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So confused..."I'm not attracted to you..."

jayamsterdam

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Hi Everyone, I had posted on here a few times in relation to the same boy and well, I am just devastated right now.
Met a great guy back in August at my internship. We hit it off really well, he seemed very flirtatious and I was flirting back with him. I had an inkling that he was gay and heard from others that he was so about six weeks after meeting him, I dropped the bomb on him and told him. I also told him I was attracted to him. He thanked me, was excited that I came out to him, but said he was straight. I was a bit stunned because a bunch of his friends said otherwise. After getting to know him, I realized how deep in the closet he was and in denial of himself, including the religious element of being hardcore Catholic.
Anywho, we kept bonding and I would always flirt with him and throw compliments/teases his way, and he'd just smile and blush. He then turned 21 (I'm 25) and we decided to go out to the bars last week.
When we were stumbling back to my house (he was crashing on my couch), I needed help getting undressed - or actually, I didn't need it, he offered it to me. He pulled off my shirt and looked at my body - I then leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. He just smiled and started pulling off my pants, and I was bulging at this point. After a few seconds, he put on my pajama pants for me and I asked him to plug in my cell phone. He threw me on the bed and bent over to plug in my phone, and I leaned over and kissed him again. I asked him if he was bothered by this and he said "No." He proceeded to the living room to lay on my couch, and I, in my drunken state, kept calling him back to my room. Finally he came in and said, "You need to go to sleep or I will stroke you! Do you want me to stroke you?" Of course, I've been into this guy for months and thought to myself, "He's finally coming out to me!" and I said "Yeah!"
Well he started stroking my dick, and suddenly put it in his mouth. He was giving me oral for a hot four or five minutes, while slowly stroking my rock hard cock.
I tried sitting up to kiss him and stroke his dick, but he wouldn't let me.
Finally, he started freaking out and stopped.
We turned on the light and began talking. He confided in me that he was either gay or bi, not sure, and hadn't done anything with a guy since he was 12. He was uncomfortable with what happened, and didn't want anyone to know. I assured him I wouldn't tell anyone and that its okay to feel uncomfortable and that if he wanted to explore more, he had the perfect guy right here! I suggested he not explore through craigslist but rather with people he could trust. He kept saying, "OMG, I knew something like this would happen if I came over!" as if he had imagined it.

He left the next morning very uncomfortable (I don't blame him, I was the same after my first time).

We didn't talk for a few days. Finally we chatted the other day and he wanted to "clarify" some things. When we did talk, he said the situation at hand was very uncomfortable and that he was not attracted to me sexually or physically. He also mentioned that he is not at all comfortable with his sexually. I told him I wasn't looking to date unless thats something that came up, and that I was okay with anything he wanted to do.

I just don't understand why he did what he did to me, then?! Why suck off a guy you know that likes you when you're not attracted to him?!

Is he just so shocked and confused about his sexuality that he is stunned at what happened and denying being attracted to me?

I was fairly certain he was attracted to me because he a.) always blushes when I flirt with him b.) his demeanor changes to overly positive when he's around me and c.) he SUCKED MY DICK, FOR GODS SAKE!

I'm so lost and confused. And hurt. I feel like I was taken advantage of and I don't know if I am wrong in feeling this way. Sorry for the length of my post.
 
He sounds like a complete mess. Leave him in the dust. There are plenty of hot guys without massive issues like that. I'm sure there are plenty close to you now that would love to meet you.
 
He sounds like a complete mess. Leave him in the dust. There are plenty of hot guys without massive issues like that. I'm sure there are plenty close to you now that would love to meet you.

Yeah, like I said....I'm just confused as to why he'd even bother messing around with me. I mean, its like, you know I like you, so why give me all the wrong signals by doing that? I thought he was coming out to me in a really bold way and maybe wanted to at least have a friends w/ benefits or relationship with me.
 
He sounds like a complete mess. Leave him in the dust. There are plenty of hot guys without massive issues like that. I'm sure there are plenty close to you now that would love to meet you.


second......
 
