lyconthrope
Is The Alpha Female
I am in one of those moods.
those "I am not sure what's wrong with me" sort of moods, people keep asking me at work what's wrong and I dont know, just in a weird funk/
Its always tempting to blame "post christmas blues" but its not that, I have been feeling sort of......restless I suppose, for about 2 months (possibly more, been too busy to pay attention) I am 25 in a little over 6 weeks and got this sudden feeling of "I have done nothing!"
which isnt true, I have done more in my life than most 25 year olds, certainly more than any of the people I went to school with. And yet I have this feeling that I have not done anything, I have a list of things in my head, "normal" things that "everyone your age should have done by now!"....or so my mother tells me, and I have dont none of them.
I am not really qualified for anything, I quit college at 17 to volunteer on environmental research expeditions and humanitarian projects overseas.
It has never stopped me getting jobs, and I continue to rise through the "management ranks" within my field. one of the youngest managers within the company, I should be proud of that! but I am not.
I don't have a drivers license, I never even had a proper lesson. I skipped lessons in favour of saving the money and travelling, I still save the money now, if my legs still work and I can always afford public transport, why spend good money on a car I dont need? and yet I am constanly told "your 24, you should have been driving for years by now"
why?
my last proper relationship ended almost 2 years ago and I find small faults with anyone who tries to get involved with me now, why?
I feel it may now be time to make a very large drastic change in my life, I know what I would to do but am not able to do it yet.
maybe this is why the weird funk, because I know exactly where I want to be and am kept back from being there due to circumstances beyond my control.
and I resent being told by all those older than me that I have "wasted my youth" and I "need to start thinking about my future, get a car and a mortgage" and "behaving like someone my age"
as if the fact I did not immediately get pregnant at 15, sign up for benefits and sponge off my parents until the council gave me a free house is a bad thing! (yes I know is a generalisationg but that is seriously what 80% of the girls in my year when I left school at 16 were like)
*sigh*
time for a change, but how
those "I am not sure what's wrong with me" sort of moods, people keep asking me at work what's wrong and I dont know, just in a weird funk/
Its always tempting to blame "post christmas blues" but its not that, I have been feeling sort of......restless I suppose, for about 2 months (possibly more, been too busy to pay attention) I am 25 in a little over 6 weeks and got this sudden feeling of "I have done nothing!"
which isnt true, I have done more in my life than most 25 year olds, certainly more than any of the people I went to school with. And yet I have this feeling that I have not done anything, I have a list of things in my head, "normal" things that "everyone your age should have done by now!"....or so my mother tells me, and I have dont none of them.
I am not really qualified for anything, I quit college at 17 to volunteer on environmental research expeditions and humanitarian projects overseas.
It has never stopped me getting jobs, and I continue to rise through the "management ranks" within my field. one of the youngest managers within the company, I should be proud of that! but I am not.
I don't have a drivers license, I never even had a proper lesson. I skipped lessons in favour of saving the money and travelling, I still save the money now, if my legs still work and I can always afford public transport, why spend good money on a car I dont need? and yet I am constanly told "your 24, you should have been driving for years by now"
why?
my last proper relationship ended almost 2 years ago and I find small faults with anyone who tries to get involved with me now, why?
I feel it may now be time to make a very large drastic change in my life, I know what I would to do but am not able to do it yet.
maybe this is why the weird funk, because I know exactly where I want to be and am kept back from being there due to circumstances beyond my control.
and I resent being told by all those older than me that I have "wasted my youth" and I "need to start thinking about my future, get a car and a mortgage" and "behaving like someone my age"
as if the fact I did not immediately get pregnant at 15, sign up for benefits and sponge off my parents until the council gave me a free house is a bad thing! (yes I know is a generalisationg but that is seriously what 80% of the girls in my year when I left school at 16 were like)
*sigh*
time for a change, but how