Sleepin with my best friend...

[jimm04]

What is a MS ???

actually listening to : Komakino - Outface

 

[versatastic]

Multiple Sclerosis? You might want to sit down and have a conversation, especially considering your situation. Whether you want to come out to him or not, at least ask him what he meant by his text. Maybe it was a drunk text? or he sent it to you by mistake?

 

[lonnie1]

Has he given you any other indication that he may be gay? If not, he could just be an incredibly dear friend not knowing what to do and trying to comfort you.

 

[billybob109]

Im sorry but noone says i truly love you by mistake. I think you have something here.

 

[Alberto_15]

Be very careful so you won't ruin this friendship. I think he cares about you as a friend or a brother. Good luck

 

[KaraBulut]

If your friend refers to himself as "straight" and he has a girlfriend, you should respect that.

If he's comfortable sleeping with you and you both enjoy the feeling of closeness, then leave that as it is.

Sex has a way of complicating friendships. It sounds like this guy genuinely cares about you and the two of you are very supportive of each other. Why would you consider risking that relationship?

 

[vamp]

Riconrudy, I'm sorry to hear that you've been diagnosed with MS. I know what it's like. My mother was diagnosed with it shortly after I was born. Your friend sounds really sweet and caring. You're lucky to have someone like that. I don't think he's gay, just concerned and caring. I wouldn't do anything to change that. Just be happy that your best friend loves you (not in a gay way) and cares about you.

 

[GBirdie]

If you ask me, I'd say he isn't gay, like others said, he's just a friend trying to comfort you. And maybe since both of you lost your brothers, he's kinda treating you like one. If it were me, and I had a friend so dear, I may very well be that way too.

Sorry for the MS though, but no matter what, just live life the way you are..... come to think of it, maybe your friend is afraid of losing you, and just wants to spend more time being with you.

If I were you, I'd really really appreciate that, and love him back (in a brotherly way)

 

[Royal Heart]

If your friend refers to himself as "straight" and he has a girlfriend, you should respect that.

If he's comfortable sleeping with you and you both enjoy the feeling of closeness, then leave that as it is.

Sex has a way of complicating friendships. It sounds like this guy genuinely cares about you and the two of you are very supportive of each other. Why would you consider risking that relationship?

This.

What you have is very rare and special, I think you should cherish it and not undermine it by trying to bring sex into the equation.

 

[Jerry]

Im sorry but noone says i truly love you by mistake. I think you have something here.

I think you're right BUT..

I have friends that I truly love and there's no way I'd even consider a sexual relationship with them.
I told a good friend just the other night that I loved him. And do, but as a friend, nothing more.

And yes, I think he does have something here - A great friend who truly loves and cares for him.

 

[Jerry]

I really appreciate all the input. One thing is pretty clear....I have an awesome friend who has got to be one of the most caring guys in the world. We are very comfortable sleeping together and can keep this completely non-sexual. I really don't have a hard time keeping my hands off him when we are together. There's just something very special about being able to sleep together and not have to take it to the next level. What's amazing is this guy is a incredibly good looking AFL football player who could be in bed with a different woman every night, but he is comfortable being with me. There is no way I would do anything to jeopardize this beautiful friendship. You guys are the greatest for helping me work through this.

Man, that's awesome!

I don't see anything wrong with you guys sleeping in the same bed and even cuddling without doing anything sexual. Sometimes it's just good to know that someone's there. And if you're both comfortable with it, then more power to ya both.

Good friends like that are hard to come by, so I think you're a lucky guy for having him. And he you.

Enjoy your friendship and good luck with everything

 

[Just_Believe18]

I believe your friend truly loves and cares for you, but not in a gay way. For those of you who may be confused by the behavior, MS is very serious, and I can see why his friend would be very emotional about the whole situation.

Be strong, riconrudy. You have a beautiful friendship that I believe is going to help you stay strong and healthy.

 

[Caeth]

=(

MS sucks. sorry.

 

[Caeth]

no one can guess what's in his mind...so who knows? thing is the only way to find out is to broach the subject somehow....by directly asking or making a move or some other way.

he sounds like an amazing friend so I doubt you'd lose him if you made a move...especially because you can just say you're just emotional because of what's going on.

my advice is just to go for it and hope for the best.

 

[seven_sins]

My advice is to let him make the first move. I really find it awesome how this unusual relationship between the two of you has developed so far, and he seems to be the one who is primarily responsible for it. I would never take a chance and jeopardize that if I were you. You are truly a lucky guy to have him. His suggesting that the two of you snuggle a bit makes me believe that he might have thoughts of going further. But I would let him make the first move. The MS diagnosis really sucks, man.

