so basically i suck :(

[mikeiscool]

Sorry for starting out with such a drastic title, but basically I have had a horrible weekend just because I am a selfish person. I met this guy online and decided to meet him on Saturday. The thing is he's 2 hours away from me. Basically I had the best night of my life with him. So what is the problem?

Well, I am 22 and still live at home. Instead of telling my mom that I was going out two hours away, I just said I was going out with a friend. I didn't want to tell her the truth because I knew she would get upset and really not want me to go. Plus she hates when I meet people from online. Well, I got to the place, met the guy, went out to dinner, some gay clubs (first time i'd ever gone), and spent the night with him in his dorm. Biggest mistake I made to myself, the guy and my parents. I totally found myself with feelings for this guy. We got pretty close and I really started like him. I kinda think he liked me but I'm not totally sure. I mean, we held hands and spent the night cuddling, but I still don't know. I'm not that experienced in the dating department.

So the problem is that my parents flipped out when I spent the night away. I mean, I didn't intend to stay the whole night, but I really liked the guy and just decided to. Plus, I didn't want to drive home so late for fear of falling asleep at the wheel (I didn't drink at all at the clubs in case you're wondering. The guy and his two friends that went are all 19.) I know it was totally wrong of me, but I just wanted to have one night of fun. I mean, I never have fun.

Now I feel like such a loser because I don't know if I'll be able to see this guy again for awhile because my mom forbids me to go back there as long as I live under her roof. I know it was selfish of me and I feel so horrible because now I got someone else's feelings involved and not just my own. I can't even concentrate on anything else right now, I'm just so upset about the whole situation.

I know I should have said something to my mother from the beginning. I know I should have asked her if I could go and if she would have said no, then I wouldn't have gone, hurt myself and possibly someone else for bringing on something that might never be. And I never would have lost my parents' trust in me that I have always had.

I mean, I feel like I kinda deserve to screw up once because I've never done it before my whole life. I've always been the good one; no drinking, no drugs, no partying. But I guess I really messed up big time.

So I don't really know what I am looking for out of this thread. I guess I just kinda wanted to say something to get this off of my chest. I mean, I'm not necessarily looking for advice because I don't think I can really get any advice because the situation's already over. So if you guys took the time to read this, I just want to say thanks. I appreciate it.

 

[Corny]

dude .. you are over 18, right? or even over 21 if i got the drinking bit right. you need to talk with your parents what it means to be a grown up ..

 

[jslvr05]

This is so creepy! LOL You're mother is "forbidding" (I use it loosely) you to go out!

I know you live under her roof, but she most certainly cannot tell a grown man what he may or may not do. Besides, there's a fine line between indecency and spending a night out. I just don't think you should feel bad about enjoying yourself.

 

[G-Lexington]

You know, you COULD have called your mother and told her you'd be spending the night at your "friend's" place...

>>>I know you live under her roof, but she most certainly cannot tell a grown man what he may or may not do.

She most certainly can. So long as he lives there, she's able to make the rules. If he don't like it, he can find another place to live. Simple enough.

Lex

 

[mikeiscool]

You know, you COULD have called your mother and told her you'd be spending the night at your "friend's" place...

>>>I know you live under her roof, but she most certainly cannot tell a grown man what he may or may not do.

She most certainly can. So long as he lives there, she's able to make the rules. If he don't like it, he can find another place to live. Simple enough.

Lex

Yes, you're absolutely right. I know I should have but I didn't. It's so stupid, but I didn't want to look like an immature kid in front of this guy when he's 19 and so much more independent than me. In retrospect, I don't think he would have honestly cared. Plus, I don't think I mentioned that she called me and I didn't answer. But it wasn't like a "call me back" sort of thing. It was her just saying "oh i'm going to bed. see you in the morning" (She thought I'd be home soon). i mean, honestly i didn't intend to say the whole night there in the first place, but I was afraid of driving and falling asleep at the wheel. I mean, although she hates me now, I think she'd rather have me alive than trying to drive home on no sleep. I don't know though. I know I disrespected her, but I'm really hoping in time we can come to terms. But as of right now I am on the search for a place of my own as I should have done a while ago.

