DBSKIsMine
Slut
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- Mar 17, 2009
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Ok so, I'm not quite sure how to begin on this one. I just recently got accepted on a 6 month internship with a major company and I wasn't the only one, there were about 17 of us picked all together for the specific one I got hired for, along with individuals hired in other areas. I joined a group on facebook for people doing these internships and I saw a guy had posted on there that was doing the same job as myself so I shot him a message just to find out where he was specifically working. After messaging back and forth for a little bit I friended him on facebook and moved the conversation to AIM.
Now he's fairly attractive, but his profile listed him as being in a relationship with a girl so, whatever. I wasn't even contacting him with anything like that in mind anyway. Keep in mind my profile says I'm gay.
We start talking some more and I find out he's going to be working in an area that I used to work in so as I'm rambling on about how awesome it is and what people I know are still working there, he all of a sudden starts talking about how all the guys he works with right now are so fake and how excited he is to meet new people when he starts his job, but that it sucks that he can't date people in his area.
So finally, after wondering if he's trying to slide me hints that he's gay I bite and the conversation goes like this:
Me: Haha yeah but...um...doesn't your fb profile say you're seeing someone right now?
Him: Oh her? She's my best friend. But she's not really what I'm into if you know what I mean ;-)
At this point I blew Sprite out of my nose because his response just struck me as cheesy and cute at the same time. The topic moved elsewhere at that point, occasionally straying back to dating. We ended up talking about weight loss and stuff...I used to be really heavy but have lost a ton of weight and I guess he had too but had put a little back on. It seemed like he had a lot of self-image problems and eating disorder issues in the past but honestly like...I thought he looked fine. I even told him so but people like that tend to just push comments like that off to the side.
We started talking some more the next day and then all of a sudden the conversation just came to a halt and he stopped responding. I shot him an IM telling him I was going to bed. The next day I woke up to 5 offline IMs from him telling me he was sorry, his AIM stopped working and he ended up just crashing because he had to go to work the next day. He left me the time he'd be back from work and as soon as it rolled around I got an IM from him.
We started talking for a little bit, but then he disappeared again. Figuring he'd just crashed again, I decided to go workout and halfway through I remembered the conversation we had been having previously about working out and how he said he just couldn't find time to get to the gym (he works 10 hours a day, 4 days a week). So I decided I'd send him the video files of the workout program I use that's been so successful for me (and also doesn't take much time out of the day). I uploaded them to megaupload and shot him an IM before going to bed saying I had something for him and I'd give it to him tomorrow.
The next day I wake up to 6 ( ! ) offline IMs from him, again apologizing but he was just so tired and that he's really excited to see what I'm going to give him, told me what time he was off work AND gave me his phone number asking to call or text him. I texted him via AIM saying I had just woke up and he'd have to wait until he got back to find out what it was. This evolved into a sort of staggered texting conversation that went back and forth over 8 hours, with a lot of emoticons and banter about him trying to figure out what it was and me not telling.
Now at this point I need to establish a few things. Over the days that we've been talking, I've come to develop something of a crush on him. But when I'm interested in someone, I'm usually the person that does all the pursuing. I initiate the conversations, I make the first move. That isn't the case here. He seems to be the one doing all of that. And in the meantime I'm finding out a lot more about him. He candidly talks about how he can't stand shallow guys, and most of them just want to get into his pants. That he wants (essentially) what I'm looking for in a guy, how he wants to date someone in a more old-school fashion (i.e. not finding them from some dating site online) and that he has such poor body image and a constant desire to lose weight because he feels (and rightly so, because I've been there and can relate) that being fat in the gay community is like social suicide in terms of romance. He's 22 years old, he's got 2 bachelor's degrees, a solid job working for the same company he's gonna be interning with in January, a nice place, a car. Essentially he's got a really good head on his shoulders and knows what he wants. And then to top it off, I certainly find him attractive and despite the fact that he told me he has no gay friends, because he dislikes the drama gay men his age often bring, and he knows full well that I'm gay, he continues to talk to me.
This is why I'm so confused. I like him, but I'm not instigating anything here. I feel like I'm being flirted with and pursued but since I'm rarely (if ever) on the receiving end of this sort of thing I don't know how to interpret his actions. The first thing that came to my mind was why, despite the fact that we were talking about something completely unrelated, he felt the need to slide me hints that he was gay (not surprisingly, after he found out I was via facebook). Then the offline IMs came to mind. I mean, as far as he's concerned right now, we're friends at best and cordial at the very least, our only major connection right now being work (even though I do know from talking to him he likes a lot of the things I do). If he wasn't flirting with me, why would he feel the need to send me 5 or 6 IMs every morning apologizing profusely for missing me, and not only that but giving me his number and requesting to call/text him? So I figured that night I would try and lean the conversation in that direction a little bit.
