Signs that a straight-acting guy is gay or bi?

[biguy562]

I was wondering what, if any, signs that can tell whether a straight-acting guy is gay or bi?

I am very attracted to straight-acting guys and I'm very straight-acting myself. I am a student at a college which has a lot of gay guys there. I can tell which ones are gay from the feminine standpoint but I am almost positive there are some other straight-acting gay guys at my school. I just don't want to walk up to a guy I'm interested in and them turning out not being gay.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!

 

[Fucker29]

I think it's in the eyes, the way they look at you. Specially if you make constant eye contact...that USUALLY is a strong sign.

 

[Lube]

First of all, get over the "straight acting" thing, OK? You fuck guys, they fuck guys--that's not very straight acting, is it? There are lots of neutral ways of describing what you like without loading it with all this self-loathing crap, 'k?

Are you out? Because if you're not, you're going to have a much, much harder time. Why aren't you out, especially if there are lots of gay guys at your school?

A relaxed, confident, out guy is very appealing. If that's what you are, you should have guys crawling over you.

Anyway, how to tell if a guy is gay? The easiest way is if he tries too hard. Does he wear a baseball cap all the time? Does he brag a little too much about bagging the ladies?

Alternatively, if he's super-mysterious and doesn't talk about his personal life, you can almost guarantee he's gay.

Or maybe it's the things he reveals about himself. Is his favorite show Glee or his favorite artist Lady Gaga? What's on his iPod? Is he into sports like football and baseball or is he a runner, bicyclist, or gym rat?

Do you find him dreadfully boring or really interesting?

And as Fucker29 said, do his eyes reveal his inner desires?

 

[careandrespect]

Hi biguy562,

It can be a challenge. I agree with you 100%, you never want to go up to someone and ask them if they are. Big error!

The only safe way is getting to know someone over time. Do you socialize with these guys you are interested in. If yes, the first step is already taken care of. The next step is taking time and doing things with the person i.e. going to sporting events, going out to eat or just spending time visiting. With time you will begin to feel your way through.

Sometimes it might be helpful to have an "ice-breaker" in mind that might give you a sense for how he feels. For example ask how he feels about gay related issues. If there are some gay issues that are common on campus ask how he feels about them. Get to know the person. This takes time.

With time and having had the opportunity to know the person better sometimes he will open up. Hope this helps.

 

[Nomenclature]

It's very risky and silly to be looking for any "signs" other than who he's attracted to. When a guy is attracted to someone, it usually isn't subtle.

Has he shown any signs that he's attracted to guys?

Has he shown any signs that he's attracted to girls?

Does he ever avoid talking about his love life (dating, sex etc)?

etc.

 

[Just_Believe18]

The first thing you need to do is mature as a bisexual man.

"Straight acting" is an oxymoron statement reflecting a gay/bi guy's personal insecurities and self-loathing over his sexuality. Most bi/gay guys are pretty normal and masculine. There are some flamboyant guys out there (some of them are straight), and deserve your equal respect. You don't have to feel attracted to them, but don't label anyone, including yourself as "straight-acting."

 

[CHUCK905]

If he is (or you are) not sticking your wee-wee into vagina(s) he's (you're) not really "straight acting."

 

[TX-Beau]

Well first off, any guy calling himself "straight acting" is a big ole queer.

Neither you, nor any guy calling himself that is acting like a straight guy. Straight guys don't fuck other guys, which kinda disqualifies you and anyone else wanting cock.

After all "straight acting," is just drag of a different color, affectation and posturing intended to project a persona.

What you mean is that you don't think you're effeminate, and want nothing to do with effeminate guys. Which of course has nothing to do with how straight guys actually act.

So, yeah, been there, said that, had the issues, the problem is that you will probably not be attracted to any guy who actually says he's into guys no matter how butch he is. Kinda goes with the territory, it's far too gay to actually admit it. You're probably looking for a way to have your straight guy and fuck him too.

Like I said, I understand, I've been there. I know the terrain.

No matter what we in the community of guys who actually fuck guys want to believe, you don't have a shot in hell with most straight guys, just ask them, they'll be happy to tell you. Either because of 'phobic culture, or personal disinclination, and there is no set of behaviors that exist that will give you a definitive answer about which ones are willing, and which are not (short of dropping your jock, and sucking your cock.) That's life, that's just the way it is.

EXCEPT, grabbing your fucking scrotum and asking - but then you hit your problem, if the guy is actually willing to admit he's gay, he's probably not what you're looking for is he.

There are plenty of butch guys out there who are big ole' queers, they'll tell you, they'll hit on you, they'll buy you a beer. That's how you get a definitive answer.

The rest is just about how big your fucking balls are and if you're willing to gamble or not.