 

[Kulindahr]

I don't think this is sexual. You mentioned you both have lost your brothers not that long ago. He might be finding in you the love, closeness and confort he probably had with his brother.

I think that when he texted you he really loved you, he meant he loved you not only as a friend, but as a brother.

I might be completely wrong, but I don't think he's gay, or that he's approaching you in a sexual way.

I second that motion.

So, its been months since I've posted here, but I have a couple of questions (again). We've been sharing a bed now for a few months. It's really nothing more than that. We are comfortable with each other and usually end up laying right next to each other despite the fact that I try and keep a little distance to start with. The other night was interesting...my buddy was leaving the next morning to head home for Christmas and we were celebrating our Christmas that night. We had plans to go have a nice dinner and hit the bars, but the business we are starting got in the way and it was 10pm before we could get to dinner. We ended up at a sports bar and were back home by midnight. We exchanged gifts, he packed his suitcase and around 1:30 we went to bed. We were laying there talking and decided we should try to sleep since we had to get up at 5:30. Then he says to me, "you'd better snuggle with me tonight". Of course I did and he held onto my arm I had around him. We laid like that all night (or at least the 4 hours that we had). So here's the deal...I am pretty sure this guy is totally straight. I would have no problem exploring our relationship in the bedroom a little bit more, but I read all the horror stories about when friends cross into the sexual realm. What's the deal with this guy? I am happy to keep things the way they are, but should I be reading something into this? I know what conventional wisdom says about this, but hey, a guy's gotta ask.

This sort of thing was once more common than it is now; homophobia and neo-Puritanism have warped our views of physical relationships.
In this time, though, you've got one heck of a precious friend there! During a really bad time for me in college, I had a couple of friends who would pitch a sleeping bag on one side of my bed, and that was awesome enough.

Just as there are some people who are just plain evil, there are people who are just deeply empathic and compassionate.
You got one.

 

[Moss]

sorry for the unrelated question but im a sports junkie

whats he planning to do since the AFL cancelled the 2009 season?

 

[KaraBulut]

Kulindahr has an interesting point- it's really only been a recent development that single people had their own bed. Prior to that, men shared beds at night quite often.

Your friend is a snuggler. He doesn't like to sleep alone. He doesn't seem to have any sexual motive- he's certainly had a chance to act if he were interested in more than just sleeping together.

And certainly if you had your arms around him for four hours, that's an ample opportunity for something sexual to happen. It didn't.

Reading back through this thread- there's one thing that was never asked... you know this guy has a girlfriend and is straight. Does he know about you?

 

[nautiboyjeff]

When you snuggle with him, does he ever lay on his back? What's he wearing? Is there anyway to put your leg up on top of him and rub your leg across his underwear to see if he gets an erection? If he says "what are you doing", just say "nothing" or "your legs feel good". If he says "are you gay", you can just say, "gosh, didn't know this type of snuggling was off limits". I think the reason some of these situations become a disaster on here is people go from zero to 60 in one session. He may be looking for signals from you and as you have said yourself, you don't give any hints. It's hard to communicate when both parties are trying to "be straight". He might think you are straight too. There are enough threads on here where one party was waiting on the other party to disclose and they played all kinds of games to figure it out. He's giving you signals, because I don't know too many straight guys that want to "cuddle".

Good luck and keep us updated.

 

[KaraBulut]

Does he know about me? No, I just don't know he would react. Keep in mind, this is my first time "sleeping" with another guy. I have always had homosexual tendencies, but because of my Christianity and the other normal issues that go along with coming out, I have never acted on them. I know this is going to open up a whole new can of worms with everyone, but I have to be honest. At this point in my life, I am perfectly happy staying where I am. So, I guess I should just shut my mouth and appreciate what I have.

Thanks for answering the question honestly and completely.

I did not mean to imply that there was an ulterior motive on your part. However, it is something different for a man to climb into a gay man's bed than it would be for a man to climb into his straight male friend's bed.

Back to your oirginal post:

Here's the deal, I really enjoy sleeping with him and I would not be opposed to messing around (a little bit). But our friendship is very important to me and I don't want to change what we have. I also don't want to make the first move.

The advice remains the same: lovers and fuckbuddies come and go, real friendships last a lifetime. Be thankful for that friendship.