and falling apart every time they go away and that's not healthy.
Try to spend more time on the things you like and with people who share kind of the same interests, you may find friends and that's what I think you need the most at this point FRIENDS and not partners, you need to talk and get things out of your chest to overcome them or for just letting them go. You said you just wanted to be loved, well you can find love not only in partners but friends and relatives, please don't give up hope you're too young! don't forget that mostly you've lived your life depending on others so far (I say according to your age) but soon you'll be able to decide and do what you want by yourself.

if it helps you can find friends here, I know it may not be the same as in person but I'm sure you'll find some support. Take care of yourself and remember that life is priceless.

 

[torontoboy92]

it seems like you're hanging a lot on one individual... it's not his responsibility to make sure your life has hope and meaning, it's your own.

sometimes shit just happens. you may never know, but that doesn't mean you get to give up and blame your own lack of self esteem on him.

thats not my point, I just wanted a reason why he suddenly tops talking to me. I just want closure from him is all, an explanation if I did something wrong so that I can fix it in future relations.

 

[torontoboy92]

You first need to work on your own issues, family, self-esteem, and so forth. People come and go and they don't usually care about others if you don't care about yourself first. There's something that may sound rude but it's true and I quote it "no one likes to much attention from a desperate fool" I don't really mean it that way but as I said before you need to overcome what makes you feel the way you do. Otherwise you'll end up falling in love with anyone who cares a little about you and falling apart every time they go away and that's not healthy.
Try to spend more time on the things you like and with people who share kind of the same interests, you may find friends and that's what I think you need the most at this point FRIENDS and not partners, you need to talk and get things out of your chest to overcome them or for just letting them go. You said you just wanted to be loved, well you can find love not only in partners but friends and relatives, please don't give up hope you're too young! don't forget that mostly you've lived your life depending on others so far (I say according to your age) but soon you'll be able to decide and do what you want by yourself.

if it helps you can find friends here, I know it may not be the same as in person but I'm sure you'll find some support. Take care of yourself and remember that life is priceless.

Well, I get platonic love from friends I guess, but it's not what I'm looking for. I want the sort of love you get from a family or lover.

 

[BlondeCanadian]

lover love isnt platonic i dont think. But you know you are a good guy, smart and kind it will be all right just maybe take a step back and dont be so desperate for it

 

[Willie Boy]

Thats the thing though, I never talk to them about family. When they ask, I just give them the explanation, there was abuse and we don't talk. I never bad mouth others because I have such a low opinion about myself. I realize that I don't have such an appeal if I am obviously not happy with myself, but I try an never let it show.

It shows, trust me. Until you fully come to terms with it and put it completely behind you it will continue to show.

It's hard being alone, I think thats what so many people have a hard time understanding. I hear guys complain about the fact they don't have a bf, but at least they have siblings or parents that care about them.

That is why you need to get out and make friends. It takes time to build up that level of friendship, but it can be done. You just have to leave the past buried behind you.

As for enjoying life, well, hopefully when I get some money I can do that...

You don't need money to enjoy life. Just find things you like to do, simple activities: reading books, bicycling, people watching, bird watching, etc... Then find or form a group of people who enjoy that too. It really is that easy.

 

[Echoes]

Well, I get platonic love from friends I guess, but it's not what I'm looking for. I want the sort of love you get from a family or lover.

Love is not meant to be forced, you have to put up with whatever may come. We don't choose our families, we are just born in one and you need to deal with that. On the other hand we choose friends and their love is as important as the love you get from a family. For many people out there friends mean FAMILY!
And again, if you want to find a partner who CARES about you, first learn to care about yourself.

 

[torontoboy92]

Love is not meant to be forced, you have to put up with whatever may come. We don't choose our families, we are just born in one and you need to deal with that. On the other hand we choose friends and their love is as important as the love you get from a family. For many people out there friends mean FAMILY!
And again, if you want to find a partner who CARES about you, first learn to care about yourself.

My prospects aren't so promising then...

 

[Echoes]

My prospects aren't so promising then...

your prospects are as promising as you want them to be my friend.

 

[ryan2010]

Ultimately, in my opinion, you can't find your happiness in other people. There's an emotional and physical need to love and be loved, but you have to be a full person who's happy with themselves first before being able to be completely ready for a relationship. I think this is why people have so-called attachment issues or un-healthy relationships. You just can't expect an external person to create permanent internal happiness for yourself. I'm not saying at all that there is no such thing as true love or anything like that; in fact, I really believe in love, I'm just arguing that YOU have to be ready as an individual who is happy with themselves before being ready to enter a relationship with another person.

 

[Willie Boy]

Ultimately, in my opinion, you can't find your happiness in other people. There's an emotional and physical need to love and be loved, but you have to be a full person who's happy with themselves first before being able to be completely ready for a relationship. I think this is why people have so-called attachment issues or un-healthy relationships. You just can't expect an external person to create permanent internal happiness for yourself. I'm not saying at all that there is no such thing as true love or anything like that; in fact, I really believe in love, I'm just arguing that YOU have to be ready as an individual who is happy with themselves before being ready to enter a relationship with another person.

Quoted for truth.

 

[Echoes]

Ultimately, in my opinion, you can't find your happiness in other people. There's an emotional and physical need to love and be loved, but you have to be a full person who's happy with themselves first before being able to be completely ready for a relationship. I think this is why people have so-called attachment issues or un-healthy relationships. You just can't expect an external person to create permanent internal happiness for yourself. I'm not saying at all that there is no such thing as true love or anything like that; in fact, I really believe in love, I'm just arguing that YOU have to be ready as an individual who is happy with themselves before being ready to enter a relationship with another person.

couldn't agree more.

 

[KaraBulut]

Be the person that you would want to date.

All this focus on another guy is not healthy. That's a big burden for anyone and it's very likely that this guy is avoiding the situation because of the pressure you've placed on him.

I just want closure is all, a reason, whether it's him or me, an explanation why I am not good enough to be with him is all. I mean, he asked me if I would switch uni's to the one he is going to, and if I could, I would have. He gave me a reason to be happy, to believe for once like I said, that I was cared about. I only want a boyfriend, someone to love me, but it seems too much to ask. There are 2,500,000 people in this city and no one is interested in me.

It's not closure you want. You want someone to come in and make you feel better about yourself, again.

You're not ready to take on a relationship. You've got issues that you need to work on. And you've got to stop blaming others for your issues.

A good therapist will help you work through these things so that you can be an equal in a relationship and so that you can become a person that people want to date.

 

[hylas]

breaking up by just stopping all communication is an assholish thing to do. unfortunately, its also quite common.

but aside from the fact that he didnt end it very gracefully, and that break-ups hurt: youve got self-esteem issues, and no boyfriend in the world is going to solve that. on the contrary, as long as youre not able to love yourself, good boyfriends are going to leave you for having to many issues, and users are going to be attracted by your lack of self-esteem.