So depressed need advice...

[KaraBulut]

Hehe. The pills the doctor put me on along with making me nausaeus make it really difficult to cum when I jack off. Its quite exhausting! Lol. I hope its nothing serious though. It can take up to 45minutes or an hour right now.I Googled it and it is one of the side effects. I guess it could be a lot worse.

Some of the anti-depressant drugs can cause nausea. You may want to call your doctor and see if he will give you samples of another drug to try.

A common complaint when people start antidepressants is a feeling of detachment. This often means that you have a hard-on (good news) but somehow your brain doesn't feel connected to your hard-on (bad news). This can be a temporary side effect. It can also be dose-related. If it persists, give your doctor a call and get him to adjust your dosage until the side effect goes away.

 

[Mali27]

Hey if you were offering me a blowjob I'd accept. I'm so horny lately. I just jacked off til steam came from me(it was a cold room). I think they should give those pills to athletes to get in shape for a marathon or something. I'm thinking of going to a gay bar quite soon. What sort of things would be best to wear? I usually dress casually in rock/metal t-shirts. I guess I should be more neutral?

 

[Mali27]

I think I'm almost ready to come out.I wish I had more gay friends who I could hang out with. It seems a bit scary to go to a gay bar on my own. Do people do that?

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I think I'm almost ready to come out.I wish I had more gay friends who I could hang out with. It seems a bit scary to go to a gay bar on my own. Do people do that?

You can if you like bars and/or dance clubs, and feel comfortable enough going up to other singles and saying hello. But there are other ways to meet gays in your area. Have you done a Google search for gay groups? You can often find everything from gay volleyball teams to gay biking clubs to gay gardening groups. Chances are you can find something that interests you. You might also look into volunteering - that usually provides an emotional boost in addition to helping you meet more folks.

Lex

 

[D8Na2R]

I think we are way past the suicide thing but just remember this...suicide is a permanant solution to a temporary problem.....I remember my first gay bar experience. LOL I was terrified. Once you get over the culture shock it will be fine. You really don't have to do the bar scene though. There are plenty of places to meet people. A word of advise though. Don't worry about finding "the" guy right off. Just get into the swing of things.

 

[socalistud3]

i would say a few tings..one i am not fully out...but hey nobody i believe has to be until they are fully ready...so if you tell a lot of people tho...especially the ones you are close too i have found that it is better and easier to talk to people...and people are more accepting than you think...

on the suicide thing...i know what you feel but we can't do it...thats the wuss way out...and the selfish way out because think about all the people you would leave behind...

on the next thing...no if this is one of your first times being with a guy this is not weird to feel dirty or weird afterwards because society has taught us that male on male is bad when really its just better for some people so don't freak out about that...as for his hygiene issues...i hope you only touched it and nothing else cause that stuff needs to be checked out regularly...

so i say no...take is slow and do only as much as you are comfortable with and it will work it self out...

 

[Mali27]

Thanks guys. I wouldnt say I am past the suicidal thoughts yet. I have them most days right now. Another bad thing is that my Dr. has taken me off his list cause I'm out of his area. I wish I had some gay friends like you guys with me so there'd be some people who know what I'm going through. I'm not feeling confident enough to go to a bar alone.

 

[joshk]

Just come across this thread.
My first real experience with a guy was with a man I didn't really like or know well, but we recognized each other as gay and though I wanted to be with him, I felt no desire at all, more just curiosity. I also remember how sick I felt after we had jacked each other off, and how I avoided him afterwards.
I think it's just understandable, something that happens when you are still in conflict with yourself, and compounded by the fact that the other guy isn't really anyone who interests you.
Believe me, it gets better, as you get clearer with yourself and as you find guys who really interest you!

 

[tallguy297]

Hey Mali,

It seems like you are making some good progress and things are starting to settle down for you a little. You have to remember that there will be good days and bad days and that you are on a journey that will take some time.

Its really great to see you gaining confidence and self acceptance. Your posts show a guy whos full of life and beginning to see a new world and possibilities that he didnt think existed only a few weeks ago. I hope you feel really proud of how far you've come in such a short space of time. Dont look back too much, we all have bad days mate so some will be better than others.

The thing to remember Mali is that being gay isnt a sentence. It doesnt change who you are, the way you love or laugh or care. It doesnt alter how you think or your values. Its easy to see that you are someone who respects and understands others, its easy to see that you are considerate and thoughtful. None of those things exist because you are gay... they are simply who you are. And being gay is just another piece of the puzzles that makes you up. To your friends and family who love you it will make no difference.