He gets back, and I give him the links to the workout videos, which he very much appreciated. He had to go for a bit but IMed me later that night. I gave him my phone number at that point citing my reasoning as "it's only fair since you gave me yours". So we get to talking and I manage to steer the conversation to when he was sliding me hints. I basically asked him if the reason he did that was because he knew I was gay.
Him: Yes.
Me: Ok but...if you knew I was gay already, why would you need to hint that to me? I would think there'd be some kind of underlying motive in that.
Him: No, no motive. Just putting it out there to gauge your reaction. Not everyone is cool with it.
Me: Um, I'm gay too so why would I not be? What, was I gonna be like "Yeah, I'm gay and that's fine but I have a problem with YOU being gay." ?
Him: lol some gay guys are like that
Me: I don't think any self-hating gay man that would act that way is going to openly declare his sexuality on his facebook profile.
Him: True.
I also tried to boost his ego a little bit by basically implying that I found him attractive in not so many words. Often times comparing himself to me in that where I still show a little semblance of being overweight, he carries it well enough that he looks more defined and proportioned than overweight. I also mentioned that my jaw may or may not have dropped when I saw his profile picture. But, he kind of picked apart my responses and thanked me but said he didn't think so himself.
Finally I just came out and told him point blank that I was getting the vibe that he was flirting with me and honestly told him that I'm not used to that sort of thing and that it was a little confusing.
He quickly responded with:
Him: No, just being friendly. Sorry to burst your bubble. :-( Maybe I just have flirtatious personality.
Me: Hey maybe! lol
Obviously I was a little crushed at that point but I didn't stay on that topic and just moved on. I ended up going to bed not long after because I was tired anyway.
So basically (and sorry for the long post) but, I'm still confused. Something just doesn't add up. I know that if I was just being friendly, even if I knew the guy WAS gay, I wouldn't be doing the things that I listed he's done. From an outsider's perspective, what does it seem like? I mean, I'm gonna be in much closer proximity to him in about 3 weeks, and since I don't start my job until the 17th I'd have a lot of free time to hang out with him in person. But at the same time, am I over-thinking? Am I looking too far into this? I am a person that does have a tendency to fall and fall hard very quickly but I'm trying to get a handle on it and sometimes wish I could detach myself emotionally to logically look at something like this, but at the same time I've only been in 2 subpar relationships and don't really know how to decipher feelings as well as I could. My heart really wants to believe that I just caught him off guard and made him think I wasn't into him so he quickly downplayed it to not scare me off. On the flipside my (often negative) mind is telling me that he was being perfectly honest, he isn't into me, and that I'm just seeing what I want to because he's attractive and is more than compatible with what I'm looking for in a guy.
Thoughts?
Now he's fairly attractive, but his profile listed him as being in a relationship with a girl so, whatever. I wasn't even contacting him with anything like that in mind anyway. Keep in mind my profile says I'm gay.
We start talking some more and I find out he's going to be working in an area that I used to work in so as I'm rambling on about how awesome it is and what people I know are still working there, he all of a sudden starts talking about how all the guys he works with right now are so fake and how excited he is to meet new people when he starts his job, but that it sucks that he can't date people in his area.
So finally, after wondering if he's trying to slide me hints that he's gay I bite and the conversation goes like this:
Me: Haha yeah but...um...doesn't your fb profile say you're seeing someone right now?
Him: Oh her? She's my best friend. But she's not really what I'm into if you know what I mean ;-)
At this point I blew Sprite out of my nose because his response just struck me as cheesy and cute at the same time. The topic moved elsewhere at that point, occasionally straying back to dating. We ended up talking about weight loss and stuff...I used to be really heavy but have lost a ton of weight and I guess he had too but had put a little back on. It seemed like he had a lot of self-image problems and eating disorder issues in the past but honestly like...I thought he looked fine. I even told him so but people like that tend to just push comments like that off to the side.
We started talking some more the next day and then all of a sudden the conversation just came to a halt and he stopped responding. I shot him an IM telling him I was going to bed. The next day I woke up to 5 offline IMs from him telling me he was sorry, his AIM stopped working and he ended up just crashing because he had to go to work the next day. He left me the time he'd be back from work and as soon as it rolled around I got an IM from him.
We started talking for a little bit, but then he disappeared again. Figuring he'd just crashed again, I decided to go workout and halfway through I remembered the conversation we had been having previously about working out and how he said he just couldn't find time to get to the gym (he works 10 hours a day, 4 days a week). So I decided I'd send him the video files of the workout program I use that's been so successful for me (and also doesn't take much time out of the day). I uploaded them to megaupload and shot him an IM before going to bed saying I had something for him and I'd give it to him tomorrow.
