So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to them..

[SuperQueer]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

do whatever reasonable thing you can do to get out from under your parents control. i left for a college (away from home) to escape a similar situation. perhaps there is a school that is close enough that you can visit the one you love on a regular basis (but not your folks).

they need to understand that this is your life and you would like to live it as you please.

love and laughter to you... i'm wishing on a star tonight that your dreams come true ( provided it isn't overcast tonight)

 

[just_mills]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Who cares what your parents do, you're 19? Just tell them to leave you alone.

Because I want to fix all problems/doubt etc.. And by doing what you said, I feel is not the correct way, and wont help anyone in this whole sitation.

I've been with my partner over half my life. My family still goes behind my back and says it is not right. They also tell us we are going to hell on a regular basis. I made the choice to live openly in our world and I live with my decisions.
This is part of what I meant by consequences for the actions you have taken. You've been honest with them and they are not taking it well. They laugh about your gay uncle behind his back, why wouldn't they take what you have told them negatively, also?
BTW, I don't think you can really call yourself 'independent' until you pay your own way in the world without help from others.

The only emotions I had regarding everything that happens behind my Uncles back was fear, and thinking "Should I really do this?". It has also questioned me to think how they will act in the future when such "jokes and discussions" occur about him. I am sorry to hear about your situation; But I, too, will continue to go about what I feel is right for me, as you are doing for you.
I call myself Independant, on a basis, of helping pay some house-hold bills, lending my parents money, feeding myself, buying all the things I own, with my own money etc.. So please, don't say I cant call myself Independent. Not 100% no. Probably not 50%, but I AM Independent in some retrospects.

How long have you known that you are gay? How hard was it to come up with the right time and situation to tell them? I ask this because most of us know for years and try to deal with being gay inwardly.Then when we tell parents, family, friends we want them to hear it, believe it, digest it and catch up to our thinking quickly. They cant. Sometimes parents may have suspicions or intuititions about us but that doesnt mean they know how we feel or deal with being gay ourselves. And the way your extended family treated the news about your uncle should tell you that it isnt going to be easy. That is why some guys never come out. Your bf at 59 may even be older than your parents or he may be in their age group so it is more likely that he should be dating your dad than yourself.
Your parents have spoken with relatives, police, maybe clergy. They are trying to see if you need fixed (like with counseling) or protection (from the older man). Just understand that you are their baby and they want the best for you. You may have to back off from being so in their face with the relationship and just let them see you doing everyday things for a while until they adjust to the situation. The last thing your bf may want is to travel here to meet them.
I know it isnt easy, that is why it is called coming out. But if they have told others in the family then some things should be easier because now everyone knows.

I knew I was Bi since I was 10.
I knew I was Gay since I was about 17, when I just didn't want anything to do with Females any longer.
There was no right time or situation; It just had to be done. I felt bad for hiding it from everyone. But it was very hard telling them, but it hadn't really squeezed me, by not telling them for 2 years.
I feel I am not the only one bing "In your face". It works both ways.
Im fine with everyone knowing.. That doesnt bother me at all, any more.
And I understand what you're saying about the Age thing..

I just can't seem to get thru to them, that you can love someone at any age.
They just dont feel I can really love someone, as I'm only 19.
This is just all so frustrating.

 

[natedogg323]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Well as a parent myself, I have to say I'd be uncontrolably angry if I found out my 19 yr old daughter was seeing a 59 yr old man. I'm not going to say its wrong for you to be doing this cause you know your reason's and how your heart feels. But I wouldn't be able to accept it in my own life. I don't see what a teenager and a person approaching his golden years can have in common. IMO this typically happens when a person is acting out and is in search of a father figure. Not the most healthy situation to be in. (IMO) I'm not judging you or agreeing with the way your parents are acting. I'm sorry your going through all this, but I would suggest taking a step back and looking at this from their point of view. And ask yourself, Why are you with someone so much older than you?

 

[Jeimuzu]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

So..
Here's a true story about my Parents..

When I got back from Canada (30th May), I told them I was gay.
And that Flash (the guy I went there for) is 59. And is the bf.
So, it seemed at first they finally got used to it - It being 15 days now since they've known.

So, for the past couple of days, I have noticed my Mum listening in on me talking with Flash on Cam/Mic - She didn't think I noticed, but today I told her, I HAD.
Then some other shit broke loose..
And I find that they have told some of the Family, which I only found out about because my Uncle came over and told me this went on..
THEN I find out from my parents, they've been to the Doctors to consult abuot *this* - And the doctor thinks its immorally wrong for a 19 year old to be in love with a 59 year old; And all this is evil/wrong etc.. (You know the score of who -these- people think) ..