So sorry to turn this into a whinefest, but it's like I'm finally happy for one night of my life and then the next day I'm paying for it. But it's really my own fault so I can't really blame anyone else. And it's hell because I really like the boy and we connected so well, at least I think we did. I mean, he fell asleep in my arms I'm still IMing and texting him and hoping that even if it's a while down the road, maybe we can meet up again. Maybe.

 

[Corny]

but I was afraid of driving and falling asleep at the wheel. I mean, although she hates me now, I think she'd rather have me alive than trying to drive home on no sleep.

did you try telling her that? always worked for me "muuum .. i am drunk* and don't have money for the taxi, i am sleeping over" that would earn me some slack for drinking unplanned but that was forgotten a few days later.


* we can drink starting at the age of 16, drive at 18

 

[G-Lexington]

Then it's time to have a heart-to-heart with your mom. Tell her what happened, tell her what you told us, and throw yourself on the mercy of the court. If she chooses to ground you for a set period or whatever, suck it up and take it like a man.

Lex

 

[mikeiscool]

did you try telling her that? always worked for me "muuum .. i am drunk* and don't have money for the taxi, i am sleeping over" that would earn me some slack for drinking unplanned but that was forgotten a few days later.


* we can drink starting at the age of 16, drive at 18

yeah i did but it didn't matter. she was still mad i didn't tell her i was going two hours away and i understand her point.

 

[jslvr05]

You know, you COULD have called your mother and told her you'd be spending the night at your "friend's" place...

>>>I know you live under her roof, but she most certainly cannot tell a grown man what he may or may not do.

She most certainly can. So long as he lives there, she's able to make the rules. If he don't like it, he can find another place to live. Simple enough.

Lex

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I mean, in reality, he's old enough to make his own decisions. Are there consequences? Of course, but he has free will.

I guess what I mean is that she can't control him forever. It's a pretty unhealthy relationship.

 

[bmwducatirider]

The mother is selfish and wants a mama's boy. If she really loved her son at his age she should be upset because he only "cuddled" and didn't get laid.

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I guess what I mean is that she can't control him forever. It's a pretty unhealthy relationship.

Due to continuing my education, and losing my job, I ended up having to move back into my parents' place a couple of times for shortish periods. My parents let me stay there rent-free, but each time, they let me know what the ground rules were. I wasn't crazy about some of them, but I knew that since they were letting me live there, I had to follow them. In fact, many of those rules were put in place specifically to keep me from getting overly complacent. So I'd remember to keep my eyes on the prize - to wit, getting out of there. One of them was calling if I was going to be home after midnight. This wasn't mommy keeping me on a short leash - it was my mother who had a tendency to worry. If I called and said "I'm fine, I'll be home later", she was cool with it. It sounds like OP's mother probably would've been cool with it too, had he said the right thing.

Lex

 

[jslvr05]

^^ While I do stand by what i said earlier, I can understand your circumstances. Your mother was looking out for you. However, it's one thing to worry about your child and it's another to institute controlling rules for no reason.

Parents have to learn that they must let go. As I said before, this is a bit unhealthy. Soon, she'll have an even harder time letting go when he leaves the nest. It's essential that she learns now.

If he were sixteen, yes; at twenty-two, no. There should be a "tapering-off" period. He even said he was a good kid. If this was the most scandalous thing he's ever done (at the age of twenty-two, mind you) then there should be some leeway. We live in such a trying era and I think little things like this (trip) are in order.

 

[backpacker]

But as of right now I am on the search for a place of my own as I should have done a while ago.

Good for you. I'm sure your parents love you, but the way things are now doesn't sound healthy for any of you. Some parents have a very hard time realizing when their kids are old enough to be responsible for themselves. At this stage in your life, your parents should be giving you advice, not telling you what you can and cannot do. Certainly you were wrong not to let your parents know that you would be out all night, but their reaction is way overboard. Other than that, you didn't do anything wrong. Don't feel guilty for moving out. It's time that you established your own life.

 

[mikeiscool]

Well, just an update. My mom and I talked about it and I guess we got things straightened out. Lex, you're absolutely right Basically my mom was just mad I didn't call and that I lied about where I was going and she was pretty worried. I guess the conflict is over now and we're moving on. In fact, I think she may even let me go back out there as long as I tell her what exactly I'm doing, although I'm not 100% sure yet. As for this guy though, I think he might be ignoring me now. So I don't know what to do about that one. I really like him but he hasn't responded to my last few texts. Maybe it was just a one time thing but I really hope not.