Sleep over problem (juicy details)

[toywifme]

Please try and help me out here. I got a FEW problems, I'll just state the questions at the end of my post.

This is about a guy I really want to 'do' stuff with, he is coming over to my place to stay for a night. He's GAY ! And ( I think? ) I'm in love with this friend of mine.

We've been buddies since we're 13 (we're both 18, although I'm a few months younger) but at the age of 15, our friendship went wrong somewhere. Since then, we rarely communicate as we used to when we were at the age of 13.

We stopped talking for a year and a half, and after that we're really different. We dont share jokes anymore, we rarely hang out together, stuff like that.

Earlier this year, he opened up to me and said he's Bi (I dont believe him tho, he's soo gay). After he did that, he made me open up too, but I was not ready then (not that I am now).

After we both knew that we're not straight, we grew closer, but I have doubts about this. He seemed to be closer to me because he wants 'something'. I have a feeling that I'm being used.

He only text me when he's horny. I'm a virgin ( ), and it was kinda sad to hear that he did it with some random guy already.

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Okay, so he's coming over for a night, and I want to do stuff with him,

Question 1:
Anyone got tips about getting a guy in bed without looking awkward or making a fool out of myself?

Question 2:
I want to be his special man, someone who is there just to share moments with him, his confidant. After our fued a few years ago, you think I should ask him about becoming his bf?

Question 3:
If yes, how do you ask someone that you want to be his bf??


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I'm such a virgin at this , help me!

(and I'm really sorry if I placed this at the wrong page, it's 'safety discussion' tho.)

 

[Blakiepoo]

you become "boyfriends" after a whole lot of other stuff happens. Sounds like you're trying to "claim" him and that's not good. Just let things happen as they will. Try to let him know that you like him (not that you want something from him). If he likes you, then things will continue. AND THEN after a while you might both feel you're boyfriends.

Someone asking me to be a boyfriend sort of feels like asking me to be in love with them. What do you respond to that? "sure, just let me flick the switch at the base of my skull"

It should probly go in Coming Out / Relationships section

 

[toywifme]

thanks for the reply blake, i've been refreshing this page for quite some time now..really appreciate it.

 

[WYSIWYG]

Asking or wanting someone to be your bf isn't going to work mate. As blake said, it happens over time. You might want to be his bf but who knows right now what your friend wants?

1. You say you feel like your being used, but do not say how.
2. When your 15 lots of things happen and probably both of you had thoughts or feelings about one another but probably never said them.
3. It sounds like you were close friends, and having one terrible fight in all that time isn't all that bad, except if you let it continue to fester in your mind.
4. Going to bed with someone, like kissing, hugging, will not new a forced action.
You have to allow each of you to express your desire to go to bed together.
Trust me if the chemistry is there you will go to bed with him. I am not sure, however, if this first reunion of you getting together with him is a good idea about wanting to jump into the sack with him. You might want to see how you guys 'get back together' first!
5. You don't 'ask' someone to be your boyfriend, it sort of works out that BOTH of you decide to be bfs after being together for a while and experience things together. it isn't about being bfs, its about BECOMING bfs.
Hope this helps mate! Don't think of what you want to do, but enjoy the time with him and be free. Try not to be nervous, or think your being used. if you do the outcome will not be what you 'want". get reacquainted, enjoy one another, and go with the flow....you might end up being surprised as to what happens.

 

[billybob109]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

Thing is do you really want to sleep with him because you like him or is it you just want to lose your virginity

 

[kevin23]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

1. " He only contacts you when he's horny. " I doubt you have any trouble getting him to bed.

2. & 3. If you have to ask, it's not likely to work anyway.. Sounds like you are in love with what you want him to be. He may not be that person or have the same feelings. Don't push him and don't be destroyed if it don't work out.

 

[Rand]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

I do believe that he will "toy with you". You want something deep and meaningful, and he wants sex [ fortunately, so do you]. Go with the sex - save sex, use protection. Be friends and confidante and maybe something will grow.

But the fact that he has not flirted with you or romanced you, but only texted you when he was horny, does not show a bf relationship at the moment.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

You're not close anymore.
He only contacts you when he's horny.
But you want to be his boyfriend?