So power on mate! You are surrounded by us even though we are only words on a screen... we're real just like you and we care. It makes us happy to see you grow and go forward and open some of these new doors... its great to share that journey with you.

Take it a day at a time, and every now and again just push a little further, maybe the bar or a group, or a walk through the part of town thats know for its gay shops... just extend a little and before you know it you'll be amazed at the barriers you broke.

Then with time you can get on with feeling proud of who you are completely... the whole of you. You'll see theres nothing to fear or be sad about... you're an incredible individual person whos traits and characteristics are all you. And thats worth celebrating!

 

[Mali27]

Hey I've still not been out to a bar/club and things feel like they are getting worse. I emailed my gay friend to see if I could go with him somewhere and he didn't reply-Maybe cause he owes me money? I would be a bit self conscious on my own. I just want some friends I can talk to about everything. Where else can I meet gay friends I can trust-without completely outing myself at one time?

 

[michaelarchangel]

Mali27 since you were ok with seeing a doctor, perhaps you would consider seeing a dietitian. They might be able to offer you a plan to alter your current diet with foods rich in nutrients that reduce or calm the symptoms you have shared here.
http://abcnews.go.com/WNT/Health/story?id=129498&page=1
However, even if you don't keep doing the work as it will pay off for you.

 

[Mali27]

An update:
Hey I am getting braver with reguards my sexuality. I spoke to a guy I recognized and knew to be gay through myspace and he was really helpful and said next time he's in my area he will take me out somewhere.
Won't be for a couple of weeks.. I still haven't felt up to going out to any gay bars or clubs alone.
I am thinking of coming out to one of my girl friends tomorrow. She is known to be a huge gossip, but if I threaten her enough-lol- I think she will keep it a secret.. She's one of the only friends I feel comfortable talking to about it and she has asked me if I am gay before, but I have denied it. So it may be weird. I know she is unhappy in her relationship too and she said if she wasn't in a relationship she would go with me, which was really cute and flattering.
As for the depression.. well a lot of my family and career situations have got worse because of it so I do feel more depressed sometimes. Still struggling with suicidal thoughts daily(which I am told is a common symptom of depression).
The doctor has put me on stronger tablets called Sertraline/Zolofts (100mg). They make me really tired so far and I don't feel upto doing much in the day, then I feel guilty for being lazy.
The councillor I saw was a bit of a bust. I saw him 3 times. I told him I had gay feelings and nearly cried when I let it out(it was so hard to make my mouth say the words!!).
He said it must be tearing me in half inside..cause of my other Christian beliefs which I will always believe contradict my gay feelings. He said he didn't know how he could help me and left it at that. So I am not going to see that psychiatrist any more. He also lied to me, cause he said everything I said to him that he made notes on would be confidential and go into the shredder after I left.
When I next went to see my doctor I looked on the computer screen and it said in the notes about my sexuality and stuff. I felt betrayed, but in a way it was kind of good to see what I have been going through in writing.
The doctor was really nice to me, more than usual which was also weird.
Anyway the guy I kind of know from myspace has a great personality-from what I know so far. I am quite attracted to him. I hope he doesn't mess my head up more. I'm sticking my neck out cause I find it hard to trust anyone.
So in total, by tomorrow I will have come out to 3 people (4 if you count my doctor who found out without me saying). So I guess I should be happy about that at least.

 

[EvilForce]

Hold on there trigger finger. If you tell your "gossip" friend, I promise you she will tell everyone. That's the way it works. So if you want her to tell everyone you are gay, so you don't have to, then sure go ahead, it may make it easier for you. If you honestly don't want others to know yet, don't tell her.

Your comments about the counselor are a bit strange. Firstly, just because you don't like one counselor doesn't mean they can't work for you. Hire and fire them as you see fit. Remember if you don't have at least a connection or "like" the counselor, you should move on. I mean you are trying to tell them your deepest, darkest issues, no? And if you don't like them or trust them, are you going to listen to them when they give you some tough things to think about? Was this counselor a Christian or religious person working for a religious institution? I've seen instances where a counselor working for a Christian funded school/university is bound by contract not to treat homosexuality as a "normal" sexual orientation, even though the rest of the medical establishment does.

