So Confused

[Newguy]

People in my town are very judgmental, and I know any news of me being gay would literally spread the town like wildfire, I'm sure it would take 48 hours for half the town to know. That actually is what has made me so nervous about this and want to be so discreet about taking to people about this. I have no interest in moving either, I love where I live, but there is no gay community here what so ever, at least nothing in the open but again I wouldn't feel comfortable reaching out to them anyway. I have a feeling inside that people are always looking for ways to call me out, but realistically I know that's not the case.
One funny story that happened a few weeks ago, a friend and myself were going to meet some other friends at a lakeside bar. We boated over there and grabbed a table. My phone rang so I went up front to talk, when I got back my friend was talking to a family that was passing through town about their baby because it looked to be about the same age as his. My kept referring to his baby as "ours"(meaning his and his wife's but she wasn't there) and he didn't catch what they were thinking. They said they were going to move to a different tabl to get out of the sun and I asked him if he realized what he was saying, he got it pretty quick and we had a good laugh about it.(I probably thought it was funnier than he did though). When our other friends got there we told them the story and one of them said "what do expect when you two dress like you're gay in kind of a douchey tone. It didn't bother me what so ever, I just know when the day comes I'll hear that type of thing quite often.i

 

[checkinthingsout]

Great step in coming to the forum. I don't come from a small town, but I did come from relatively conservative suburb in the midwest too, so I can sort of relate. I came out 2.5 years ago and I am 27 now. Best decision of my life.

Things I learned:

1. People care for about 48 hours. After ~ age 25 people care a lot less about you and who you are sleeping with because they have their own problems, and they start worrying about who they are fucking. The reason some people were surprised is because a lot really aren't thinking about it
2. I was infinitely more happy, with myself and with life. I already had an amazing job and amazing friends and family, but I always felt walled off from enjoying it because of being in the closet. When you come out to those closest to you, relationships become so much stronger.
3. I could actually pursue romantic relationships in a healthy way.
4. I could finally make myself available to other gay men. You may think you are the only 1, and you might be, but you never know who others may know in your town, or the town over who is also gay. Being out can help you to connect with those people and you can start to build that community, a network of friends, and maybe even a romantic relationship.
5. While there is still close mindedness, generally those under 30 are more open to gay people. There is more empathy in America today than there was when we were growing up

 

[Telstra]

Keep secret is hard work.
How long can you keep secret for, till 30, 35, 40, 45, 50 .....

 

[Rolyo85]

I'm not going to pretend that I know your circumstances, what you stand to lose or what you stand to gain by coming out. However, as someone who struggled with coming out and admitting his identity, I think I can safely say this, and you can make what you will of it:

You can change almost everything about yourself, whether with ease or with difficulty.
You can move to a new city.
You can find new friends.
You can start a new business.
You can even let go of your family.

You CAN'T change who you are attracted to, nor can you avoid how important sexuality and romance are to every single human being in the world.

So ask yourself this - are any of the things you can change about your life worth the angst of stifling the one thing you can't?