So why are you posting a new topic with a short version of the same thing you posted in your previous one? You know what people told you back then, and it was only a few days ago...

Living for the drama perhaps?
 
Well my opinion is that he's a basket case and if you want to be involved in that you are living for the drama.

This is no issue unless you make it one.
 
Well my opinion is that he's a basket case and if you want to be involved in that you are living for the drama.

This is no issue unless you make it one.

I guess I'll never get the answers as to what he did why he did. When I asked him he just said, "I don't know..."
 
Yeah life is like that. If you pursue this, it's on your head.
 
If you stick with him, you're taking on all his baggage, his issues, the conflict he has between his desires and his religious beliefs, etc. Do you want to take on all that? I don't know him at all and I have no way to analyze or explain his actions. I doubt even he could explain them. I do think you have to take what he says at face value and not try to second-guess him. If he says he is "not attracted to you sexually or physically" then believe him. He had a reason for saying that to you. Basically he's shutting the door on you. I would just try to let go of the whole thing and move on if you can. You have developed some feelings for him, and that's what makes it harder to move on. Spend some time apart from him so you can get over those feelings. It might require some time crying it out, but that will be healthy for you. I'd try to stop thinking about him so much and shift your focus back to you. Spend more time thinking about and doing the things that make you happy on your own.
 
Your previous thread is here.

My advice remains unchanged.
 
if you take alcohol into the equation. Not so attractive people will become attractive under drunken eyes....
 
What I think is he is young and doesn't have that much experience with guys. The flirting around thing doesnt mean anything most people do that all the time. He got a little alchol in him and figure or just didnt think I just want to do this for the experience. Part way through he might of realized what he did and how it might play out only he knows. People fool around with other people that they might not be attracted to .. its just about the sex.
 
He isn't ready and by telling you he's not attracted to you he has set a boundary either for you or for himself. I don't regard him as a mess. I regard him as scared and guilty. Everyone comes out, or not, in their own way and their own time. Do face the reality that you played a part in this with the suggested drinking and sleepover. Alcohol can do several things. It can get people high enough to do something they're afraid of doing and the consequence can be relief or guilt. I'd say the gay needs a trusting friend and you need to look elsewhere for sex.

Also realize that some people do have "types."
It just might be you're not his but were available. Don't take it personally even though it may seem that way.
 
sounds like he wanted to experiment a little more with men and you just happen to be the guy he trusted and knew enough to do it. Now that he got what he was curious about, he is over it.
I would move on, if he wants to pursue more, then go for it, but make him initiate it.
 
my thought is that he sucked your dick because he wanted to experience it. And you were so available. And he does not get much sex. I would not focus on him sucking our dick. It probably did not mean to him what it meant for you. Later his senses came back and he realized it was not his thing. Was he under the influence of alcohol? That diminishes your judgement as well and you do things you normally would not do while sober. I agree that you need to just move on.

Your a, b, and c reasons do not really mean much. Or I should say they do not mean what you want them to mean. People can be nice to people even if they are not attracted to them or like them, just out of their upbringing and politeness, or other many reasons that depend on his personality but not his actual attraction to you.
 
why persue this hot mess, if there are so many other guys around?
do you live in amsterdam? just looking at your user name.
this city is overflowing with fags.
 
Stop trying to read between the lines and listen to what he's actually saying to you.

He's. just. not. that. into. you.

He blushes when you flirt because he's flattered, not because he finds you attractive.

His demeanor turns overly positive when he's around you (What does that even mean?) because he enjoys your company, not because he finds you attractive.

He sucked your dick because he was drunk and wanted a dick in his mouth, and yours was the only one around, other than his own, which he probably couldn't reach with his mouth...it doesn't mean he finds you attractive.

Yeah, that sucks. It hurts to be into somebody who's not into you, but know that it happens to everybody on Earth and we've all managed to get over it and get on with our lives, and so will you. And hey, at least you got a little head out of the deal....
 
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