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Small talk on dating sites.

C

clorox

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I too am interested in any helpful hints.

I have the same problem. What I normally do, this won't help you on the dating sites, in real life is I try to ask them about something they are involved in school, volunteer stuff, or job project. Then I commit it to memory and preemptively end the conversation on a good note (if I'm sensing it's going to die). Then the next time I see them I ask how such and such is going and people tend to be surprised you remembered something out of their lives from a conversation you had only once and are more open. Of course this only works when you know you'll see the other person again. I also try to do something with them if its a social gathering (guessing games actually work, video game, beer pong, whatever is available)

On the dating sites, I'm guessing if you're the one initiating the contact than they do not feel a connection with your profile or think you're there for different reason's than they are. When I did belong to a dating site I would randomly get messages and just assume they were there for sex and talk to them long enough to find the ignore or log off button. Which of course wasn't their fault, but mine. (I was overly paranoid about ending up in a garbage bag on the side of the road)
 
Well Alex, I don't think I saw your HT thread but I saw this one. I'm not out in the dating world, either for real or online, but I sympathize with you. I too am awkward in social situations, and am typically unsure of what to say as well.

I'm sure others will chime in, and I'm going to repeat things I've read when others have posted similar questions. When you meet people, how are you meeting them? Is it through similar interests or are both of you attracted to the pictures posted? Do you HAVE your interests posted in your profile on the dating sites? (YES, I'm asking that because I've never had a profile on one, so I have NO idea how they're set up).

I took a quick look at your youtube channel, saw your interests listed there, and listened to the first vid on the homepage. If you are meeting people who share NONE of your interests, I can imagine the conversation growing thin pretty quickly. From my own personal experience, I've started paying attention to myself when I'm out. If I don't know anyone in a social setting, I'll listen to the conversations. If nothing interests me or I have no real knowledge of the subject, I'm going to be pretty much invisible. If someone happens to be talking about something I like, or at least have knowledge about, then I'll go join in and usually end up having some fun.

I guess that's my roundabout way of saying that if there aren't ANY similar interests between you and them, it's GOING to feel forced and will most likely continue to end up the way it's gone so far.


Looking at your gallery for instance, I see a POTENTIAL similar interest; where were you, and what were you doing in that chopper sitting at that gun station? (I love military aircraft/equipment for example).
 
I fucking hate small talk. Big time waster to me. I like meaty, meaningful, interesting, funny convesation. I want to learn something about you, I want gain something, I want to think about something, I want to have a laugh or two....

Unfortunately, im finding out u need alot of bullshit small talk to get to the point where u can talk about something actually worth talking about...
 
Honestly, if these people are giving you one word answers, they seem like THEY'RE the ones who have a problem with small talk.

The best tip I was ever given about small talk is to ask the other person questions about themselves. People love to talk about themselves, so if you're nervous, just ask them all about them. Where did you go to school, what did you study, what do you do for a living, what do you do for fun, etc. Eventually you'll hit a topic that strikes you too and you can add to the conversation and develop more of a rapport.

But I also agree with what has been said above - if you're not talking to guys who you have nothing in common with but attraction and sex, then the conversation will definitely run stale quickly. And if you think you have stuff in common but the guys are being one-worded, it may be that they're not as into you just yet -- have you talked about things that they are into that you are also into? Is it more than just favorite bands or TV shows? If they're still one-wording you after that, then they're asshats who can't hold a conversation and it isnt your fault.

Good luck! I'm out there too and it's tough finding someone who will so much as respond to a message let alone provide for good conversation after initial contact is made.
 
AWP82 said:
That was an airshow I went to last summer in Washington, DC. The picture was taken by some guy I had a crush on at the time (he only liked me as a friend).
Click to expand...

Well that's too bad. Anyway, my point was made from that pic and that question; I LOVE airshows, and assumed that's where the pic was from, which is why I asked. Had that been on a profile of a site I was looking on, it would've immediately drew ME in and I would have inquired about it. Maybe post pics of you engaged in any hobbies or interests on your profiles might help?
 
I am used to it. and you know right away if the person is interested or not in talking, replies like

cool, yeah, ok, sure, maybe etc mean he is there but not really paying attention, most of the time.

I then would ask open ending questions

tell me more about you? m what are you looking for? etc

either continues or it ends right there.

dont sweat it

good luck
 
Seems like they have the problem, not you. Honestly I don't further conversations unless the spark is their, or if I am told the other half is nervous. I think people who answe with one word or short responses that can't be answered come across as uninterested. That isn't really useful, so I just don't worry. If you find the right person to chat with then everything just flows
 
On that note, thought I'd interject. I heard a while ago, that even though questions that warrant more than a simple yes/no are always good, don't make them *completely* open either (as in, "tell me anything about yourself" etc.) I hate when somebody asks me to"tell me more about yourself" Because I have *no* idea where to start, you know? Better to ask questions that run along some kind of channel (like, what kind of hobbies do you like, or something else more specific.)

That being said, I suck at small talk, too. Although, it *can* be a good way to gage how interested someone is. If they give real answers, and ask you questions back, it's always a good sign. Remember, it takes two to banter, haha.

BTW, AWP, you're a cute guy, and your profile on here made me laugh. The problem isn't on your end, give it time and you'll click with somebody effortlessly.

SimpleMan
 
You're on a dating site, people aren't generally looking to make friends. The way to approach those sites is go after guys you're attracted to, and if they're attracted back, they should be receptive.
 
Then if they're not responding, it's probably because they're not attracted to you back, not anything to do with social skills or lack thereof.
 
Maybe so, but not so much online.

Let's say there's two individuals who find each other attractive online, and both suck at social skills. Then the conversation just immediately goes to sex and meeting for it. If social skills are present, you might talk about mutual interests and hobbies first.

In the online DATING/HOOKUP world social skills don't matter that much.
 
Right, but rarely do people online talk to you unless they find you attractive, and it seems vice versa (as in, you're only messaging guys you find attractive also)

If you go out to a club, a workplace, an organization, maybe even a bar you can just talk about conversation and social skills for the heck of it. Online is all based on physical attraction.
 
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