Yes, you can ask a guy if hes gay/bi, I've done that, a lot, yes you will get an answer, you just have to have the courage to take that risk.

But I suspect you'll never do that, which is why you are in here trying to find a set of rules to differentiate which guys are in straight drag and which guys are straight.

We've all been there, wishing there was a way to tell the gay ones from the straight ones, without having to take any personal risks, it's a hugely common fantasy - and you know what, there is a way, you go find the guys who will tell you they like to fuck guys. With them, there's no ambiguity at all, no matter how butch, or fey they might be.

Now before you get all indignant, consider this, what you're saying and how you're saying it is very familiar to a lot of us, we've lived it. A lot of us have been where you are and said what you're saying.

Most of us have worked through that and figured out that there is no point in wasting your time on ambiguity fueled by issues, and that's what you've got, an issue about your masculinity and how that relates to wanting to fuck a guy.

If you can get rid of that, you options will expand exponentially, because you'll go out of your way to find guys who overtly want what you do, and you'll stop trying to find ways to fish in a dry pond.

 

[slnattak]

I actually think insecure men are more attractive than confident men. I think confident men are overrated. It's nice as sort of a minor 'erotic fantasy' but even then it gets boring. With insecure men it's like they are lost and you can save them. I like that.

ps: Don't bullshit psychoanalyze 101 me how 'everybody needs to take care of themselves.' This isn't what this is about.

Straight acting doesn't turn me on it bores me. I like gay guys to be gay, romantically. I can't even share my heart with a straight acting guy. Not a turn on. If you mean 'masculine' I prefer guys who are in the middle. The problem is, everybody is caring too much what 'society' thinks of them, did you ever think the reason why you can't find a boyfriend is because you're too busy worrying about how much of a man he is or not?

*Bitchslap*

 

[KaraBulut]

I was wondering what, if any, signs that can tell whether a straight-acting guy is gay or bi?

I am very attracted to straight-acting guys and I'm very straight-acting myself. I am a student at a college which has a lot of gay guys there...

First of all, welcome to JUB.

Since you're new, you get a pass on using "straight-acting" in your post. But from now on, refer to masculine guys as "masculine straight guys" or "masculine gay guys". There's plenty of effeminate straight guys and metrosexuals and they make it confusing for everyone- the term "straight-acting" is just very Rock-Hudson-era-gay-stereotype sounding.

There are two ways to know whether a guy is into guys:

1. Ask him
2. Have sex with him

Look- if you find a guy attractive, have a conversation with him. If he's gay and interested, he'll either drop the hint that he's gay or he'll ask you questions to give you the opportunity to 'fess up. If he's not gay, then you've met someone and made a casual friend. Nothing wagered, nothing gained.

You don't mention whether you're out or not but from the sound of things, it sounds like you are either in the closet or just peeking through the door.

All this is much easier when you're open and out. Your friends will know you're interested in guys. They'll introduce you to other gay guys. You'll go to parties and events where you will meet a better balance of gay men (the ones that you are not noticing because you're only seeing the effeminate gay men at this point).

 

[Comtemplation]

On the flip side, any particular ways to let other guys know you're gay besides blatantly telling or wearing a gay pride symbol or by word of mouth? When I came out to my friends, some if not most were surprised, so if that is an indication of anything, I don't think I particularly come off as gay...

 

[altlover85]

On the flip side, any particular ways to let other guys know you're gay besides blatantly telling or wearing a gay pride symbol or by word of mouth?

You've gone through the majority of ways right there. I would start conversations with people about your interests and go from there. At some point though, you'll probably have to come out to them and you don't end up wasting their time and yours if you are upfront about things either during the first meeting or during the first few meetings.

 

[Comtemplation]

You've gone through the majority of ways right there. I would start conversations with people about your interests and go from there. At some point though, you'll probably have to come out to them and you don't end up wasting their time and yours if you are upfront about things either during the first meeting or during the first few meetings.

Hmmm... As someone that is somewhat socially awkward, how do I naturally slip that into those first conversations without it seem like if I'm trying to attention whore or something?

 

[bankside]

Make friends with the really obviously gay guys. You know they're people too, right? And you know that you will still be masculine if you're friends with them. And you know that just because you become friends with them, you don't have to find them attractive or sleep with them, right?

Then, like every other person at university, you meet people through your friends. Gay people. Some of whom will be masculine and attractive, and if you're lucky, interested.

There is no magic gaydar. You have to do this the normal way, the way all the straight people do it too: be friendly and meet people.

 

[altlover85]

I would put myself in social situations and go to places like bookstores, museums, or clubs. You can also look into www.meetup.com and see if they have any groups that you might want to join in your area. You'll be around a bunch of people that have a similar interest as you and are there to meet people. I went to a French language one and it was fun.

