So, Anyway

[MidnightPrism]

This factory-worker goes to visit a psychiatrist.

"Doc, I have this terrible obsession! I work in a pickling plant, I screw the lids on the pickle-jars. It's a great job, good benefits, good hours, strong union. But for the last couple of months, every day at work, I get this overwhelming urge to put my dick in the pickle-slicer."

The psychiatrist diagnosed the man with self-destructive sexual trauma triggered by professional boredom and began a course of therapy with him. But after six months, the man admitted:

"This has been great, Doc, I've worked through all of my mother issues and I don't hate my father anymore and I feel really whole. But I still have the same problem I came in with: every single day, have this terrible urge to put my dick in the pickle-slicer!"

So the shrink steps up their program, they try hypnotherapy, medications, past-life regression, even proxy rebirth and drum-circles. But to no avail.

"I can't sleep at night, I can't concentrate at work, it's horrible! The urge to put my dick in the pickle-slicer gets worse and worse every day!"

The psychiatrist is really worried, and spends the whole week doing research and phoning colleagues, trying to find a clue of how to help this poor man. But at the next session:

"Doc, I feel great! I finally just went ahead and did it! Right in the middle of my shift yesterday, I just dropped trou and put my dick in the pickle-slicer, and I feel so much better."

"Oh my god, what happened?" the psychiatrist asked, aghast at this tale of self-mutilation.

"I got fired," the man said simply, still grinning.

"But what happened with the pickle-slicer?"

"Oh, he got fired, too."

 

[Christopher123]

 

[Eagle653]

 

[portohottie]

 

[Swellegant]

Hey! This joke looks terribly familiar.

So, anyway, the rabbinical student is about to leave for America. When he asks his mentor for advice, the rabbi offers an adage that, he tells the student, will guide him for the rest of his life. "Always remember," the rabbi said sagely, "life is like a fountain."

Deeply impressed by his teacher's wisdom, the student departs for a successful career in America.

Thirty years later, he learns that the rabbi is dying, so he returns for a final visit."Rabbi," he says, "I have one question. For 30 years, whenever I was sad or confused, I thought about the phrase you passed on to me, and it has helped me through many difficult times. But to be perfectly frank, I have never understood the full meaning of it. Now that you are about to enter the realm of truth, tell me, dear rabbi, why is life like a fountain?"

Wearily, the old man replied, "All right, so it's not like a fountain."

(my Daddy sent me this in today's email)

 

[Riverrick]

This factory-worker goes to visit a psychiatrist.

Am I living today all over again???

 

[JakeBequette]

Lol that was funny​

 

[Croynan]

most enjoyable. thanks for sharing this bit of humor with us.

 

[Croynan]

removed/second thoughts/eM.

 

[MidnightPrism]

Hey! This joke looks terribly familiar.

Indeed R-M posted this jewel in another thread earlier

 

[dolphwasser]

Well - I enjoyed that one. Thanks!