I tell them Ive been unhappy living here for fucking years, and never felt I could get along with them; And also told them this..
But of course it's just because im "wrapped up in love, and don't know what im talking about, because I am being warped by a 59 year old."
YEP - That's what my parents said to me..
Then because they know im unhappy (but obviously remember, cos im being warped), my Dad said: "Well why don't you get him to give you some extra money now, so you can go and be happy, and leave home."

That was also super lovely to hear. Oh.. can you tell I'm being sarcastic?

THEN my Mums brother is an Uncle, and he's a Policeman, so they go to ask him, just because he's in the law.. This is a fucking JOKE.

I can't type any more, because I am so fucking angry right now..
But I just wanted to share these on JUB, and hear what some of you JUBbers think..
Any words/thoughts would be highly appricated.

OH! It's lovely to feel like shit, and cry a lot on this day..
God I'm fucking crying again just writting this.
I am so upset, right now. GOD.

Oh! And obviously all youse guys opinions will be wrong, cos you're gays, innit.. Oh what a lovely life I'm in right now.

Firstly, that doctor sounds like a prick.

I honestly think your parents are stuck in past attitudes, and refusing to change. They may change later, I don't know, but years of old prejudice has seemingly stuck with them.

I can't offer anything more valuable to this, though, I'm really stumped on what to say.

 

[gayjay22]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

you know if ur not happy u should really try and change what ur unhappy about.

i know that advice seems obvious, but so many people just go thru life complaining about stuff that they never try and change.

if u dont like ur parents. save up and move out as soon as u can, then they cant watch u and snoop and it might help the relationship between u.

also not that im saying u dating someone older then u is wrong, but i do think dating someone who doesnt live in the same country or state as u is wrong.
long distant relationships almost never work out. try and date people in ur own area.

 

[Jeimuzu]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Everything I have to say in response to this thread will be said directly to Mills, for those of you who are noting my silence. This is a very personal matter between the two of us and will be dealt with between the two of us. Thank you all for your comments and advice.

I'd already assumed as much.

 

[dodo2761]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

I am 44 and live with a 22 year old- i was previously married and have an 18yr old daughter. I am a police officer. my daughter said to me one day- you cant help who you fall in love with- be strong

 

[buzzj]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

I'd give anything to have some meaningful words of advice for you--- but I don't. Know, though, that you're very much in my thoughts. Be strong!

 

[sixthson]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Everything I have to say in response to this thread will be said directly to Mills, for those of you who are noting my silence. This is a very personal matter between the two of us and will be dealt with between the two of us. Thank you all for your comments and advice.

That's all well and good, my friend, but Mills took this very personal matter and made it public and asked for opinions. A few of our responses are probably stronger than he wanted to hear, but they were not mean spirited or unkind in anyway.
Actually, hearing things that you don't want to hear may be what is best in the long run.
For me, this is not about the age difference, but it definitely is a maturity issue. It's also an issue of boundaries. I could point out many observations I have from reading past threads/posts but I think that would only cause hurt feelings and I am not interested in that.
I could also ask personal questions that I feel fellow JUBbers are entitled to ask since you both have made your relationship a public matter. I won't do that either.
I'm sorry about what Mills is experiencing concerning his sexuality and his familial relationships. Most of us have been there and most of us survive them. He will, too, probably.

I am not siding with his parents and I am not attacking Mills.
I am trying to understand both sides, however.

As to the poster who quotes his young daughter as stating "you can't help who you fall in love with", that only shows her immaturity. To whom you are attracted may be out of your control, but you damn well better be in control of how you respond to that attraction. We don't have to act on every impulse.

 

[skaterboi]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

I think you perhaps shouldnt have been so upfront about your relations with someone probably several years your parents senior at the exact same time you told them you were gay. Its alot to digest at once!

Just hold out, they can't stay mad forver!

As for being indipendant, making your own choices isnt being indipendant. You have to be fully self sufficient to be indipendant!!

 

[G-Lexington]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

>>> would tell him he was out of his F-in mind......tell him thats plain wrong.....tell him to sever all ties with a married man....(who wants a boy toy on the side) nothing good can come out of that relationship....sorry...my opinion....mills....

Mine too. I was unaware that your Canadian friend was already married. At that point, I'd say the guy becomes offlimits.