Once you know that someone has similar interests as you, you could make a comment to them about something (like if they were reading a graphic novel you could comment on it) and then ask them a question that is open ended. People tend to enjoy talking about their interests.

Good luck! I know it can be difficult to talk to strangers.

 

[erobert]

Well first off, any guy calling himself "straight acting" is a big ole queer.

Neither you, nor any guy calling himself that is acting like a straight guy. Straight guys don't fuck other guys, which kinda disqualifies you and anyone else wanting cock.

After all "straight acting," is just drag of a different color, affectation and posturing intended to project a persona.

What you mean is that you don't think you're effeminate, and want nothing to do with effeminate guys. Which of course has nothing to do with how straight guys actually act.

So, yeah, been there, said that, had the issues, the problem is that you will probably not be attracted to any guy who actually says he's into guys no matter how butch he is. Kinda goes with the territory, it's far too gay to actually admit it. You're probably looking for a way to have your straight guy and fuck him too.

Like I said, I understand, I've been there. I know the terrain.

No matter what we in the community of guys who actually fuck guys want to believe, you don't have a shot in hell with most straight guys, just ask them, they'll be happy to tell you. Either because of 'phobic culture, or personal disinclination, and there is no set of behaviors that exist that will give you a definitive answer about which ones are willing, and which are not (short of dropping your jock, and sucking your cock.) That's life, that's just the way it is.

EXCEPT, grabbing your fucking scrotum and asking - but then you hit your problem, if the guy is actually willing to admit he's gay, he's probably not what you're looking for is he.

There are plenty of butch guys out there who are big ole' queers, they'll tell you, they'll hit on you, they'll buy you a beer. That's how you get a definitive answer.

The rest is just about how big your fucking balls are and if you're willing to gamble or not.

Yes, you can ask a guy if hes gay/bi, I've done that, a lot, yes you will get an answer, you just have to have the courage to take that risk.

But I suspect you'll never do that, which is why you are in here trying to find a set of rules to differentiate which guys are in straight drag and which guys are straight.

We've all been there, wishing there was a way to tell the gay ones from the straight ones, without having to take any personal risks, it's a hugely common fantasy - and you know what, there is a way, you go find the guys who will tell you they like to fuck guys. With them, there's no ambiguity at all, no matter how butch, or fey they might be.

Now before you get all indignant, consider this, what you're saying and how you're saying it is very familiar to a lot of us, we've lived it. A lot of us have been where you are and said what you're saying.

Most of us have worked through that and figured out that there is no point in wasting your time on ambiguity fueled by issues, and that's what you've got, an issue about your masculinity and how that relates to wanting to fuck a guy.

If you can get rid of that, you options will expand exponentially, because you'll go out of your way to find guys who overtly want what you do, and you'll stop trying to find ways to fish in a dry pond.

Excellent advice and very wise words.

 

[conrad]

My own thought is that it makes a lot of difference in how you approach the whole matter of finding a proper partner.

Guys who somehow are open to lovng relationships do find guys who are similarly disposed.

I think it all boils down to simple friendship. And the sex that comes about between two persons who have become "more than friends" is fantastic because it confirms the bond that already exists and strenthens it.

We men are all programmed to act like "regular guys" but the fact is that some of us had the good sense to find guys we could be friendly toward and then we also had the good sense not to deny the growing affection and the need to express that affection.

That's the way it has come about for thousands of years. I dare say that most of us think we are pretty good at acting straight (like regular guys) and how much richer some of us feel because we did not flee from the prospect of sexual intimacy with a friend who happened to be a guy.

 

[seven_sins]

Watch their eyes to see who they look at. Do they look at guys or do they look at girls. Usually the eyes are a dead giveaway.

 

[hey123sexy]

i've been thinking of this matter a couple of times. This particular guy seems nice to me, been texting, and even showing me things he doesn't usually do to his other friends. so confused.

another thing, we text often. But in the workplace we seem total strangers.

 

[jdoe4822]

hey bro I feel ya on this. Like a lot of the others have said, we all wish there was some magic gaydar to tell, but beyond going up to guys and asking them, I don't see many other alternatives. I will say inserting yourself in friendships with them will inevitably bring up something that will give you an opportunity to out yourself. I realized very quickly in the fire academy that as masculine as I am, spending 40 hours a week for 5 months with 33 young flamboyantly in your face look at porn on our smart phones at lunch straight guys would inevitably result in a bags of sand moment. One can only be a single 26 year old guy whos never had sex with a girl, has no friends that are girls, doesn't know any girls, doesn't seem interested in knowing any girls, and always misses every hot girl that walks by that everyone else in the class is eyeing because he was too busy looking at an airplane landing or some BMW that no one else saw for so long without people getting suspicious.