Now if your doctor sent you to this counselor in the first place then him getting some feedback from the counselor isn't "out of bounds". If the doctor sent you there he was doing so as he was treating you with SSRIs, and he wanted to make sure you weren't a threat to yourself. You signed a HIPAA agreement, which allows doctors to exchange information about you the patient, when it is advisable to do so. Linking your medical need for SSRIs along with your therapy would be one of these cases.

 

[Mali27]

Lol. Well I have told my gossip friend yesterday. She said she was in turmoil, as she had just split with her boyfriend and I think she had her sights set on me now she was free and single again. She has lesbian tendancies herself, and I threatened that I would sever contact if she told any one.

I think it's partly cause of the depression, but caring what people think if they find out seems to count less and less to me now.
The guy on myspace has helped me loads and I am going to meet him. I've met him before, but he didn't know I was gay then. From what I remember he was one of the friendliest guys I have ever met. I've heard rumors about him, but I am ignoring them for now. I am sure he will be a good person to show me round some gay bars and clubs. In my opinion it was more risky telling him I was gay, cause on myspace a person has instant access to most of your friends and I don't know the guy that well, but I'm over that hurdle now.

The doctor was definately not a Christian. I mentioned a lot of things relating to my beliefs. He was basically saying that being a Christian and being gay can go together. I was saying I don't think I will ever believe that in my heart.
I might take your advice though. It may be good to see another psychiatrist now that I am kind of pursuing my gay feelings more. I still love God and believe strongly, but I can't face church right now with all that's been going on in my life. It's difficult. All the good churches I like going to are anti gay and I think I believe it is wrong for me underneath, but am still going for it- it's scary though.

 

[Mali27]

Oooh yeah. Major progress this week.
I met up with the guy I mentioned above to go to a bar and club. He said "so you've never kissed a guy before?" I said no. We kissed in the street which was scary, but got me hard.
Anyway him and his friends were trying to get me drunk all night-which they succeeded at. It was weird cause in the gay bar and club no one really caught my eye(apart from the guy I was with). Also I kept wanting to flirt with women in there.
Anyway I got really drunk. Went back to this guys friend house and was so drunk that I was puking.
I had a lie down in the bed and then the guy I have a think for got in with me without any clothes on.
The other guy was like "no don't take advantage, he's really drunk"
I took my jeans off and said "I don't mind, I'm starting to sober up".
We ended up having a threesome. No anal though cause they felt that wouldve been too much for me my first time.
The guy who I knew better had such a nice cock and body, the other guy not so much.
We went on till around 5/6am. I couldn't sleep then anyway. I didn't cum for ages cause of the combination of anti-depressants and alcohol(one of the side-effects).
I enjoyed it though. I feel really attached to that guy now though. I hope he doesn't just shit on me. I want to at least be friends with him still.
I feel really confident now though and think it might be easier to come out. It made me feel happier so I know it must have been a major cause of the depression. Its not such a big deal now..
One thing I was worried about was I swallowed the guys cum. Would that present any health risks?
He has a name for being a bit of a slut.

 

[G-Lexington]

First thing - stop drinking while taking anti-depressants. Alcohol is a, yes, depressant, and so can cause all sort of crappy thing to happen.

Second, don't bother with the "I'm so drunk" game. That's cute when you're in high school, maybe, but you don't need it anymore. If someone is "trying to get you drunk", just smile and say "I don't need drinks to get me to open up."

Thirdly, congrats.

Fourthly, swallowing cum is considered a low-risk activity. Note that it's not a NO-risk activity, but the risks are fairly low.

Glad you had a good time.

Lex

 

[rareboy]

He was basically saying that being a Christian and being gay can go together. I was saying I don't think I will ever believe that in my heart.
I might take your advice though. It may be good to see another psychiatrist now that I am kind of pursuing my gay feelings more. I still love God and believe strongly, but I can't face church right now with all that's been going on in my life. It's difficult. All the good churches I like going to are anti gay and I think I believe it is wrong for me underneath, but am still going for it- it's scary though.

As I have said repeatedly, Christ had nothing to say on the subject of homosexuality. It is too bad that people get Christian doctrine confused with Paulist doctrine and that an entire faith is too often hijacked by one of the gospelteers.

There is no problem reconciling true christian theology with being gay. Period.

On another note though, make sure you are diligent about taking your meds and working through issues with counsellors.

And be cautious in falling for one guy in a threesome and reckless sexual behaviour while drunk. As Lex said, drop the getting so drunk thing asap.