As for the sex part, this should be simple. If he only calls you when he's horny, and he's gonna spend the night, chances are he'll be making the moves - you just have to respond to them. Make sure you're sleeping in VERY close proximity, wear little (or nothing) to bed, keep nudging the conversation towards sexual topics, and show enthusiasm when he does start talking about sex.

Stock up on condoms and lube, though. Chances are he won't bring his own, and if he's already playing around, you don't know how safe he's been playing. And don't let him do anything without them. You may be embarrassed to go buy them, but ask yourself which is more embarrassing - buying condoms and lube at the drug store, or telling your friends about your new STD?

Before you start, know your limits and stand by them. For instance, if you don't want to bottom for him, don't. Tell him you don't want to do that yet.

Have fun, but go in with zero expectations for what happens afterwards. "Boyfriend-dom" is not an inevitable consequence of him sleeping with you. He might just decide you're a fun lay once in awhile, or maybe aren't even worth having sex with again. You never know.

Lex

 

[justdoitinnj]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

"After we both knew that we're not straight, we grew closer, but I have doubts about this. He seemed to be closer to me because he wants 'something'. I have a feeling that I'm being used. "


People can only use you if you allow them to.

Are you sure your not using him?

You can't rape the willing !

 

[toywifme]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

thanks for all your advice.

*i really like this guy, not just to lose my virginity. it's something special that i want to have with him.

*about the others, i'm not entirely sure. i think i'll just be his friend for now.

*i'm not using him just for pleasure.


do you think it's ok if i ask him what 'stage' we're at?

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why am i so pathetic?

 

[toywifme]

well, he only looks for my companionship when no one is around. he flirts in his text, but quite rude in real life.


the 15 year old incident was about a silly book. he accused me for stealing. so he thinks i'm the bad guy right now.

thanks wysiwig for your advice.

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

>>>why am i so pathetic?

Because you're 20ish, horny, single, and in the closet to boot. This guy, as things stand right now, is your best bet to get laid. It isn't a great prospect, but a drowning man will cling to straws.

Lex

 

[howd17]

Re: Sleep over problems (juicy details)

In my opinion, be safe and sleep with the guy! You seem to want to, and so does he.

Don't expect love always (if it happens, great, but expecting it is asking for problems). Just enjoy. You have to start somewhere...

 

[yankee]

I woulndt go for the sex unless it just happens. But i would talk to him, open up, ask questions be the friend you want to be for him.

Going st8 for sex might make the relastion ship wierder than it alrdy is. if you just take it easy you build your shaky friendship then it could go either way. (sexually or stronger friendship)

 

[jockboy01]

First off, I've moved this to Coming out and relationships... also a safe discussion area and better suited for this sort of thing.

Second, I agree with what has been said. I think you need to stop thinking/planning so much. Get to know him again, be friends with him and see where things go. I think jumping into bed with him right off the bat is probably going to end poorly (although not guaranteed). I'd say just be friends with him and see where things end up... and they might end up in bed, but not something you should ever try and make happen. It'll happen if it's going to happen.

 

[Bi-Focal]

Good advice, jockboy!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Toywifme,

I've merged both of your threads together because this forum is where you'll get your best advice and hopefully your questions answered.

For my two cents mate,

I'd say take it slow. You guys are most likely at a different place in your lives right now... he seems likely to want just sex where you rightly have decided you want more.

I would just try and build and rekindle the freindship as a deep and meaningful one first...thats where the best relationships usually come from so if you want to think of it as the first possible step... although it wont be wise to get your hopes too high just yet.

Becoming someones trusted friend and confidant is a slow process usually... trust is something thats earned and given. So be patient with your guy... let him trust you again...it will take time... he'll need to forget the past and the silly argument and that might be hard for him to do.

Toy... dont pressure him. If hes not ready for a bf...if he still feels and weirdness over the argument then you risk pushing him away altogether...and you dont want that. Take it slow... let the freindship build. That way you get to have him around and in your life either way... and thats a win for you.

 

[toywifme]

thanks, you guys, for helping.

I really appreciate the advice. I guess i'm just stubborn when it comes to this, relationship, i mean.

i just want to be close to him. but i know that's impossible, so i'll be friends with him for now.

thanks again

 

[asdf]

PM me with what happens over the night! I'd love to hear