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Sniffing footballers' arses!

When Alex de Minaur beat Liam Broady today I couldn't help but be struck by the delicious irony that 200 years ago Britons were being sent to Australia as a punishment and now all our professionals are gagging to get out there!

They certainly have some of the horniest and hunkiest men walking the planet especially in the field of afl!
 
Gorgeous 25 year old SEAN CLARE who plays for Charlton Athletic may have to undergo surgery to remove his birthmark should it turn cancerous!

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Seems a wise move to be on the safe side although I would happily snog the face off him with or without the offending birthmark and it would certainly be no distraction whatsoever when I'm rimming that beautiful black arse!!!

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"Welcome on board Dylan! You may have heard of POUNDSTRETCHER! Well I am known as the ARSESTRETCHER of the team! I make sure you are nice and supple and flexible to allow the rest of the team to plough you "post match" like a knife through butter!!!

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"Phwoar Dylan! I can smell your shitter from here!!!!!"

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"Hey Dylan I love my wife and child and I hate to cheat on them but I've just got to have you!"

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Just to let you know that an increasing number of boys on the afl are cumming of age!!

If you decide to kidnap one of them post match you might get done for abduction but at least they won't be under age!

TED CLOHESY came of age on 9 June!

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The first thing I'd do would be to whip those boots off and spend a good few minutes worshipping those feet of his and inhaling the stink from his black socks!!!!
 
Little JONTI SCHUBACK was born on 18 March 2004!

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The only thing missing from this picture is the halo above his head and the wings sprouting from his back!

What a little angel!

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DIJON KAMMERI hit 18 on 20 April and shares two alarming characteristics with Adolf Hitler!

They were both born on 20 April and were both from Austria! Hopefully that is where the similarity ends!

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-What are you looking at?

-Well I didn't like to ask but can I have your socks at the end of the match!?

-Course mate! You didn't have to ask! Would you like my pants as well!?

-Well I didn't like to ask!

-Would you like to take me home and fuck me 69 on the kitchen table!?

-Well I didn't like to ask!

-Would you like to cum in my arse!?

-Well I didn't like to ask!

-You haven't got much to say for yourself have you mate!?

-Well my mother told me it was rude to speak with your mouth full..........

-OMG! You don't waste much time do you!!!!!!!
 
"Sorry boys! I was hoping to welcome you into the club with a nice dinner in a top class hotel but I'm just feeling too fucking horny so I'll have to shag you both on the bonnet of my car and then we can stop off for a bag of chips on the way home!"

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I've heard of

"Guess the weight of the cake!"

but

"Guess the weight of the cock!?

Well that's a new one on me!"
 
19 year old goalkeeper JAMES TRAFFORD who is certainly packing and one can't help wishing that the logo on his shirt read:

SERVICE MY COCK

rather than

SERVICE MY CAR!

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One can but dream!

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Fantastic pictures of Declan Rice but Matty Cash seems to be approaching the pinnacle of sartorial inelegance by wearing shorts and dress socks and shoes!

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Must be quite useful to have a name like ISAAC CUMMING because at least you can advise your adversary of your intentions!

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Forewarned is forearmed not to mention foreskinned!!!!
 
Good to know that ALEJANDRO GARNACHO of the Man Utd Youth team hit 18 on Friday so any new pictures of this little cracker can now be posted!!!!
 
This is 25 year old TIM VAN RIJTHOVEN the guy who put up a valiant performance against Novak Djokovic which ended about thirty minutes ago!

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He's either converted to Islam or caressing the beloved Wimbledon turf!

In any case if I were the groundsman I would feel duty bound to trim his arsecrack in order to meet the standards of neatness and orderliness laid down by the Lawn Tennis Association!!!
 
Chavvy little ROMEO BECKHAM has got so much cheek!

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So "bend over like Beckham" and let's see exactly how much cheek you have got and how far I can get my nose between them and firmly wedged into your stink pipe!!!!
 
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"Hey Novak! You whipped my ass out there on the court tonight!

Do you fancy going one stage further and fuck it!?"
 
"I'm not sure Bailey! I've never taken it up the arse before! It might just be that size flaccid but once you've taken the viagra you could end up splitting me in half!"

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The poet Philip Larkin is reputed to have said:

"Your parents fuck you up!"

This guy from Guinea was named ANSU FATI which if you haven't worked it out is an anagram of A FIT ANUS! So he probably got plenty of stick for that!

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