So confused... school or potential boyfriend?

[Danugh]

LOL seriously dude you know the answer to this question.

Do well in school BUT dont keep turning him down.

All you have to do is be honest with him. If he is worth it he will understand. Infact he should even go further to support you and make damn sure that you don't get D's and F's.

Come on you said you will soon be finished so just focus on YOUR goals.

Hot guys are not an extinct species. They will be here once you are Dr. Bidude711

All the best with your studies.

 

[RicanDAB]

This is a no-brainer ...

You have worked hard to get where you are, and choosing between school and a guy is not a choice you need debate on any level. You need to prioritize your school work, especially now that the term is probably soon over. The guy will always be there and should be able to understand the pressures you have to do well academically. If he does not understand, then he's not worth fretting over. A potential boyfriend should support you in your endeavors not help quash them.

You can compromise by just spending some limited time with him, making it clear that you are busy. This way, it shows him that you are interested but at the same time it helps him know what you are going through. You DO deserve a little break and fun time socially while you study and it will help you focus better to have that break - but if you think giving him attention will cause major distraction for you in studying - put it off. You can still let him know you are interested and make him aware that this is a tough time for you right now.

Lastly, in general it is not a good idea to focus so much on finding a boyfriend as opposed to letting one find you (meaning let fate intervene and let things happen naturally).

It's late and I think I am rambling. But my point is that SCHOOL should be the priority. You may never get this chance again, and guys will always be there.

 

[Danugh]

I know school should be my number one priority, but it's getting very difficult because my mind keeps saying "You need to find a boyfriend before you get too old and have to marry someone".

Well which man or woman is going to want you if you turn out to be bum?

 

[RicanDAB]

Thank you guys for the replies and insightful input. I know school should be my number one priority, but it's getting very difficult because my mind keeps saying "You need to find a boyfriend before you get too old and have to marry someone". My parents think I'm this perfect child, but they don't know I'm gay and they might never know, so they're hoping that I'll be married by 26/27 or something. But that's a whole another issue.

I feel bad that I keep pushing this guy away because he always wanting to do something. He has been on my mind so much lately that I feel like giving in to him. We're not even together and it's already distracting me from school because I think about him a lot. And not to mention that he's so f'n hot. I know myself, I'll become infatuated with him if something happens between us. It seems like I cannot resist him anymore...

Believe me, I KNOW how hard it is to keep focused in school and want to have a relationship. I have been there and I do identify with you. I don't want you to regret messing up school over a guy. Like I said before, if the guy does not understand your pressures, he's not worth the trouble. Don't be tricked by your mind into believing that you won't find anyone - when the right one comes along, he will fall in place in your life like a glove to a hand.

You sound like you're still pretty young (I assume since you said "be married by 26/27") ... don't worry about settling down just yet and finish what you're doing with your life right now .. you have lots of time later to develop a relationship. At the very least, get these next few weeks past you. If the f'in hot guy is a catch, he'll stick around for you. You can always do little things to keep him interested until your free time comes up. Stay focused buddy ... !!!!

That other issue: being married by a certain age. I'm into my 30s and as you have guessed the question has come up many times - if they have not figured it out by now, it's their problem. Bottom line is to do what makes YOU happy, not everyone else. Life is too short to suffer and miss out on your happiness at the expense of saving face!

 

[RicanDAB]

... but that seems like forever because I can't get him out of my mind.

What school u at? Newboy12 and I are just gonna have to come by and give you a beatdown!

It's natural to have your mind go crazy over a guy ... you're almost at the finish line, so don't trip on your feet now!

 

[hotnnc]

Hey bidude......I agree with everything everyone has said to you in this thread. I was my last year of dental school when I came out and was wanting a boyfriend so badly. I discovered the bars and went out way too much. I met alot of nice people, some of whom are still very close friends. I did have trouble concentrating on finishing school, had to take a year off and go back, and finished 3 years after I was supposed to finish. Stay in school, study hard. You have gotten this far. Talk to this guy and hopefully, he will understand. If not, he is not worth your time. You have worked hard to get where you are and you should be proud. Don't screw up. You may not get a second chance, like I did. I luckily met a guy, and he got me through that hard time in my life and helped me succeed in my plans. That was 24 years ago. As far as your parents not knowing...live your life to make you happy. You owe no one an explanation. I never told my parents, but they knew. And they knew then and still know now how happy I am with my life. That's all any loving parent should want for their child...for them to be happy and safe. I am sure they are proud of you and your accomplishments. Good luck

 

[wolfwalk]

Hey, Bidude,
Just think of all the boyfriends you can get with the initials MD after your name Besides, as others have said, this dude should be more than willing to support and nurture your efforts for the next two years and then through your residency IF he is actually the one for you. Trust me, you need to focus entirely on your studies and when the residency comes, say goodbye to any kind of social life for a while. But you know what? Most doctors are married/partnered and it will be no different for you.

Good luck and study hard--we need more good gay doctors

Ray

 

[hubbellgardner]

in response to hotnnc What a great post. Well Said !

 

[number2]

School! wow! that shouldnt even be a question. Don't throw away a potential future- Med School- hello, lots of opportunity there- over a potential boyfriend! Go to school! Study! Now! I'm Only 19 and I know that! School! I cannot emphasize that enough!! School!

 

[thermodynamics]

I agree that it's school before boyfriend. But, perhaps there's a way to have your cake and eat it too. There might be a way that you can hit it off a little bit--perhaps a few dates or whatever. You should know how you're doing in school fairly quickly--grades are great metrics for that. But perhaps you two can do both at the same time--provided that both of you are on the same page going into the situation.

 

[tpeezy101]

Maybe you can get him to help you study?? That way you guys can talk while you work. But not everyone can multitask, and you might get too "caught up" lol.

 

[190E]

I know what you're going through, everyone here is quick to say school over boyfriend, and yes, of course they're right in saying that. I know it's a tough decision, I know absolutely it is, I made that decision, and I screwed myself in the end, and messed up big time in school. I am now paying for that bad decision and trying to make up from where I messed up. I can tell you with experience as with many others on this board that it's school before boys, even more so in your position than mine. I'm a mere undergrad in criminology, you're in your residency at a hospital, you're in line for a good future, regardless of boys or not. You will eventually find someone, and they will be accepting of what you do, and it will be okay, but for now you need to focus on school. I'm being so redundant it's ridiculous, but I cannot stress it enough.

 

[arc248]

Hey there, I can totally understand your situation. I was gonna be a pharmacist, but finally decided to go to Parsons (an art school, as in Project Runway). Let's just say, I haven't been sleeping well since September (3 hrs on weekdays, maybe 5 on weekends, since I also have a part time job of 25 hours/week, and B is not acceptable to me ). I'm doing my project (scanning crazy pictures for class presentation) as I'm typing this.

It's easy to just say "Focus on school" but hard to do, when you know there is someone out there within reach - it's so tempting. I'd say, cut back on sleep and try to have time for him if you really can... maybe one afternoon on weekend... DEFINITELY LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU'RE INTERESTED IN HIM AS WELL, do not discourage him away by ignoring him!!!

Winter break is just around the corner... you're in the last 400meters of the mile run, sprint forward. YOU'RE ALMOST THERE!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[arc248]

let Him Know That The Winter Break Is Coming And You Two Can Get Together Then

 

[kurtwild]

agree! try to have both! the guy and the marks

let Him Know That The Winter Break Is Coming And You Two Can Get Together Then

 

[colemanshs]

Be sure he knows where your priorties are and maybe you two can make it work. I hope things work out for you two.