Lex

 

[Jeimuzu]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

I think you perhaps shouldnt have been so upfront about your relations with someone probably several years your parents senior at the exact same time you told them you were gay. Its alot to digest at once!

Just hold out, they can't stay mad forver!

As for being indipendant, making your own choices isnt being indipendant. You have to be fully self sufficient to be indipendant!!

No, but he's almost there. When you can make choices, self sufficiency comes shortly after.

 

[Ninja108]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Just take your time. That's all you can do for know. As for parent's shock, it's understanble. They've learned that their son is gay and his bf is 40 years older than you. It will take time but if it doesn't, you have your bf. Stay strong

 

[gayjay22]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

I am 44 and live with a 22 year old- i was previously married and have an 18yr old daughter. I am a police officer. my daughter said to me one day- you cant help who you fall in love with- be strong

u guys have any bedroom pics to share? when both guys are in shape it can be pretty hot to see. never been with an older guy myself tho

 

[just_mills]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

For the record, I only intend to discuss this -properly- with Flash.
I have no worry about me posting what I did.. No one does..

I posted this Thread, as JUB was the only place to "tell" at the time..

Anyways, thanks for your words.. Things have been spoken, since I returned from my break out the house.. with ALL parties.. together.

 

[operafan]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Sorry this has erupted Mills. 19 seems to be so young to bear all of this at one time. I know it seems like the world is imploding, but take time to give yourself and your parents to adjust.

 

[justsimon]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Mills, I wish I had something helpful to say, but a virtual hug will have to do.

 

[pkacrotjs]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

I'm never overly confident about posting in threads like this, but i feel like i need to at least say something. Lord knows I'm not a professional *grin*

Those of us who ask these kinds of kinds of questions in forums like this need a place to vent, and also sometimes want a mix of opinions/thoughts. I think both Mills and Flash know they'd see/hear/read most all of what has been said here. I think sometimes it's good just to see other perspectives to help process.

i'm not going to repeat things that have already been said, as I think a lot of good and constructive comments have already been made, and have said as much privately. While there have been good comments about parent reaction, justified concern over age difference, etc, I do think that at least one thing needs to be said in at least Flash's defense, and by association, Mills'

For the benefit of some of the rest of us, i think it would be helpful to point out that (as it has been explained to me), Flash is married to a man who is a friend, and that it is convenience/friendship/legal protection and has been represented as such from the beginning by both parties to their mutual friends and families, and that there is not a situation of dishonesty/deception/infidelity occurring here.

It's a concept I had some difficulty with, since I'm quite rooted in the notion of 'traditional' marriage, but part of being accepting and non-discriminatory in our community is to keep an open mind, even if something isn't a personal belief you would adopt for yourself.

for the record, i have permission to post the above. There's more I could say, but I'll leave it at that for now.

 

[StalwartPK39]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

Your parents are just jealous because they've never known real love.

 

[sixthson]

Re: So here's a story about my Parents, and how they're being, since I came out to th

I'm never overly confident about posting in threads like this, but i feel like i need to at least say something. Lord knows I'm not a professional *grin*

Those of us who ask these kinds of kinds of questions in forums like this need a place to vent, and also sometimes want a mix of opinions/thoughts. I think both Mills and Flash know they'd see/hear/read most all of what has been said here. I think sometimes it's good just to see other perspectives to help process.

i'm not going to repeat things that have already been said, as I think a lot of good and constructive comments have already been made, and have said as much privately. While there have been good comments about parent reaction, justified concern over age difference, etc, I do think that at least one thing needs to be said in at least Flash's defense, and by association, Mills'

For the benefit of some of the rest of us, i think it would be helpful to point out that (as it has been explained to me), Flash is married to a man who is a friend, and that it is convenience/friendship/legal protection and has been represented as such from the beginning by both parties to their mutual friends and families, and that there is not a situation of dishonesty/deception/infidelity occurring here.

It's a concept I had some difficulty with, since I'm quite rooted in the notion of 'traditional' marriage, but part of being accepting and non-discriminatory in our community is to keep an open mind, even if something isn't a personal belief you would adopt for yourself.

for the record, i have permission to post the above. There's more I could say, but I'll leave it at that for now.

Open minded does not mean I have to accept everything and anything that goes against my personal beliefs. You can re-define the term however you wish and call down the name of "the community", it still won't wash with me.

Both Flash and Mills have stated publicly that anything else they have to say will be in private, so why are you now their mouthpiece??