The next day I wake up to 6 ( ! ) offline IMs from him, again apologizing but he was just so tired and that he's really excited to see what I'm going to give him, told me what time he was off work AND gave me his phone number asking to call or text him. I texted him via AIM saying I had just woke up and he'd have to wait until he got back to find out what it was. This evolved into a sort of staggered texting conversation that went back and forth over 8 hours, with a lot of emoticons and banter about him trying to figure out what it was and me not telling.
Now at this point I need to establish a few things. Over the days that we've been talking, I've come to develop something of a crush on him. But when I'm interested in someone, I'm usually the person that does all the pursuing. I initiate the conversations, I make the first move. That isn't the case here. He seems to be the one doing all of that. And in the meantime I'm finding out a lot more about him. He candidly talks about how he can't stand shallow guys, and most of them just want to get into his pants. That he wants (essentially) what I'm looking for in a guy, how he wants to date someone in a more old-school fashion (i.e. not finding them from some dating site online) and that he has such poor body image and a constant desire to lose weight because he feels (and rightly so, because I've been there and can relate) that being fat in the gay community is like social suicide in terms of romance. He's 22 years old, he's got 2 bachelor's degrees, a solid job working for the same company he's gonna be interning with in January, a nice place, a car. Essentially he's got a really good head on his shoulders and knows what he wants. And then to top it off, I certainly find him attractive and despite the fact that he told me he has no gay friends, because he dislikes the drama gay men his age often bring, and he knows full well that I'm gay, he continues to talk to me.
This is why I'm so confused. I like him, but I'm not instigating anything here. I feel like I'm being flirted with and pursued but since I'm rarely (if ever) on the receiving end of this sort of thing I don't know how to interpret his actions. The first thing that came to my mind was why, despite the fact that we were talking about something completely unrelated, he felt the need to slide me hints that he was gay (not surprisingly, after he found out I was via facebook). Then the offline IMs came to mind. I mean, as far as he's concerned right now, we're friends at best and cordial at the very least, our only major connection right now being work (even though I do know from talking to him he likes a lot of the things I do). If he wasn't flirting with me, why would he feel the need to send me 5 or 6 IMs every morning apologizing profusely for missing me, and not only that but giving me his number and requesting to call/text him? So I figured that night I would try and lean the conversation in that direction a little bit.
He gets back, and I give him the links to the workout videos, which he very much appreciated. He had to go for a bit but IMed me later that night. I gave him my phone number at that point citing my reasoning as "it's only fair since you gave me yours". So we get to talking and I manage to steer the conversation to when he was sliding me hints. I basically asked him if the reason he did that was because he knew I was gay.
Him: Yes.
Me: Ok but...if you knew I was gay already, why would you need to hint that to me? I would think there'd be some kind of underlying motive in that.
Him: No, no motive. Just putting it out there to gauge your reaction. Not everyone is cool with it.
Me: Um, I'm gay too so why would I not be? What, was I gonna be like "Yeah, I'm gay and that's fine but I have a problem with YOU being gay." ?
Him: lol some gay guys are like that
Me: I don't think any self-hating gay man that would act that way is going to openly declare his sexuality on his facebook profile.
Him: True.
I also tried to boost his ego a little bit by basically implying that I found him attractive in not so many words. Often times comparing himself to me in that where I still show a little semblance of being overweight, he carries it well enough that he looks more defined and proportioned than overweight. I also mentioned that my jaw may or may not have dropped when I saw his profile picture. But, he kind of picked apart my responses and thanked me but said he didn't think so himself.
Finally I just came out and told him point blank that I was getting the vibe that he was flirting with me and honestly told him that I'm not used to that sort of thing and that it was a little confusing.
He quickly responded with:
Him: No, just being friendly. Sorry to burst your bubble. :-( Maybe I just have flirtatious personality.
Me: Hey maybe! lol
Obviously I was a little crushed at that point but I didn't stay on that topic and just moved on. I ended up going to bed not long after because I was tired anyway.
So basically (and sorry for the long post) but, I'm still confused. Something just doesn't add up. I know that if I was just being friendly, even if I knew the guy WAS gay, I wouldn't be doing the things that I listed he's done. From an outsider's perspective, what does it seem like? I mean, I'm gonna be in much closer proximity to him in about 3 weeks, and since I don't start my job until the 17th I'd have a lot of free time to hang out with him in person. But at the same time, am I over-thinking? Am I looking too far into this? I am a person that does have a tendency to fall and fall hard very quickly but I'm trying to get a handle on it and sometimes wish I could detach myself emotionally to logically look at something like this, but at the same time I've only been in 2 subpar relationships and don't really know how to decipher feelings as well as I could. My heart really wants to believe that I just caught him off guard and made him think I wasn't into him so he quickly downplayed it to not scare me off. On the flipside my (often negative) mind is telling me that he was being perfectly honest, he isn't into me, and that I'm just seeing what I want to because he's attractive and is more than compatible with what I'm looking for in a guy.
Thoughts?
